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Survivorship
Today I got blood work
In prep for my survivorship meeting tomorrow
2024 marks ten years since I was diagnosed with leukemia
A disease that, when I was diagnosed, had a survival rate beyond 5 years of 25%
And even though cancerversary isn't until July
And transplant-aversary isn't until October
Today felt like a VICTORY LAP
TEN YEARS!!!
I'm a unicorn!
After the labs I walked down town
And across town
All the way from 74th and FDR Drive
To 48th and 8th
And I thought about the myriad of people who got me here
Aaron
The Rabinowii
All the Buck's Rockers
Anita
Jodi
My fellow young adult survivors
Dr Stein, Dr P, Kim, Marjorie, and every nurse
Every clinician
All the runners on Fred's Team
Everyone who came to cheer along the marathon route
All my friends and family from across the globe
Sydney, London, FoCo, New York
Every soul who has been part of this insane overwhelming exhausting journey
And feel thankful thankful thankful
And I think about the giant blue heart
On the wall
In prep for my survivorship meeting tomorrow
2024 marks ten years since I was diagnosed with leukemia
A disease that, when I was diagnosed, had a survival rate beyond 5 years of 25%
And even though cancerversary isn't until July
And transplant-aversary isn't until October
Today felt like a VICTORY LAP
TEN YEARS!!!
I'm a unicorn!
After the labs I walked down town
And across town
All the way from 74th and FDR Drive
To 48th and 8th
And I thought about the myriad of people who got me here
Aaron
The Rabinowii
All the Buck's Rockers
Anita
Jodi
My fellow young adult survivors
Dr Stein, Dr P, Kim, Marjorie, and every nurse
Every clinician
All the runners on Fred's Team
Everyone who came to cheer along the marathon route
All my friends and family from across the globe
Sydney, London, FoCo, New York
Every soul who has been part of this insane overwhelming exhausting journey
And feel thankful thankful thankful
And I think about the giant blue heart
On the wall
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A check up appointment at Sloan
The realization I’m nearly 10 years out
The rush of feelings
The realization I’m nearly 10 years out
The rush of feelings
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luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
The Big C Club
It’s a club we never asked to be a part of
Or wanted to be in
But here we are
Sitting in the waiting room
Out of treatment
In treatment
Getting scans to prepare for
Possible future treatment
Waiting for delays beyond our control
To take care of bodies
Also beyond our control and
The small smile
The gesture of understanding
We’re all in this together
Or wanted to be in
But here we are
Sitting in the waiting room
Out of treatment
In treatment
Getting scans to prepare for
Possible future treatment
Waiting for delays beyond our control
To take care of bodies
Also beyond our control and
The small smile
The gesture of understanding
We’re all in this together
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It has been so restorative to be back in the UK
It has awakened parts of me I thought were long gone
My writing voice is back and
I want to write again
After years of feeling like that part of me had vanished
I feel a lightness of spirit
Like things are possible
(Despite the state of the world)
I want to read all the books!
And watch all the movies (specifically musical ones)!
I want to learn all the things!
I want to sing and dance and trip the light fantastic!
And after nearly a decade of exhausting trauma
Courtesy of The Big C followed by the other big C
Well, I didn’t know that lightness was entirely possible
And I am thankful thankful thankful to be here
Tonight I can hear the sea outside my window
I want to huff that sea air so it fills my lungs so deep I can take it with me back to New York
And I breathe
And whisper thank you to the wind
That I am here
I am here
I am here.
It has awakened parts of me I thought were long gone
My writing voice is back and
I want to write again
After years of feeling like that part of me had vanished
I feel a lightness of spirit
Like things are possible
(Despite the state of the world)
I want to read all the books!
And watch all the movies (specifically musical ones)!
I want to learn all the things!
I want to sing and dance and trip the light fantastic!
And after nearly a decade of exhausting trauma
Courtesy of The Big C followed by the other big C
Well, I didn’t know that lightness was entirely possible
And I am thankful thankful thankful to be here
Tonight I can hear the sea outside my window
I want to huff that sea air so it fills my lungs so deep I can take it with me back to New York
And I breathe
And whisper thank you to the wind
That I am here
I am here
I am here.
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luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
Strength
On today’s training run
Coach Bennett talked about strength
The capacity to withstand force or pressure
Tonight, I cried boarding the plane
The realization that I last left London to get married
And now I’m returning
With all that has happened in between
Coach Bennett talked about strength
The capacity to withstand force or pressure
Tonight, I cried boarding the plane
The realization that I last left London to get married
And now I’m returning
With all that has happened in between
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luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
cathy and marcy
today I met two extraordinary women
two fellow cancer survivors
who make music and art
with humor and joy.
they touched my heart
and lifted my soul.
two fellow cancer survivors
who make music and art
with humor and joy.
they touched my heart
and lifted my soul.
- Published on
luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
survivors
The strange joy of connecting with another survivor
You share a common language
A similar experience
Even if the circumstances were entirely different
Cancer is cancer is cancer
The unusual bond you share
Symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, the aftermath
BC and AC
The luck of surviving it
The thankfulness you feel
The understanding of having been to hell
And back.
You share a common language
A similar experience
Even if the circumstances were entirely different
Cancer is cancer is cancer
The unusual bond you share
Symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, the aftermath
BC and AC
The luck of surviving it
The thankfulness you feel
The understanding of having been to hell
And back.
- Published on
luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
The Web
I was doing research on websites
And found a domain I wanted
But someone already owned it
I googled their name
And discovered someone else with the same name
Who recently, was the top fundraiser for the Leukemia Society
Thank you, stranger.
And found a domain I wanted
But someone already owned it
I googled their name
And discovered someone else with the same name
Who recently, was the top fundraiser for the Leukemia Society
Thank you, stranger.
- Published on
luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
The New PCP
The relief of finding
Excellent medical care.
Excellent medical care.
- Published on
luminescence: the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated.
LuMinEssence: the mission of finding light in the dark.
The Club
Entry to the club
Is non-discriminatory
You can be admitted
At any time, any age
Race is no barrier
Nor is gender
Or wealth status
Or occupation
And once you’re in
You’re in for life and
You find this extraordinary community
Of people
Who have faced their mortality
And survived
And post-treatment
In the magical land of
Remission
You swap stories
And share your experiences of
Chemo and radiation
And transplants
And side effects
And exhaustion
And fear
And where you found joy
And where you found love
You write the names
Of the lost ones in your heart
And hold them close and
Miss them
And feel fury that they’re gone
And feel grateful that
Despite it all
You had the chance to meet
And you reach out to the other survivors
And hold them close
As you navigate the world
Together
Members of a club
No one chooses to be a part of.
Is non-discriminatory
You can be admitted
At any time, any age
Race is no barrier
Nor is gender
Or wealth status
Or occupation
And once you’re in
You’re in for life and
You find this extraordinary community
Of people
Who have faced their mortality
And survived
And post-treatment
In the magical land of
Remission
You swap stories
And share your experiences of
Chemo and radiation
And transplants
And side effects
And exhaustion
And fear
And where you found joy
And where you found love
You write the names
Of the lost ones in your heart
And hold them close and
Miss them
And feel fury that they’re gone
And feel grateful that
Despite it all
You had the chance to meet
And you reach out to the other survivors
And hold them close
As you navigate the world
Together
Members of a club
No one chooses to be a part of.