Remember that scene in Kindergarten Cop where Arnie says, "I have a headache," and the kids say, "Maybe it's a tumor..." and Arnie replies, "It is not a toomah!" That is the conversation in my head right now.
When I sit for too long on any chair that isn't my couch, I develop an awful pain right down in the base of my tailbone. It makes moving to a standing position incredibly painful. Once I'm standing again, the pain subsides.
My doctor thinks it could be a fractured sacrum, except we have no idea what could have caused it (apart from the fact that the treatment for AML has left me at higher risk for bone damage). All I know is that the pain started after the bone marrow biopsy in October.
Tomorrow I'm having an MRI to determine what's causing the pain. According to the hospital Information Sheet, the MRI will be conducted with contrast dye, in order to "be able to better see any traces of disease".
Basically I'm going to be spending the next 24 hours dealing with scanxiety and repeating to myself in mantra-like fashion: IT IS NOT A TUMOR.
I will meditate. I will listed to show tunes (Hamilton is currently on high rotation). I will eat chocolate. I will read Ali Smith. I will get past this MRI. And maybe the day after tomorrow is the day I can start being "normal" again and everything will be ok.
IT IS NOT A TUMOR.
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