I arrived in the US
Twelve years ago today
It’s strange to think of that person
Landing in the freezing cold at Denver Airport
Clutching a folder thick with immigration paperwork
Feeling excited and scared about the next adventure

In the twelve years since
I’ve been married and divorced
Survived cancer
Had my heart broken
Lost two grandparents
Lost six friends to cancer
Been in two choirs
Moved 7 times across 3 states
Lived with 5 different people
And survived NJ Transit

I’ve worked a lot of jobs
Second-hand bookshop and farm volunteer
Babysitter
Receptionist atop fancy glass towers
Broadway usher
Teacher
Vocal coach
Writer
Actor
Fake patient
Stage manager
Director
Podcast editor, and an
Operations/staff assistant

I’ve done the Artist’s Way twice and
Built Filmed Live Musicals
Written and performed a cabaret
Written a book chapter 
Spent hours in the archives at the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts 
Performed in Colorado, New Jersey, and New York
In plays, musicals, and immersive shows
Seen a show in every Broadway house
Taken class at Broadway Dance Center
Played flute and ukulele and piano

I’ve run, quite a bit
All around Fort Collins
Brooklyn, West New York,
Astoria, and Harlem
6 marathons
4 half marathons
And a handful of races

I’ve traveled to Acadia State Park and Atlanta
Salem and Boston and Washington DC
Traipsed around Connecticut
Honeymooned in the British Virgin Islands
Did a road trip from FoCo to New York
I’ve been back to Australia three times
And London once

I’ve frequented farmers markets
And made my own yogurt
Grown arugula and spinach and basil and chives
Strawberries and raspberries

I helped raise a sweet and ridiculous floof of a puppy
Learned Spanish and Danish
Learned to bake cheesecake
Learned to manage my depression

I grew my hair out again
Started eating meat again
Started morning pages again
Got my first tattoo
Tried contact lenses and
Finally got my drivers license

I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest
I’ve been held and taken care of and spoilt rotten
I’ve met, and become friends with, some of the most extraordinary and beautiful people
From FoCo, Brooklyn, Carteret, Astoria, and Harlem
MSK, front of house, MasterVoices, SP land, and, of course
Buck’s Rock

And today, on the anniversary of my moving here
I performed a two show day
With a group of people whom I utterly adore
With a lead actor whose cast albums I have listened to on repeat
In a rarely performed musical by a composer whose work inspired my life path
With friends in the audience

And tomorrow I’ll direct a musical with a cast of sweet and precocious kidlets
And the next day I’ll start rehearsals for a new project with MasterVoices
And I think
It’s taken twelve years, but I’m finally doing the thing I came here to do
It just took a little cancer, divorce, gestures-at-the-world-in-2025 detour to get here

I think about what I want from the next chapter
To live on my own
To travel, and keep exploring my glorious city
To visit all the museums
To fill my days with music and theatre and writing
And delicious food
And time with friends
And glorious books
To keep tripping the light fantastic
And being so very thankful
That despite *everything* (again, gestures-at-the-world-in-2025)
I’m here.

Today was a heartbreaking day
My former love and puppy driving across the country
To a whole new life
Without me
I couldn’t look at my screen
Or concentrate on work
So I pulled an Abuela and I retreated to the kitchen to make
A batch of lentejas
A big bowl of hummus
And a carrot/beet slaw
I shared the lentejas with a friend who got covid
And on the way home from work
Hanna and I braved the cold and got Hungry Jack’s
And the greasy burger and fatty fries and soft serve with chocolate fudge
Were the balm my soul needed

Snuggling with my little floof
His upside down head
His happy tail
The way he nuzzles into my lap
The same he did when he was a tiny puppy

There was a tiny puppy
On the subway
Its head sticking out of a bag
And its floppy ears
And happy face
Made everyone smile

Getting to see my little baby boy
And the way he wags his tail
And so desperately wants to jumps up
And then remembers his training
And just gets all the more excited
The way he nudges and chomps
And grabs his favorite toy
And heads for the door
And runs around the yard like a lunatic
MUMMY’S HOME!
And then the way he floops into my lap
And does his contented huff
It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces every time
And I miss him
And I love him
My sweet little ridiculous floof

​I miss my little floof, and,
Getting to snuggle him
Is simply
The best thing
In the whole wide world.

heaven is drinking from a fresh coconut at
smorgasburg in prospect park
filipino lemongrass chicken skewers and
corn on the cob slathered in mayo and cheese and salt and
guava maple lemonade

then running around the doggy park with
my little floof and
snuggling on the couch
and hearing his contented sigh.

​We went to Asbury Park
It was a bright blue sky day
Warmer than it has been
With a cool breeze that felt good in the sun
Voltaire ran across the sand like a lunatic
(He still won’t touch the water)
Sniffed and frolicked with puppies galore
And kept checking in with us
As if to say
YOU GUYZ THIS IS AMAZING
We walked along the boardwalk
And treated ourselves to lunch
Mussels and fries and chicken dumplings and
​Bougie grilled cheese washed down with a lychee beverage
We had chocolate peanut butter ice cream
And walked back along the beach
Voltaire found another burst of energy
We came home and flooped
And hoped to return again.

An unexpected afternoon all to myself
The house was quiet
The floof was with the sitter
Time and space to work without interruption
And then the floof came home
And we played in the yard
And then he flooped on his mumma’s lap and didn’t budge for hours
I watched Iolanthe
(Onto the next!)
And fell into bed
Content.

The way your puppy
Curls into a little black jellybean
After a long week.