When I was 8 or 9
We lived with our grandparents Abuelo had a treadmill in his study The machine was loud and clunky With a clangy bell timer One day I decided I want to use it I stepped on, set the timer for 15 minutes And ran Much to my own amazement Without stopping I was able to run the full 15 minutes Running was something I could just do I remember running the School cross country Four laps of the school’s perimeter Starting and finishing on the school oval When I was 12 I came 2nd and went to the District competition The track was through the Bush at the St Ives Showground The week before I’d had a serious flu On race day I felt good I remember the final moments of the race I had a huge surge of energy Sprinted for the finish line Another girl and I were neck-a-neck She pulled ahead at the last moment Taking the final regional position I think I felt proud I’d run a good race If only I hadn’t been sick the week before! The following year My first of year of high school I made it to district again We walked the track in preparation I felt self-conscious around the Taller, more lithe looking girls They were Runners I was… not? I ran throughout high school Never quite re-attaining my 12 year-old-self’s glory At some grown-ups insistence I did Little Athletics for a bit “In case I changed my mind about running and wanted to try something else” (Why couldn’t I just run?) I enjoyed it But still felt self-conscious around the other girls I wasn’t quite right Too slow Too small Not enough I ran less at uni Pre-occupied with Classes and socializing During a bout of depression I finally went running again While on a downhill slope A total stranger told me to Stop trying so hard (Whoever you were, lady, fuck off). A horrible break-up Got me running again I decided to run The City the Surf It was glorious The following year I ran The New Milford 8 It had none of the atmosphere of Sydney The course was an utter bitch Drama school took over I started again on my birthday When I was in Fort Collins (At altitude) With a brand new pair of trainers And an app on my phone Back in London I ran in Gladstone Park I ran in Ruislip and fell in love with Running to the lido In the south of London I Ran after work a few times a week Avoided the cold by walking the Miles of underground tunnels Connecting the tube stations I ran in Fort Collins Built up to 10km 2-3 times a week Looped around the lake The cemetery The circumference of the park Listening to audio books I ran in rain and snow and Under gorgeous bright blue skies The polar vortex hit I tried using the treadmill at Local indoor pool I hated it A month later I started again Even short runs were painful I started running with a new friend Night runs Trail runs Runs where we dreamed about mini houses I was winded easily And tired She would do handstands and encourage me to keep going Had the polar vortex frozen my fitness? Six weeks later I was diagnosed with leukemia The infections on my legs Combined with Debilitating chemo Meant I had to walk with a walking frame Hand-foot syndrome (a reaction to chemo) Made it painful to even walk to the toilet The past few weeks On my to hospital appointments I've seen people Running Along the East River Counting breaths Timing paces Wearing stretchy pants and Lightweight jackets I want to be one of them again Those people who get up early and Fit in a run before work That delicious post-run feeling When you’re full of endorphins The runner’s high This morning I watched the Brooklyn Half Marathon The course went right by our street There weren’t too many spectators It felt safe to be out The sight of people running The sound of feet along the pavement Spectators with cowbells cheer the runners on You can do this! You got this! Let’s go! Some of the runners cheer back Yeah! Thank you for being here! Celebratory “WOO!!”s Triumphant high 5s as they pass The humanity of a running race I want to run again Imagine being that person Who can run 15 minutes without stopping Imagine that it’s something You can just do.
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