Abel & Cole
Who deliver my food every week
From local farms
Suggested making potato mash
By first
Baking the potatoes on a bed of sea salt
And then mashing...
You say potato,
I say
Oh, sweet. heavenly. goodness!!!!

I'm reading
A history
Of women in power in England
Before Elizabeth I
The injustices these women faced!
Married off as political pawns at birth
Literally entering those marriages at 12
And being carted around Europe
And bearing the children
Of unfaithful
Selfish
Arrogant kings
Imagine being a 12thC princess
No thanks!

But if only
The trampling of women
Were "history"

Today I read
How the upcoming
Children's films
For 2013
Do nothing to promote
The visibility of women
On screen

Yesterday Upworthy published an article
Congratulating
Dove for using
"real women"
In its "real beauty" campaign
Yes, they
weren't anorexic
But where was their cellulite?
Or their stretch
marks?
Or body hair?
Or skin "blemishes"?
Just as photoshopped and
airbrushed as the
Derided Victoria's Secret bikini models
Visible but conformist
To the gaze
That requires
Perfect bodies

The answer?
Speak out!
Say it is wrong!
Point out where the trouble is
But
The Independent
Published an article
About how when women speak out
They are literally told to
Shut up

Today
If you are a powerful woman
You are a witch
A bitch
A liar
Criticized for not wearing makeup
For wearing too much makeup
For being visible at all

I'm sick of
People not treating
Other people
As people
Because of race gender beliefs
Whatever
I'm sick of living
In a culture
So
entrenched for
Centuries
That prizes women for
Their glorified looks
For their silence

I want to live in a world
Where people are people
The end.

In two weeks
Eve Ensler is calling
For people to
Rise
To stand up against
Inequality
And brutality
Towards women

I want to rise
To say
Whoever you are
Whether you identify as man woman or neither
Please can we just work together
To make life on this unstable planet more bearable
More fun
More beautiful
To ensure
Every person
Born to this planet
Has good food
And shelter
And access to music
And culture
And freedom of expression
And freedom to be
Themselves
Perfect
Just as they are

The end.

It is nice to come home
To cheese and crackers
And homemade hummus
And to chat with your love
And to light a candle
And be still

The end.

In the minutiae 
Of every day life
Life can seem
Eternally long
We have forever 
 
But really
Life is short 
A flicker 
A moment 
 
To remember 
To embrace it
Whole heartedly
Without fear
To seize the day
 
And live.

It is 8 degrees (46 Fahrenheit)
And the sky is blue
And the sun is shining
And you jog to the park
And there are kids playing soccer
And rugby
There are other people running
You smile at each other in runner code
It's (relatively) warm! The sun is shining!
We're running without thermals on!
We can RUN without fear of slipping!

People are walking their dogs
And the dogs are ecstatic
The grass has become muddy
The dogs' legs and bellies are covered in mud
The kids who have been playing sport
Are covered in mud
Across London tonight
There will be washing machines full of muddy clothes and towels

There is a solitary patch of snow left in the grass
A man is stomping in it
Perhaps he is reliving his childhood
Perhaps he is cleaning his black shoes
Perhaps he just likes snow

It is a little blustery
But the sky is blue
The grass is green
The sun is warm
And it is delicious

The end.

Imagine the mercury
Has risen to 7 degrees Celsius
And it feels practically balmy
You don't even need a scarf
Or a beannie
And it's windy
The kind of fresh strong breeze
That exhilarates
That suggests
Change is in the air
Which way is it blowing?

And despite the wind
And the patchy rain
The streets are incredibly busy

Bustling and jostling
And all the cliches of a crowded city
And you hear an Australian voice say behind you
"God, I don't know how they live like
this!"
And it makes you laugh
And you actually turn around and smile at him
Because we're in London!
One of the oldest cities!
Isn't it wonderful?!

And you ride home on the Tube
And you walk home to your flat
And you think
Here I am.

The end.

It's cold
And rainy
And miserable
And you sit on the tube
And wish desperately you could
Apparate to your apartment

And you put your ipod on shuffle
And let the music transport you instead
And a piece you know
But haven't heard for a while
Begins to play
And the voices are soothing
And quieting
And remind you to breathe
And be still

And you feel
Much better
And you make it home
For hot chocolate

The end.

Today's moment
Of awesome came
When I realized,
After the fact,
That I had run just over 5km
In just-below zero temperatures

And didn't even notice

The end.

We met.
We traveled the world together
We walked 780km across northern Spain together
He loved music and singing and played guitar and saxophone
He proposed twice in two different countries, the second time in front of my family with the ring we had designed together
Dreams of a house in the 'burbs
And a life of stability
Together.

And then one night
He called
And literally over the phone
Said it was over.

The end.
No explanation, no chance for discussion. Please collect your things,
Goodbye.

And by coincidence
Or fate or providence
Or sheer good fortune
Two days later I started a meditation course
In the introductions
I could barely even say my own name
Literally burst into tears
And sobbed out my story
Witness the breath
You are not your emotions
It is okay to cry
Every week
A new practise
A daily commitment
To just be
I went to sleep every night with the ipod he had given me under my pillow
With Sarah Edelman meditations
You are safe
And you are well

And in the year that followed
I cried more than I ever had in my life
But, every day
Meditation
And all my teachers
Jon Kabat-Zin, Louise L. Hay,
Doreen Virtue, Anodea Judith, Eckart Tolle
Lorna and Judy and all the women and men in my class
Kept me sane
Breathe in, breathe out,
Be here, now
Without judgement
I started running again
Ran my first half-marathon
I decided to become an actor
And quit my day job

And within a couple of months
Had my first paid acting gig
And had been accepted to drama school in London
I got singing and dance lessons
I traveled on my own
I saw my idols performing
I moved overseas and dared to live the life I had always wanted
I learnt to stop hating myself (that in itself, the greatest milestone. Oh to look at younger me now and laugh at how she couldn't even look herself in the mirror, how she wished so much to be more, to be better, to be different, to be so not herself!)

It was harder than
I ever could have imagined
I'm not kidding when I say I cried and hurt and raged with grief
But the meditation, the running, the eating well,
The following my path
Because it was my own
Was freeing and liberating and self-affirming

And now
Three years later
The grief is still there
Though far more manageable
Life has changed
I have a new love
New adventures to look forward to
And a completely different perspective

I just have to breathe
And be present
And
This too shall pass
And all is well. 

The end

Today I cried watching this video
Then downloaded the song
And with
Alicia on repeat
Ran 5km
Despite the snow still on the ground
And recalled that the next adventure
Is just around the corner

The end.