- Published on
People have been asking "How London is going?" It’s wonderful. It’s exhilirating. It’s exhausting. It’s one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. The past few weeks have been a slog and I confess I’ve been rather down. Every day has been filled with self-doubt, worry that I’m not good enough, and much self-despising talk inside my head. What am I doing here in the middle of a recession training for a career where there are minimal job prospects and ridiculously tough competition? I’m here for love. Because nothing else makes me happier. And knowing that there is nothing else on earth I’d rather be doing, I meditated. I listened to musicals. I journalled. I read inspiring blogs. I watched inspiring videos. I obsessively followed Seth and Sharon. I talked with friends and loved ones. I channeled some [Title of Show] goodness and I told that little bitch of a voice inside my head “DIE VAMPIRE, DIE!!!!” Being a musical theatre actress may be scary to some people. At times it is even be scary to me. And facing my demons in possibly the scariest thing I will ever do. But facing them with spirit fingers, and shiny dances, and all-singing, all-technicolour glory is
exactly how I want to do it. This Halloween, I'm dressing as the thing that frightens me the most. Myself. And I'm going to make like Buffy and kick some vampire-inner-demon butt. The end.
exactly how I want to do it. This Halloween, I'm dressing as the thing that frightens me the most. Myself. And I'm going to make like Buffy and kick some vampire-inner-demon butt. The end.
- Published on
The Cat Empire
Brick Lane
The sky is blue. And the air is crisp. And the night before you’ve been to see your favourite band, The Cat Empire. And the gig is not one of their most mind-blowing or exhilarating, but they play some of your favourites, like The Car Song and The Darkness and The Chariot. And seeing those Aussie boys all the way over here in London playing their tight tunes and doing what they do best just makes you feel good. And you remember all the gigs you’ve seen them play over the past 8 years and all the friendships and lovers they’ve seen you through and you know at the end of the day, no matter what, despite the glorious cliche of it, you’ll always have the music. And in the morning you head out to East London to meet up with old friends and you walk down Brick Lane. And you smell all the delicious curries. And you spot one of the lead singers from the Cat Empire and it makes you feel a bit hip that he’s here too. And you walk through the record shop and find a shelf full of books and you find one which looks interesting and you discover a lovely chapter on food foraging in London and you get so lost in its words and pages that you’re surprised when your friends are suddenly standing in front of you calling out your name reminding you that you are standing in a record shop in east London.
And then you sit on a bench in the sun with a chilli hot chocolate and a dark chocolate truffle. And to your left a family is posing for photographs. And to your right people are eating assorted food stuffs from the street vendors dotted all around. And you make your way west towards central London and stroll around St Paul’s Cathedral and feel oddly moved by the Occupy London people. This tent city outside the church, peacefully protesting the status quo. And you head back home and buy pasta and sauce and garlic bread for dinner and supplies for cookie baking. And the sun sinks deeper into the west and streaks the horizon with a dash of highlighter pink. And you smile at the chill in the air. And know you are living the life enchanted. The end.
And then you sit on a bench in the sun with a chilli hot chocolate and a dark chocolate truffle. And to your left a family is posing for photographs. And to your right people are eating assorted food stuffs from the street vendors dotted all around. And you make your way west towards central London and stroll around St Paul’s Cathedral and feel oddly moved by the Occupy London people. This tent city outside the church, peacefully protesting the status quo. And you head back home and buy pasta and sauce and garlic bread for dinner and supplies for cookie baking. And the sun sinks deeper into the west and streaks the horizon with a dash of highlighter pink. And you smile at the chill in the air. And know you are living the life enchanted. The end.
Occupy London - St Paul's Cathedral
- Published on
The British Library, London
And it's nearly 1am
And you're wired
Because you've spent the last seven hours reading about musicals in Australia
And you're a bit frustrated because you can't access all the journals you need to
And the more you read the more you want to know
And every now and then you have "ah ha!" moments
And you feel like you get it and it all makes sense
And then you re-read your notes and realize you need more material to back up what you're thinking
But you have a mighty list to go and tackle the British Library with tomorrow
And that makes you so excited
Because you love learning and reading and theorizing and trying to make sense of it all
And you're really grateful you did that podcast thing last year
Because you have all these quotes and useful bits and pieces up your sleeve
And your sensible self tells you to GO TO BED ALREADY!
But your inner writer needs to VENT!
And your soul needs to calm down because it's so excited
So you promise that NOW you will go brush your teeth, and meditate, and journal, and
sleep
To start all over again tomorrow
The end.
And you're wired
Because you've spent the last seven hours reading about musicals in Australia
And you're a bit frustrated because you can't access all the journals you need to
And the more you read the more you want to know
And every now and then you have "ah ha!" moments
And you feel like you get it and it all makes sense
And then you re-read your notes and realize you need more material to back up what you're thinking
But you have a mighty list to go and tackle the British Library with tomorrow
And that makes you so excited
Because you love learning and reading and theorizing and trying to make sense of it all
And you're really grateful you did that podcast thing last year
Because you have all these quotes and useful bits and pieces up your sleeve
And your sensible self tells you to GO TO BED ALREADY!
But your inner writer needs to VENT!
And your soul needs to calm down because it's so excited
So you promise that NOW you will go brush your teeth, and meditate, and journal, and
sleep
To start all over again tomorrow
The end.
- Published on
Sharon Wheatley's blog
Sometimes you are down and out and feeling really crappy. And you feel like drama school is just code for "expensive creative therapy." And you've spent the day questioning yourself and doubting yourself and feeling super frustrated that your top notes aren't where you want them to be. And feeling like It Is All Really Hard. And then you come home and you make a massive batch of rice and lentils and carrot and leek and beans which you stuff into freshly baked capsicums and your flatmate has cleaned the bathroom and it doesn't feel so share-housey anymore and you have an amazing internet connection which gives you access to the world. And you have a really good cry. And then you stumble across blogs of Broadway
actresses and you read them and remember that "the journey" is at times just "hard" but dear child, you never walk alone. And you can still smile. And you can still be inspired. And you can go to bed feeling like the sun will come out tomorrow. The end.
actresses and you read them and remember that "the journey" is at times just "hard" but dear child, you never walk alone. And you can still smile. And you can still be inspired. And you can go to bed feeling like the sun will come out tomorrow. The end.
- Published on
Royal Albert Hall
Imagine you are ten and you dance around the living room with your arms up like this and suddenly you are a grown up living in the city where Mary Poppins comes from and you are sitting in Royal Albert Hall, which is very beautiful, and very big, even for a grown-up. And Marvin Hamlisch, who is the man who wrote A Chorus Line, the first musical you ever saw live, the first musical where you felt that little tingle in the bottom of your stomach telling you, “Oh! That's what I want to be doing!”, walks out onto the stage which has a full symphony orchestra sitting on it, and he walks up to the podium and all the people in the audience cheer. And he raises his baton, and the people with the instruments know which notes to play and they are the notes to the opening of the song “One” from A Chorus Line. And you hear that familiar refrain and you suddenly feel a bit teary because there is Marvin Hamlisch conducting one of the pieces he wrote, which happens to be from your first proper musical, and here you are in London studying musical theatre and sitting in Royal Albert Hall!
And a little while later Idina Menzel floats onto the stage in a beautiful white ball gown with a black sash. And she sings “I’m not that girl” from Wicked, and Cole Porter and Lady Gaga and she tells the story about being cast in a little off-Broadway show called RENT and how on the night of the dress-run the writer Jonathan Larson died unexpectedly of an aneurism and she sings a lovely version of No Day But Today and oh god it makes you cry. And your friend passes you a tissue. And then Idina sings For Good acapella and that is very good too. And outside the theatre you get to meet Sir Tim Rice. And he is a very friendly chap. And you can’t quite believe that the man responsible for many of the lyrics that you have sung, listened to, heard over and over since time began, is standing in front of you smiling and shaking your hand and introducing himself as “Tim”.
And then you go and share pizza with a new friend who you met in the audience, and she is lovely. And you float home on London’s wonderfully efficient public transport system and you think “oh my! What a week this has been!” Because the day before you saw a concert at the Barbican where the BBC Symphony Orchestra played a new score as live accompaniment to an old silent film from the 1920s. And it was utterly magical to be transported by an old film made over seventy years ago and even more magical to watch a full symphony orchestra play a delicious score.
And earlier in the week you were in NYC. And last week you saw two brand new musicals. And you were a guest presenter on your favourite podcast. And in the midst of it all you get to go to school every day to learn more about musicals and be with lovely people who share your joy and your passion and your fun. And you feel very blessed to be surrounded by all this culture, this music, these wonderful people. And you walk home and the moon is shining and the stars are bright and the air is chilly and fresh, and you say, thank you thank you thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to live this life enchanted. And you crawl into bed at 1.40am and fall asleep smiling. The end.
And a little while later Idina Menzel floats onto the stage in a beautiful white ball gown with a black sash. And she sings “I’m not that girl” from Wicked, and Cole Porter and Lady Gaga and she tells the story about being cast in a little off-Broadway show called RENT and how on the night of the dress-run the writer Jonathan Larson died unexpectedly of an aneurism and she sings a lovely version of No Day But Today and oh god it makes you cry. And your friend passes you a tissue. And then Idina sings For Good acapella and that is very good too. And outside the theatre you get to meet Sir Tim Rice. And he is a very friendly chap. And you can’t quite believe that the man responsible for many of the lyrics that you have sung, listened to, heard over and over since time began, is standing in front of you smiling and shaking your hand and introducing himself as “Tim”.
And then you go and share pizza with a new friend who you met in the audience, and she is lovely. And you float home on London’s wonderfully efficient public transport system and you think “oh my! What a week this has been!” Because the day before you saw a concert at the Barbican where the BBC Symphony Orchestra played a new score as live accompaniment to an old silent film from the 1920s. And it was utterly magical to be transported by an old film made over seventy years ago and even more magical to watch a full symphony orchestra play a delicious score.
And earlier in the week you were in NYC. And last week you saw two brand new musicals. And you were a guest presenter on your favourite podcast. And in the midst of it all you get to go to school every day to learn more about musicals and be with lovely people who share your joy and your passion and your fun. And you feel very blessed to be surrounded by all this culture, this music, these wonderful people. And you walk home and the moon is shining and the stars are bright and the air is chilly and fresh, and you say, thank you thank you thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to live this life enchanted. And you crawl into bed at 1.40am and fall asleep smiling. The end.
- Published on
On a whim I decided to go to New York for the weekend
It is entirely possible from London
If one has a flexible schedule and a willing credit card
So I booked the trip
And flew to New York on the Friday afternoon
And I stayed at my friend's house in Queens
And looked after his cat
I saw a Broadway show
It was even better than the cast recording
It made me laugh and cry and filled me with joy
Then I went to the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts
And melted at all the resources they have available for free
I met up with beautiful friends who inspire me
I met five young sailors in Times Square
And the wonderful, delicious musical stereotype of it all thrilled me
New York, New York, it's a...
On Sunday afternoon I went to a recital at Steinway Hall
And watched Walter Hautzig, at age 90, play delicious pieces by Mozart, and Schubert, and Chopin
The walking stick hiding his nimble fingers and lightness of touch
As he played I thought about how musicians from centuries and countries far away can be brought to life right here, right now, through patient learning, through dedication
He talked about learning Chopin's
Ballade in G minor at age 16
And how when he was ready to perform it at his school in Vienna
The soldiers marched in and the world fell apart
And Mr Hautzig decided that they could never take away his music
And they didn't
And he ended up working with my great-grandfather in Baltimore
One from Shanghai via Spain via the Philippines
One from
Vienna via Jerusalem via New York
And I ended up working with his granddaughter
An Australian in Connecticut
Completely separately, amazing coincidence of strange happenstance
Or are we drawn to the same people in each life time?
Going to the airport, it was chilly
The rain kissed a gentle goodbye
There was even a rainbow
I boarded the plane
And suddenly I was back on the Tube wondering if I had dreamt the entire thing
It is entirely possible from London
If one has a flexible schedule and a willing credit card
So I booked the trip
And flew to New York on the Friday afternoon
And I stayed at my friend's house in Queens
And looked after his cat
I saw a Broadway show
It was even better than the cast recording
It made me laugh and cry and filled me with joy
Then I went to the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts
And melted at all the resources they have available for free
I met up with beautiful friends who inspire me
I met five young sailors in Times Square
And the wonderful, delicious musical stereotype of it all thrilled me
New York, New York, it's a...
On Sunday afternoon I went to a recital at Steinway Hall
And watched Walter Hautzig, at age 90, play delicious pieces by Mozart, and Schubert, and Chopin
The walking stick hiding his nimble fingers and lightness of touch
As he played I thought about how musicians from centuries and countries far away can be brought to life right here, right now, through patient learning, through dedication
He talked about learning Chopin's
Ballade in G minor at age 16
And how when he was ready to perform it at his school in Vienna
The soldiers marched in and the world fell apart
And Mr Hautzig decided that they could never take away his music
And they didn't
And he ended up working with my great-grandfather in Baltimore
One from Shanghai via Spain via the Philippines
One from
Vienna via Jerusalem via New York
And I ended up working with his granddaughter
An Australian in Connecticut
Completely separately, amazing coincidence of strange happenstance
Or are we drawn to the same people in each life time?
Going to the airport, it was chilly
The rain kissed a gentle goodbye
There was even a rainbow
I boarded the plane
And suddenly I was back on the Tube wondering if I had dreamt the entire thing
- Published on
Maria Has Confidence
There once was a little girl in Sydney
And she used to dance around the living room
And it never occurred to her that she wanted to do anything else but be an actress
But other things got in the way
Like school and boys and
Other People’s Expectations About What Is A Good and Proper Life
And so the girl went on her way
And skipped through life
And soon found she was very sad
Because she wasn’t doing what her heart told her she needed to be doing
And one day she said, “Ohmygod, enough!”
And she packed her bags and hopped on a plane
And found herself on the other side of the planet
And traveling in peak hour and crammed into the tube
With all the three piece suits and briefcases
And people commuting to offices
And the girl thought,
“These poor unfortunate souls!”
How many of them get to do what she does everyday?
Run around a room and play games and sing songs
And dance
And Live The Dream
Dear People!
It’s okay to live your dream!
Why hold onto those doubts all those worries?!
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back
I must dream of the life I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I’ve lacked
The courage to live life without reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I’m worthy,
And while I show them
I’ll show me!
Because it IS so exciting
To be out in the world to be free
My heart IS wildly rejoicing
There is nothing the matter with me!
I made a choice to be happy
To let go of the angst and the pain and the worry
And I made a choice to go out into the world
And do whatever it is I’m meant to be doing
And hey world, here I am.
A little girl from Sydney living in London
Spending her days learning all things musical
And it is wonderful.
The end.
And she used to dance around the living room
And it never occurred to her that she wanted to do anything else but be an actress
But other things got in the way
Like school and boys and
Other People’s Expectations About What Is A Good and Proper Life
And so the girl went on her way
And skipped through life
And soon found she was very sad
Because she wasn’t doing what her heart told her she needed to be doing
And one day she said, “Ohmygod, enough!”
And she packed her bags and hopped on a plane
And found herself on the other side of the planet
And traveling in peak hour and crammed into the tube
With all the three piece suits and briefcases
And people commuting to offices
And the girl thought,
“These poor unfortunate souls!”
How many of them get to do what she does everyday?
Run around a room and play games and sing songs
And dance
And Live The Dream
Dear People!
It’s okay to live your dream!
Why hold onto those doubts all those worries?!
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back
I must dream of the life I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I’ve lacked
The courage to live life without reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I’m worthy,
And while I show them
I’ll show me!
Because it IS so exciting
To be out in the world to be free
My heart IS wildly rejoicing
There is nothing the matter with me!
I made a choice to be happy
To let go of the angst and the pain and the worry
And I made a choice to go out into the world
And do whatever it is I’m meant to be doing
And hey world, here I am.
A little girl from Sydney living in London
Spending her days learning all things musical
And it is wonderful.
The end.
- Published on
image by Rosel D
Dear Uncle Mordechai. Could you ever have imagined, two-hundred and twenty odd years go, as you sat in the pub in London that your great-great-great (etc) niece would one day be here in this city of yours?! Because here I am. I’m in London! There’s no place like London! Demon barbers aside... The double-decker red buses, the Tube, the masses of people from every walk-of-life, colour, creed, background, and birth status. That building is from 1200 A.D and that one was built on Roman foundations. And yet, here I am, this child from Australia whose ancestor sailed from here over two centuries ago! And in the intervening time his son sailed from London too, and he had children and they had children and they had children and so on and so forth and in between there were whole World Wars and the Depression and stolen children and whole countries were formed (including Australia which was signed into being in London!) and other immigrants arrived (including my mother) and suddenly history has fast forwarded, has appeared at this moment and here I am this Australian child born of Spanish, Filipino, Dutch, and Polish ancestors standing in London! And like a game from the Age of Empires, my map slowly unfolds around me as I explore this unknown yet strangely familiar territory. All the names from the Monopoly Board, all those markers from collective consciousness suddenly here in my real perceived existence. It is strange. It is lovely. It is just here. And here I am ready to start drama school, ready to begin this Next Chapter. And I think of everything that has brought me to this moment. Two hundred and twenty odd years of history. Twenty-seven years of my own history and memories and recollections of the life that has brought me to be living in London. And then I smile and let it all go because it doesn’t matter. Because here I am. And here we go.
- Published on
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
- Published on
Rain is absolutely falling from the sky. It’s been raining for three days straight. The constant patter of the rain on the roof on the trees on the pavement on all the towels and swimmers hanging on the line and on the umbrella above the porch. Everything is damp. Everything smells of wet. But I’m singin’ in the rain. I’m dancin’ in the rain. I’m laughing at those clouds up above. I am in Connecticut. I’m smack bang in the middle of a grand adventure. I’m Living The Dream of being a world traveler, of living overseas, of being a creative soul. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my heart is absolutely soaring. The grass is green. The trees are green. The pavement is shiny black. It’s okay to fall in love again. It’s wonderful. Of course, it is raining. Soon I’ll be in London, the land of stereotypical quintessential rain. I’ll be standing in the English rain! Nearly all significant events of my life happen in rain. The day I was born. The day I started school. The first time I visited drama school. The first time I traveled overseas. The day my ex-fiancé decided to end our relationship. The day I started uni the drought actually broke (for a bit). Dear London. Apologies in advance. It’s probably going to rain a lot between the end of August and early September. The end.