Connecting with loved ones
With old friends 
With old self 
A return to writing
And routine 
Eating well 
Feeling good 
The Mmmm's
Morning pages
Meditation
Movement
Music
The purpose of art 
The purpose of life 
Finding connection
Amidst the chaos 

At the end of a tiring work day
I took a walk
South, about
Forty-ish blocks
And found myself in the North Woods of 
Central Park 
The sky was blue
The air was chilly
But the sun was warm 
The apple trees were in blossom
The bluebells and the lupines and tulips 
Were all out on display 
The brown stems of the trees have begun sprouting leaves of green
I pinched myself to think
I now live within walking distance
Of this historic oasis

To sit in meditation 
For an hour
In a beautiful cathedral
On the upper west side
While a choir sings 
To leave feeling
Uplifted 

Getting my flute out
For the first time in a long time
Remembering the fingering
The way the muscle memory kicks in
It’s all still there
Playing Mouquet
Remembering the phrasing
It’s all in the breathing
The tricky twists
How to keep the tone even
Give it color
Notes from my younger self
There she is

At the hospital
All the staff were in a good mood
Happy for Friday
Each of my techs was an immigrant
(Immigrants, we get the job done)
Indian, Chinese, and Polish
The first shared how his family have a group chat where they say good morning, good night, and
I love you
Every single day
The second told me I was too young for menopause
(I know)
The third said I have a beautiful heart
I’m thankful my dear friend was with me
I’ve gotten so used to going on my own
It was a relief
To share the burden
After all the poking and prodding
Soup dumplings

Sweet potato, butternut squash and
Two different kinds of potato
Sprinkled with salt and cracked pepper
An entire clove of garlic and a Spanish onion
Chicken dressed with rosemary and olive oil
Roasted in the oven

The privilege of singing in the chorus
With a full orchestra
Performing Ricky Ian Gordon’s stunning score
What would Steinbeck have made of all of this?
Or the people that he met
And immortalized in print
The stories of struggle
Of wanting something better
The desire to feed your family
The desire to just get by
Without forces and foes
Pushing you out
Forcing you down
Nearly a century later
Playing out on a fancy stage
Thankful thankful to be a part 
Thankful for Ralph, Susannah, David, Katherine, Jez, and Margo
Members of my chosen fam'bly 
For bearing witness.  

The seasonal pictures on the screensaver
Today blue lupines and orange red tulips
A pink orchid that reminds me of abuela
She had beautiful orchids
I wish she had shared her knowledge of how to tend to them
I wish I had asked
The nurse wipes down my arm with an alcohol wipe
Puts the cannula in
Flushes the line with saline
I can taste it
It’s comforting and
Bizarre that I can taste something in my vein
At my request, the techs play show tunes
The machine pings and clangs and whirs around me
Taking pictures of my insides
Michael Crawford and Colm Wilkinson and Idina Menzel sing in my ears
I am thankful for modern medicine and
Thankful I have access to it

The joy of rehearsal with the orchestra 
The luxury of it 
The fun of it 
The beauty of it 
Watching Ted conduct
Watching the composer grin from ear to ear as his music is brought to life 
Hearing that gorgeous score 
Live and in-person
The sound of 100 people singing in harmony 
​Heaven. 

A glorious and exhausting day
Surrounded by art
And artists
Interpreting the world 
Connecting the dots 
Honoring our home in the woods
It made me homesick 
​I cannot wait for the summer