It is 8 degrees (46 Fahrenheit)
And the sky is blue
And the sun is shining
And you jog to the park
And there are kids playing soccer
And rugby
There are other people running
You smile at each other in runner code
It's (relatively) warm! The sun is shining!
We're running without thermals on!
We can RUN without fear of slipping!

People are walking their dogs
And the dogs are ecstatic
The grass has become muddy
The dogs' legs and bellies are covered in mud
The kids who have been playing sport
Are covered in mud
Across London tonight
There will be washing machines full of muddy clothes and towels

There is a solitary patch of snow left in the grass
A man is stomping in it
Perhaps he is reliving his childhood
Perhaps he is cleaning his black shoes
Perhaps he just likes snow

It is a little blustery
But the sky is blue
The grass is green
The sun is warm
And it is delicious

The end.

Imagine the mercury
Has risen to 7 degrees Celsius
And it feels practically balmy
You don't even need a scarf
Or a beannie
And it's windy
The kind of fresh strong breeze
That exhilarates
That suggests
Change is in the air
Which way is it blowing?

And despite the wind
And the patchy rain
The streets are incredibly busy

Bustling and jostling
And all the cliches of a crowded city
And you hear an Australian voice say behind you
"God, I don't know how they live like
this!"
And it makes you laugh
And you actually turn around and smile at him
Because we're in London!
One of the oldest cities!
Isn't it wonderful?!

And you ride home on the Tube
And you walk home to your flat
And you think
Here I am.

The end.

It's cold
And rainy
And miserable
And you sit on the tube
And wish desperately you could
Apparate to your apartment

And you put your ipod on shuffle
And let the music transport you instead
And a piece you know
But haven't heard for a while
Begins to play
And the voices are soothing
And quieting
And remind you to breathe
And be still

And you feel
Much better
And you make it home
For hot chocolate

The end.

Today's moment
Of awesome came
When I realized,
After the fact,
That I had run just over 5km
In just-below zero temperatures

And didn't even notice

The end.

We met.
We traveled the world together
We walked 780km across northern Spain together
He loved music and singing and played guitar and saxophone
He proposed twice in two different countries, the second time in front of my family with the ring we had designed together
Dreams of a house in the 'burbs
And a life of stability
Together.

And then one night
He called
And literally over the phone
Said it was over.

The end.
No explanation, no chance for discussion. Please collect your things,
Goodbye.

And by coincidence
Or fate or providence
Or sheer good fortune
Two days later I started a meditation course
In the introductions
I could barely even say my own name
Literally burst into tears
And sobbed out my story
Witness the breath
You are not your emotions
It is okay to cry
Every week
A new practise
A daily commitment
To just be
I went to sleep every night with the ipod he had given me under my pillow
With Sarah Edelman meditations
You are safe
And you are well

And in the year that followed
I cried more than I ever had in my life
But, every day
Meditation
And all my teachers
Jon Kabat-Zin, Louise L. Hay,
Doreen Virtue, Anodea Judith, Eckart Tolle
Lorna and Judy and all the women and men in my class
Kept me sane
Breathe in, breathe out,
Be here, now
Without judgement
I started running again
Ran my first half-marathon
I decided to become an actor
And quit my day job

And within a couple of months
Had my first paid acting gig
And had been accepted to drama school in London
I got singing and dance lessons
I traveled on my own
I saw my idols performing
I moved overseas and dared to live the life I had always wanted
I learnt to stop hating myself (that in itself, the greatest milestone. Oh to look at younger me now and laugh at how she couldn't even look herself in the mirror, how she wished so much to be more, to be better, to be different, to be so not herself!)

It was harder than
I ever could have imagined
I'm not kidding when I say I cried and hurt and raged with grief
But the meditation, the running, the eating well,
The following my path
Because it was my own
Was freeing and liberating and self-affirming

And now
Three years later
The grief is still there
Though far more manageable
Life has changed
I have a new love
New adventures to look forward to
And a completely different perspective

I just have to breathe
And be present
And
This too shall pass
And all is well. 

The end

Today I cried watching this video
Then downloaded the song
And with
Alicia on repeat
Ran 5km
Despite the snow still on the ground
And recalled that the next adventure
Is just around the corner

The end.

If you had told me
Three years ago
Sitting in my lounge room
In suburban Sydney
That I would three years later
Be sitting
with the host and creator of MusicalTalk
In London
Singing a new song
For a new musical
And recording tracks for my agent
I would have laughed
And said
"That's cool...
I want to be her."

The end.

You walk home from work
And the snow is melting
And turning slushy
And grey
And you go to bed thinking
It's finishing already!

And you wake up
And it has been snowing!
And thrill joy rush of it
It hasn't all melted!
It's back!

And walking to the station
Through the crunchy white
With snowflakes dancing around
Your nose and eyelashes
Ha! The glorious
Delicious cliche of it!

And watching it snow
Whilst sitting inside
There is something entrancing
Still and lovely

And at night
By streetlight
The snow actually glistens
The sparkle
Twinkle
Magic of it
Is breathtaking
And ridiculous
It's frozen water!

And oh, how magical it is
To be living in a place
Where snow is real!

The end.

Today
A lovely friend
From Sydney
Arrived to live in London
For two years
And we had hot chocolate
And giggled at the stage door
And her excitement at being in London
Reminded me how I felt
Over a year ago
When I first arrived
And she reminded me
That it is okay
to be excited
Wonderful even

And the snow never stopped all day
Ad everything was blanketed in powdery white
And just to watch the snowflakes coming down!
And see the world transformed
Was utterly, deliciously, magical

The end. 

In the morning I went to an audition
And then I went to work
In the West End
And did the double show day
And it was long
And I came home absolutely shattered
But I realized
I'm living the dream!
I'm an actor in London
And it is hilarious.

The end.