- Published on
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
- Published on
Rain is absolutely falling from the sky. It’s been raining for three days straight. The constant patter of the rain on the roof on the trees on the pavement on all the towels and swimmers hanging on the line and on the umbrella above the porch. Everything is damp. Everything smells of wet. But I’m singin’ in the rain. I’m dancin’ in the rain. I’m laughing at those clouds up above. I am in Connecticut. I’m smack bang in the middle of a grand adventure. I’m Living The Dream of being a world traveler, of living overseas, of being a creative soul. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my heart is absolutely soaring. The grass is green. The trees are green. The pavement is shiny black. It’s okay to fall in love again. It’s wonderful. Of course, it is raining. Soon I’ll be in London, the land of stereotypical quintessential rain. I’ll be standing in the English rain! Nearly all significant events of my life happen in rain. The day I was born. The day I started school. The first time I visited drama school. The first time I traveled overseas. The day my ex-fiancé decided to end our relationship. The day I started uni the drought actually broke (for a bit). Dear London. Apologies in advance. It’s probably going to rain a lot between the end of August and early September. The end.
- Published on
Talking about issues of food security and food distribution and the wealth of people and economics and people living in the world and the way we eat and distribute our resources. I was in the “middle income group” and so my dinner was rice and beans and it was surprisingly delicious and the kids on the floor, the “low income group”, ate bowls of rice
and the people at the “high income” table ate three different kinds of pasta! Imagine the luxury, three different kinds of pasta in one meal!
I live in total luxury. I have everything I ever need in the world at my fingertips. I have the power of my mind at my disposal. I can choose to be happy with my lot. It is a surprise that the people who live in the most wealthy most product filled most resourceful countries have the highest rates of depression. They have everything and still the world holds no joy. I choose to hold joy. I choose to have gratitude for all that I have. All that I have access to. I want to make a difference. I want to make the world a beautiful place, a joyful place, leave it a little better than when I found it. This place I came into. This time, this place, this age of terrorism, of mass consumption, of food aplenty yet mass starvation, of highest technological
innovation, of new age hippie spiritual life. To love, to life, to joy. To be. To be here. Here I am. Hello.
and the people at the “high income” table ate three different kinds of pasta! Imagine the luxury, three different kinds of pasta in one meal!
I live in total luxury. I have everything I ever need in the world at my fingertips. I have the power of my mind at my disposal. I can choose to be happy with my lot. It is a surprise that the people who live in the most wealthy most product filled most resourceful countries have the highest rates of depression. They have everything and still the world holds no joy. I choose to hold joy. I choose to have gratitude for all that I have. All that I have access to. I want to make a difference. I want to make the world a beautiful place, a joyful place, leave it a little better than when I found it. This place I came into. This time, this place, this age of terrorism, of mass consumption, of food aplenty yet mass starvation, of highest technological
innovation, of new age hippie spiritual life. To love, to life, to joy. To be. To be here. Here I am. Hello.
- Published on
So imagine you have a friend
And she is an artist
And she knows a lot about sustainability
And she studied trash for her thesis
And she inspires you to know more
To learn more
To be better than you are
And she shares her books about recycling and up-cycling and waste reduction and breaking the waste cycle and the one about how it is possible to use human excrement as fertilizer without making people sick
And you see her in action
Teaching young people about sustainability
The table of beads made from rescued factory bits
Rubber tubing and buttons and bolts and nuts and screws
The left overs from other things
That in the current system would just be thrown away
The table with the “guess-who” games on food and energy and water
Did you know that Fiji water comes from a place where the local people have no access to clean drinking water?
The fact sheets and interactive tables
How quickly can you sort the recycling?
Do you know what can be recycled in your town and that it changes from region to region
And country to country?
And it blew you away
Her commitment and her enthusiasm and her passion
And you know she is one of life’s rare people
A sparkling gem of intellect and vigor and joy
And you want to know more, do more
Because you have met her
And shared a few days with her
And been inspired by her
And you know it is possible to live in a world where people care about the resources they are using
And be responsible for the life they are living
Because she showed you it was true
She shone light on that which was less than ideal
And she made you see things in a new way
And you are glad that such people in your life exist
To make you question
To make you see
To give you renewed enthusiasm for this life this path
Of creativity and sustainability and passion
Dear Rachel, thank you for your light and joy
And she is an artist
And she knows a lot about sustainability
And she studied trash for her thesis
And she inspires you to know more
To learn more
To be better than you are
And she shares her books about recycling and up-cycling and waste reduction and breaking the waste cycle and the one about how it is possible to use human excrement as fertilizer without making people sick
And you see her in action
Teaching young people about sustainability
The table of beads made from rescued factory bits
Rubber tubing and buttons and bolts and nuts and screws
The left overs from other things
That in the current system would just be thrown away
The table with the “guess-who” games on food and energy and water
Did you know that Fiji water comes from a place where the local people have no access to clean drinking water?
The fact sheets and interactive tables
How quickly can you sort the recycling?
Do you know what can be recycled in your town and that it changes from region to region
And country to country?
And it blew you away
Her commitment and her enthusiasm and her passion
And you know she is one of life’s rare people
A sparkling gem of intellect and vigor and joy
And you want to know more, do more
Because you have met her
And shared a few days with her
And been inspired by her
And you know it is possible to live in a world where people care about the resources they are using
And be responsible for the life they are living
Because she showed you it was true
She shone light on that which was less than ideal
And she made you see things in a new way
And you are glad that such people in your life exist
To make you question
To make you see
To give you renewed enthusiasm for this life this path
Of creativity and sustainability and passion
Dear Rachel, thank you for your light and joy
- Published on
It is hot. The sky is blue. I am standing with several hundred people. We are converged on the green in the center of New Milford. We are all decked out in various forms of exercise gear, mostly shorts and t-shirts and sneakers. We are at the starting line. A man’s voice announces “Ready... Set... Go!”. The New Milford Library clock begins to chime 9AM. We shuffle off, and by the end of Main St, we are running. The pace is quick. We leave the main town behind. The sound of feet on the pavement. The crowd thins out. All I can think of is how different it is to the City to Surf. I miss the crowds. There are stretches where I’m almost running on my own. It could just be another Saturday morning run. A few families sit on their lawns to watch the runners passing by. They wave, or just watch quietly, observing the motley crew of humanity running by their front doors. Children, and grown-ups. Serious runners and running clubs and people who just like to run, and, of course, the parents with prams. An older runner calls out to a group of spectators, “Am I winning?”. A woman calls back, “Top 500!”. Everybody laughs. I try to focus on my breathing. At the first mile we reach our first water station. It is a hot morning. It is difficult to pace myself in miles. I have only ever known kilometers. The scenery is stunning. We run through the leafy green back streets of New Milford. I think about how at home I feel here. But I am a foreigner. I have a different accent to all the people around me. When we run though, we sound the same. I have a revelation about what I want from life. I'm doing exactly that. And that feels good. I round a corner and see a group of people I know cheering the runners on. I feel both elated and strangely confronted. What do I look like when I run?! They give me a boost. Later when their cheering has worn off and the pain returns, a kind stranger and fellow runner jogs up next to me and says "You can do it! Finish strong!". It gives me the final boost. The last mile is mercifully all down hill. I can see the finish line ahead of me and I get that delicious rush of adrenalin that comes from long distance running. I’ve nearly done it! A man on a microphone calls out the names of the runners as they come through the finish line. He incorrectly pronounces my name, twice. It takes a little of the shine off the achievement of having just run 8 miles. But it’s not the finish that counts. It’s the inspiration from having done it. From
the possibility of being fit, of being in control of my body, of my mind. Of living a life where I can run races in different parts of the planet. I grab an orange quarter and another drink and head over to the green to meet my friends and cool down. It wasn’t my best event. It was harder than I expected. But I got a new sense of resolve out of it. And that is exhilarating. See you at the next one.
the possibility of being fit, of being in control of my body, of my mind. Of living a life where I can run races in different parts of the planet. I grab an orange quarter and another drink and head over to the green to meet my friends and cool down. It wasn’t my best event. It was harder than I expected. But I got a new sense of resolve out of it. And that is exhilarating. See you at the next one.