I arrived in the US
Twelve years ago today
It’s strange to think of that person
Landing in the freezing cold at Denver Airport
Clutching a folder thick with immigration paperwork
Feeling excited and scared about the next adventure

In the twelve years since
I’ve been married and divorced
Survived cancer
Had my heart broken
Lost two grandparents
Lost six friends to cancer
Been in two choirs
Moved 7 times across 3 states
Lived with 5 different people
And survived NJ Transit

I’ve worked a lot of jobs
Second-hand bookshop and farm volunteer
Babysitter
Receptionist atop fancy glass towers
Broadway usher
Teacher
Vocal coach
Writer
Actor
Fake patient
Stage manager
Director
Podcast editor, and an
Operations/staff assistant

I’ve done the Artist’s Way twice and
Built Filmed Live Musicals
Written and performed a cabaret
Written a book chapter 
Spent hours in the archives at the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts 
Performed in Colorado, New Jersey, and New York
In plays, musicals, and immersive shows
Seen a show in every Broadway house
Taken class at Broadway Dance Center
Played flute and ukulele and piano

I’ve run, quite a bit
All around Fort Collins
Brooklyn, West New York,
Astoria, and Harlem
6 marathons
4 half marathons
And a handful of races

I’ve traveled to Acadia State Park and Atlanta
Salem and Boston and Washington DC
Traipsed around Connecticut
Honeymooned in the British Virgin Islands
Did a road trip from FoCo to New York
I’ve been back to Australia three times
And London once

I’ve frequented farmers markets
And made my own yogurt
Grown arugula and spinach and basil and chives
Strawberries and raspberries

I helped raise a sweet and ridiculous floof of a puppy
Learned Spanish and Danish
Learned to bake cheesecake
Learned to manage my depression

I grew my hair out again
Started eating meat again
Started morning pages again
Got my first tattoo
Tried contact lenses and
Finally got my drivers license

I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest
I’ve been held and taken care of and spoilt rotten
I’ve met, and become friends with, some of the most extraordinary and beautiful people
From FoCo, Brooklyn, Carteret, Astoria, and Harlem
MSK, front of house, MasterVoices, SP land, and, of course
Buck’s Rock

And today, on the anniversary of my moving here
I performed a two show day
With a group of people whom I utterly adore
With a lead actor whose cast albums I have listened to on repeat
In a rarely performed musical by a composer whose work inspired my life path
With friends in the audience

And tomorrow I’ll direct a musical with a cast of sweet and precocious kidlets
And the next day I’ll start rehearsals for a new project with MasterVoices
And I think
It’s taken twelve years, but I’m finally doing the thing I came here to do
It just took a little cancer, divorce, gestures-at-the-world-in-2025 detour to get here

I think about what I want from the next chapter
To live on my own
To travel, and keep exploring my glorious city
To visit all the museums
To fill my days with music and theatre and writing
And delicious food
And time with friends
And glorious books
To keep tripping the light fantastic
And being so very thankful
That despite *everything* (again, gestures-at-the-world-in-2025)
I’m here.

Today I am thankful for
The blue of the sky
And the magic of Raleigh scattering
For the ability to run
For inspiring conversation
For early shifts
For shared thinking about flan
For synchronicity
For breath
For movement

The thrill of running 16km / 10 miles 
The excitement and fear of seeing a bear
The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck
Sensed it before my consciousness did 
It was a baby 
I wanted to take a photo
But I didn't know where her mama was 
I didn't want to wait to find out
So I kept on running
Trying not to imagine possible headlines 
The air was warm 
I finished feeling good 
The joy of a runner's high! 

5 miles/8.04km 
Choosing a different route 
Because I'm already bored of the one I've been running
Mixing up the view
Mixing up the hills 
The killer that is coming back up 
Buck's Rock Rd 
Leaning into the upward slope 
Thank you for the stretch
The exhilaration of reaching
The end. 

The thrill that I can run 9 miles
On a Sunday morning
And go to work

I startle a deer eating breakfast in the tall grass
She bounds away, leaping through the air
The heft of her
She is magnificent
Such a deer!
I had seen her earlier with her fawn
Startled them both
The baby darted away
Mama following closely behind
I huff in the smell of the woods
The pine is my favorite
Bury me beneath a pine tree
So I can spend eternity
Buried in the hummus surrounding her trunk and
Blanketed in pine needles

Finally getting a run in
The hills of Connecticut
Thank the uphills for the stretch
Bless the downhills for the relief
The beauty of the mist

Running through the parks of
Upper Manhattan
Uptown = UP
Downtown = DOWN
Reveling in the hills
Even when they’re hard
They will make me better.

A gorgeous blue sky day
The heartbreak of passing nearly a dozen people sleeping rough on the park benches
The plethora of trash on the ground
The beauty of the parks
The green of the trees
The cool of a tree-lined avenue

You choose a different path today
Run north along the Hudson
Toward the GW 
It is awe-inspiring up close 
Immense and grand 
And then the hill begins 
And you are in the Heights
And you get to run back down the hill
All the way home to 
Harlem