There is a woman using a coffee straw like a toothpick. She looks like Julia Roberts, if Julia Roberts had stringy hair. She is wearing a baseball cap with an over-sized fur pom-pom on the top. Mouth wide open, she methodically works her way through her back teeth. 

​Going over the bridge, between Canal and Dekalb, she pauses from cleaning her teeth to make a call.

“They only have it mocha. No, no brown. It will take longer to get brown. I want the long table.” She elongates the long to laawng. "I'll call you back. I'm about to lose - "

She resumes picking at her teeth. There is something, remnants of turkey burger, stuck between the molars on the left. It kind of hurts. When she rubs over the spot with her tongue she can still taste the turkey. She jiggles the straw to get at the morsel. The straw pushes the tiny bit of turkey deeper into the gap between the teeth.

At Prospect Park her phone regains reception. Straw still in her mouth, she picks up the phone. 

​“Huh? What? Yeh, I’m in Brooklyn.” 

At Church Ave she collects her bag. 

"I'm coming up now. I'm telling you, the brown isn't available."

She dumps the toothpick straw as she steps off the train. The end is wet with tiny bits of turkey stuck to it. It rolls on the floor, coming to rest under the seat.  

You’re a small kid in Sydney
And the circus is coming to town
And you’re really excited
Because you get to meet the ringmaster!
Even though you haven’t met before
He’s an old family friend
Because his mom knew your Abuelo
From when she served in the Women’s Army Corps and was stationed in Manilla
 
Dinny The Ringmaster
Is one of the coolest people you have ever met
He is American and very tall and he does magic
“Make us fly Dinny!” we begged.
“The magic only works at the circus,” he said with a knowing twinkle in his eye.
It was a special treat to go to the circus
We were still small enough to need a nap
We had to sleep beforehand, or we weren’t allowed to go
 
My memories are blurry now
But I have sense of overwhelming happiness when I think back to that time
It was exciting, and fun
And having the ringmaster to dinner at our house was very glamorous
 
Twenty-odd years later
You reconnect on facebook
And promise to meet if you have ever happen to be in the same city
 
This week it happened
A call out of the blue
“Luisa, it’s Dinny! I’m in New York!”
And you squeal with delight
The circus is back!
Well, not the whole circus 
The daredevil clown with the giant hair
Bello Nock with Bello Mania! 
And Dinny is the MC
 
You get to go to the dress rehearsal
At the New Victory Theatre
The tech tables are still set up in the back
And even though you’re one of about 15 people in the audience
You have one of the best nights of theatre you’ve had in forever
You never stop laughing
The joy of the clown
The delight of the magic
The adrenalin from watching a grown man bicycle across a tight rope
Or climb a pole that reaches almost to the ceiling, and stand on an impossibly tiny box at the top of it to retrieve an errant red balloon
Which, once descended from the heights, he hands to you with a grin
And you’re not a 31-year-old cancer survivor living in New York
You’re five years old
And the world is magical and full of whimsy and delight
 
And you re-meet Dinny
And he is every bit as wonderful and fun as you remember
And you sit and chat for a bit in the green room
And you feel light and happy
And the next day, you’re still floating because
The circus made you fly. 

Today we get to celebrate
The birth of 
The best person I know

​He’s intelligent and funny
Kind-hearted and hard working
Patient and loving
Wise beyond his years
 
We fell in love under shooting stars
He bought me strawberries and chevre
And we picnicked on the lawn
We quoted Monty Python and Tolle and 10 things
He sent me a mix-iPod
 
We skyped every single day we were apart
Waited nearly a full year for the visa
And in that time, he was patient and present
And unwavering
 
When I got sick
He was patient and present and kind and loving
And despite the nausea and fatigue and depression and general grossness that is cancer
He never stopped being patient and present and kind and loving

Being married to him is even better than I’d imagined
I get to wake up every day with this amazing person
And share a home that is happy and safe and warm and fun 

​I love watching him teach, his seemingly effortless Socratic style
I love watching him rig lights atop a ladder 
I love watching him angry-type when he’s arguing a point on facebook
He loves a good debate
He's not actually angry, just passionate 
I love that he listens with compassion
Wants to educate, but isn't afraid to learn 
I love that he celebrates my nerdery
Because he’s a massive nerd too
I love that he can now quote Hamilton better than I can
 
He loves a good meal
He’s a wonderful chef
Roast duck, pho from scratch, rice paper wraps, steaks
He makes the best damn grilled cheese

He has a wonderful tribe
Blood and chosen, his people are loving, supportive, fun
If Papa Jesse is his twin, I’m totally ok with who Aaron will be in thirty years
Even with the love of horror movies
 
He always messages when he gets there safe
He always messages when he’s on his way home
He tells me, and shows me, he loves me
Every. Single. Day.
 
He is my best friend
My lover
My husband
ADR
 
I’m so lucky I get to share a life with you
I love you forever and always and to infinity and back
Celebrating you is my favorite holiday (they should make it a holiday. Working on your birthday is the worst!) 
Happy birthday my love.

There's a little boy, maybe seven or eight, with a sweet and inquisitive face. He's one of those bright kids that given half a chance could be brilliant. Right now, he's restless and bored. These long trips home on the subway are interminable. If only he had something to do.

His mother is exhausted. Exhausted in life and exhausted by him. Why won't he just sit still and be good like his sister? The good child is fast asleep in her lap. The mother leans her head back and closes her eyes. 

The boy sees his mother is dozing. He must not make any noise. He stands and faces her, checking to see if she is really asleep or just pretending. Her eyes remain closed. Between her feet on the floor is her backpack. He thinks there maybe something fun in it. A book? A snack? He carefully reaches into the bag. Just when he thinks he has got something, his mother's eyes flick open.

"GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT," she hisses. "You're gonna to get it when we get home." 

The boy sits back down, watching her face the whole time. Will she hit him here?

A group of older boys gets on the train. They are tall. They swagger. They stand in the middle of the carriage. One boy calls out,  

"What time is it?" 

The group responds,

"Show time!"

The little boy is immediately enthralled.

"Mama, it's showtime!"

She glares at him, resumes her nap.
​
One by one, the boys perform flips and jumps using the handrails and poles. In between, they do tricks with their baseball caps, seamlessly flipping them up and down their arms and back onto their heads. The boys are noisy. They are brash. They are brilliant. No one tells them to be quiet and sit down.

The little boy stares. He could be one of them one day, if they showed him how. He sits up a little taller when they come by with a hat asking for donations. If only he could drop some money, even just a dollar bill, into the hat. Then they'd notice him, maybe even make him a part of their troupe. 

"Mama," he says. Through half-closed eyelids, she snarls at him to be quiet. 

Well, I'm soaked to the bone
But I ran in Central Park!
I'm a New Yorker!

It may have been raining
Close to pouring actually, 
But my new running buddies were lovely
Let me go at my pace and pushed me too
We're conquering cancer 
Training in the Ulman Cancer Fund's
Cancer to 5km program

The best part was the trees
Magnolias! Blossoms!
And the flowers
Jonquils! Daffodils!
It's so damn glorious

The start of spring
The start of a new training season
I completed 12 weeks of the last one
Only for the hemogoblin goblin
To take residence 
Right before race day
Will I make it this time?

Feeling a part of 
The community of runners
Out on a day like today, insane and
Glorious too
Look at us, out in the rain! 

It has been so hard
The struggle, is most definitely,
Absolutely real
But today was a good day and
​My heart sings.