How lovely it was to see Zoe
And how lucky that we could take a tour of the historic
Boston Athenæm
What a thrill it was to see books from the 17th century
Books then considered to be essential for human knowledge
Desert island books if you will
Sent from England to Boston (via the Caribbean)
And now sitting in an old glass lined cabinet
(There was an exhibit a few years ago that asked
What is essential knowledge?
…
What do you consider Required Reading?)
Being able to walk between the narrow aisles of the stacks
The wonderful smell of old books
It fills my soul and raises my heartbeat
I want to read ALL the books!
And see all the films
And watch all the plays!
And hear all the music!
And play all the instruments!
Why is our time so infuriatingly finite?!
Rachel and I decided on our afterlife meeting spot
And promised to one day haunt the halls of the Athenæm
Reading for all eternity
In this lifetime
We had lunch on the Common and
Sat with Zoe on her break
The full breadth of humanity on display

The afternoon was reserved for the quiet of Mount Auburn
A stunning garden cemetery full of faery energy
A resting place for the dead
A home for the towering trees
Moss covered mausoleums
And stone statues
Gravestones and crypts and a
Verdant landscape
That takes your breath away with its beauty
And you whisper to the trees
Thank you for this day.

How long has it been since my last visit to Nantucket?
At least a decade
We took the fast boat out into the Atlantic
And sat outside on the upper deck
The smell of the salt air
The gorgeous view of dark blue ocean against pale blue sky
Arriving in the harbor
A flood of memories
Spending Christmas here with Kris
Traveling with Rachel on my way to drama school
Watching the Tonys with Binth and Normand
I’ve only ever been in the off-season
It was strange to see it so busy
Crowds of people
In linen and designer polo shirts and
Designer sandals and matching luggage
We left the tourists behind
And made our way down Main Street
To la casa de Los Titos de Nantucket
The Spanish flag was missing
Tita Tinka greeted us at the door
Warm and welcoming
Kisses on both cheeks
Though she couldn’t remember who we were
She gave us a tour of the house
It had barely changed
Everything almost just where I had left it last
But now faded and dusty
What was once gleaming has lost its sparkle

While Tito Fernando was sleeping
Tinka had her lunch in the garden
The place where she had grown up
And her mother grew up
And her mother before her
Peter stopped by, and Anselma and KeithAnn
The sky was bright blue and the air was warm
And the neighbors waved as they passed
Just as they always do

I went inside in time for Tito Fernando’s lunch
The nurse asked if I would like to feed him
So I sat with him and helped him eat his carne con arroz y vegetales
Food delivered by Meals on Wheels
Rachel joined us and put on some classical music
The music that was always playing in the car
The music of my childhood
The music that makes me think of Abuela and Abuelo
Connection across centuries and continents
“Who?” Fernando asked.
Soy Luisa, tu sobrina. La nieta de su hermano, Luis.
Y Rachael es la nieta de su hermano, Julio.
Somos las nietas de tu hermanos.
He seemed to perk up at the mention of his brothers.
He raised an eyebrow and almost chuckled when Rachel said he’d taught her to fold a fitted sheet
He definitely perked up at the mention of the World Cup
It was nice to be able to share that the Philippines had won a game and that
Spain was still in the running

I talked about doing the chicken dance on New Year’s Eve
And how that same year for Christmas, we killed a chicken
Cut its neck with a blade in the backyard
De-feathered it
And cooked it for dinner
I remembered the three-course meals we’d shared at that very table
The silver napkin rings
The candles
Going to church on Sunday mornings and coming home for brunch
The way Tito Fernando would announce
“I’m going to measure the bed!” before his afternoon siesta
How we stayed up late and watched Cranford on PBS
How Tita Tinka taught us to bake mountains of cookies - jam thumbprints and lace cookies and truffles and, of course,
Flan! The first flan in the history of time to rival Abuela’s
All from her impossibly tiny kitchen

And then it was time to leave
We helped Tito Fernando back into his chair
I held his hand, and kissed his forehead
See you soon, Tito. We love you.
Binth picked us up and
I burst into tears
We had lunch by the wharf and Normand joined us
Dear friends who warm your heart

All too soon it was time to be back on the boat
And as we sailed past the lighthouse
To make sure that we’ll return
I threw a dime into the water
Because we didn’t have pennies
(I still feel guilty about throwing coins into the ocean. Is it ok?)
And an hour later
We were back
On the mainland.

Coach Bennett said to mix it up with this week
​So I did my long run on Thursday instead of Sunday
In Salem instead of Queens
Paul rode his bike beside me the whole way
Down the bike path and back
Through old town
Across to Winter Island with its lighthouse and beach
Around the Willows
(Past the beach and park where Volt got the zoomies during Thanksgiving and ran away and thought he was very clever and gave us all a heart attack)
Back through old town
Past houses built in the 17th century
On streets walked by puritans and witches
And pagans and tourists
And locals just going about their daily lives
Through the common 
Down the street
I announced each kilometer out loud 
After the app had announced it in my ear and
Ate a date every 5km
Until we were home again
The sky was blue
The sun was warm
And after 10miles/16.1km,
I felt
Victorious

A lovely long walk with Sumi to the Willows
Then walking to the other side of Salem to see Kassie
​How has it been 14 years?!
The delight of meeting her tiny human
And later
Sitting outside on a surprisingly cool summer evening
With a full belly
And a full heart
Feeling thankful thankful thankful
That I can still be with my chosen family.

Traveling with the Rabinowii
From Salem to Boston
Walking through the Common
Riding in a swan boat - sha la la!
And lunch in the park
(Lemonade on a hot summer’s day may be one of the greatest inventions ever made)
Walking to the aquarium
And admiring the schools of silvery fish
And the lugubrious turtle who can hold her breath for minutes at a time
The brightly colored anemones and the dazzling sea dragon
Finishing the day with ice cream in the plaza
Before heading home
Where the puppy snuggled on my lap.

I summed up my courage
And sent emails I’ve been meaning to send for months
Putting things in motion
Let’s do the thing.

It was a truly gorgeous glorious
Blue sky Sunday and
I ran all the way to Roosevelt Island
And home again
And it felt incredible.

There was a gorgeous mushroom growing on the lawn out front
A sign the fairies had been visiting
A perfect omen that felt like a blessing
We had lunch at the diner first
And got chocolate shakes at the ice cream place
Montana printed out the design
We talked about placement and color
I chose pink
I took a breath and we began
It didn’t hurt
A little uncomfortable
But I was so full of adrenalin
And it was nothing like getting a needle
(Or a biopsy)
And when it was done
I was full of joy
I’ve been waiting 9 years to do this

And now, I have a lovely reminder
It may be exciting
Or terrifying
Or devastating
Or healing or beautiful or joyful or heartbreaking or infuriating or even
Just eh or just all of the things that encapsulate the feelings of human existence
But, like Drew in your favorite childhood movie
Here you are for ever after
A fish with wings
Standing on the precipice 
Breathe, just breathe.

​A day trip to Washington D.C.
My plan had just been to wander down the mall
See where inspiration struck
When the bus pulled into Union Station
In the early afternoon
It was 37C / 98F
I sat in the shade of the Botanical Gardens
To eat my lunch
And wandered through the exhibits
The tropical zones felt temperate by comparison to the outside

The Museum of the American Indian
Fascinating and harrowing
The opposition of perspectives
The betrayed treaties
The visual poetry of Jenny Ann “Chapoose” Taylor’s “Nations”
A beaded American flag where
The stars are made from two-letter abbreviated state names and
The stripes from the names of 456 tribes
The hidden child in the bronze statue
Edward E. Hlavka’s “Allies in War, Partners in Peace”
You have to go into the alcove to see her
Glancing up at her elders
Clutching her doll

Late in the afternoon
It was still blazingly hot but
I walked down the mall anyway
Convened with The Council of Animals
Walked all the way down to the White House
Where the secret service were cycling the perimeter 
A large group of tourists clamored at the front gate of
The People’s House
Unable to enter
But still excitedly taking selfies

A few minutes down the road
Immigrant Food
Mission: Celebrate the successes of past immigrants and positively impacts today’s immigrants who have come to America to remake their lives
I had the Persian Plants and Peas --
Seasoned chicken, split peas, crackle rice, goji berries, kale, kalamata olive dressing and fresh mint
Created by Chef Taraneh Salehi

And then, the reason for the trip in the first place
A visit to The Kennedy Center
It’s always surreal to visit places IRL
That I’ve been researching online
They’re real!
(Much like America. I grew up watching it on TV, in movies. It’s real!)
The grandness of it
I felt sweaty and gross after the heat of the day and wished I could take a shower

Up to the gods of the concert hall
For the world premier of RENT with a symphony orchestra!
It began with an overture and before I knew it
The tears were flowing
All the feelings about all the ways this musical
Has been in my life for over two decades
Through high school and uni and travel
Through loves and losses
And international moves
And cancer (my own and dad’s and my friends and the friends who aren’t here any more)
And marriage
And now separation
How do you measure--

And at the end of the night
I boarded a bus
And traveled through the early morning
Back to New York City
Where it was still hot and
Where I call home
Despite all of its crazy and
All of its terrible contradictions
And collapsed into bed.

Dinner with a new friend
Inspiring and mind boggling and also every day
Thankful thankful thankful