This is my third Christmas away from “home”
(I.e. the place where I spent the first 23 Christmases of my life)
With technology and an internet connection
No one seems so far away 
I can instantaneously see pictures of my family
Celebrating
It’s both a relief and heart breaking 
A relief to be away from the stress of family politics
Heart breaking to be away from the familiarity (ha!) of it all. 
 
Until I went traveling 
All my Christmases had been celebrated in summer
Seafood and outdoor lunches and cricket
And then my first white Christmas
Spent on Nantucket
Candles in the windows
A delicious chill in the air 
Suddenly the traditions all made sense
The lights, the roast, the warmth of it all
 
And I love being overseas
The thrill of being able to walk through Covent Garden 
And hearing a beautiful soprano voice
Laura Abella 
Filtering up through the rush
The smell of mulled wine and chilly air 
The rustle of people 
Laughing at the giant sparkling Rudolph outside the Royal Opera House
The massive Lego advent calendar opposite the
Actor’s Church
The sparkle of lights in London 
 
And arriving at my love’s house
After 16 hours of travel
And finding he has strung fairy lights across the entire front porch
Last year he came to London
And we had Christmas dinner in a pub
Friends from Turkey, Greece, America, and Australia
Combining and sharing and making our own traditions
We spent Christmas Day eating food and watching movies and the entirety of Firefly
It was lovely
This year we’re in America with his parents
And we’re going to see a movie
And eat Chinese 
And enjoy the quiet
 
And wonder what next year will bring
And hope to remember to be mindful
And bring peace and love and light and joy 
No matter the day of the year 
And thinking of all the people I know across the globe
And wondering how they are,
And, no matter what they’re doing
Or how they celebrate,
Wishing them a very merry Christmas, now. 

Sitting in my robes in Royal Festival Hall
Graduating with a Masters
I feel like I'm six years old playing make believe
The robe keeps slipping off my shoulders
The ridiculous hat keeps sliding down my forehead
It doesn't feel real
This past year. I still can't quite put it into words.

I thought that with my Masters
I would be amazing,
But I still don't feel like I am.
I still can't belt an E
I have worse stage fright now than when I started
I want to be brilliant yesterday
I want to be wonderful super fantastic coolness remarkable
Right now!
What does it mean exactly to "have potential"?
What do they see that I, still, after all this, can't access?

What do I want to be when I grow up?
I want to be Mary Poppins and Maureen Johnson and Miss Honey
I want to sing and dance and act and write
What I really want is to play roles I've written myself
Perform my own material
I want to travel
I want own my own house
I want to live in the same continent as my love
I want to sing and be able to write good music
I want the praise of my superiors and my cohort
I want to feel accepted
I want to be happy within myself and proud of my own achievements

What do you do with a BA in English (/History)?
You travel the world
You fall in love
You have visions of living in happily married bliss on the leafy north shore
And you have your heart broken
And you re-assess
And you say "fuck it".
And you leave everything you know and move to a whole other country
Where everything is the same but different
And you deny that you're experiencing culture shock because you are already
Widely Traveled and Older than the average student
And have Life Experience

But really, you're still young
You're still at the beginning
Even though actually you're already part of the way
And actually,
No one knows what is next
No idea.
It's what makes people scared, greedy, snide, arrogant
Everything
Because none of us knows what is next
Yes we can dream, we can plan,
VITAL!

But actually, we have no idea
It doesn't scare me
(actually it does,
but, in this moment, it's liberating)
I can do whatever I choose.
 
The Principal of the School at Graduation
Do something every day that
scares you
Today, again, I choose to blaze a trail of my own
To remember to stop looking around me and totally freaking out that the other peoples paths look better or different to mine
In the words of Elle Woods
I've got to find my way 
In the words of Sondheim
It's our time, breathe it in, worlds to change and worlds to win

What do you do with a BA in English (/History)?
You get an MA in Music Theatre,
You take a deep breath
And -