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Ruth

I met Ruth exactly two years ago today
Give or take a few days 
We were in New York before camp
Visiting Aaron’s family.
As a couple, we were still kind of new then - 
Even though we’d been together for a
year
Most of it had been long distance - 
Everyone met at Jake and Ruth’s
apartment
Pictures of times gone by
Baby Aaron. Baby cousins. Weddings and celebrations and friends and lives lived
Richly.
And then we went out to dinner somewhere uptown 
Most of the family gathered, a few key branches were not in the city
I was excited because the Tony Awards were uptown that year
And we could see the barricades and television
trucks setting up from the restaurant 
 
Ruth was already elderly 
Already in the late stages of alzheimer’s 
But she smiled the whole evening
Seemed happy to see her family gathered 
Jake hardly said a word
But I knew I’d been accepted when, towards the end of the meal
He ate food right off my plate 
 
And two years later
Aaron and I are married 
And on the way to living in New York 
We’re still new in a way 
But together forever now 
 
We were on our way to Richmond
When we received the sad news
That Ruth had passed away
We drove to New York
Exhausted from twelve days on the road
And were greeted by the family
 
My first full family dinner 
With my American family 
The thrill of everyone being together
Tempered by the fact that the 
Matriarch was missing 
A joyful meal in her memory
Lobster and plates upon plates of Chinese dishes
from Chinatown 
 
And today, the funeral
We drove to Dobbs Ferry 
Saw Ruth’s body dressed in a white shroud, 
Resting in a plain wooden coffin 
She looked peaceful, just sleeping. 
Family and friends gathered
Stories shared 
Tears and tissues 
The laughter of shared stories remembered 

A kind and loving matriarch
A teacher who worked professionally before children
and marriage 
A wonderful cook 
A beloved friend 
A gutsy socialist who believed in better for all 

The funeral procession up to the cemetery 
The coffin lowered into the earth
The Rabbi (female) leading the kaddish
Religious tradition providing a framework
Comforting custom 
Helping to bury the dead
Ruth's final resting place
Overlooking a valley of trees 
One of the most beautiful I've seen 

In the afternoon
More eating, of course 
I sat next to Jake, who ate right off my plate
The family gathered in celebration of their mom 
And grandmother 
 
I didn’t get to know Ruth during her life
But today I feel like I have a better sense of who she is 
Who she was 
My place in this as her grandson’s wife
The changing of the guard 
Picking up where she left off 
Carrying on her legacy 
Education and travel and experience 
A love of food, a love of people, a love of life
 
I grew up a world away
And yet, I feel at home with this family 
Sitting with them in their grief
And memories
And love
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One day the wind changes
And a new nanny blows in from the north
A young lady who is on her own journey
But your four-year-old self has no concept of any of that
She is a magical lovely being
With bright curly hair
And a big smile
She makes everything fun
Your very own Mary Poppins
She is even English! 
And she becomes a part of your life. Your family. Your
world. 

Eventually, the wind changes
As it must and always will
And your very own Mary Poppins
Heads off again for more adventures of her own

Over the years you all keep in touch
Until it grows sporadic 
Life just happens 
You go to school
Parents separate 
You go to high school and university
And travel 
And write 
And everybody goes about their days filled with breakfasts, and lunches, and
dinners
And the small things we don’t think about
That mark and pass each day
Until over twenty years have passed 
 
And you’re a year off from thirty 
And out of the blue
Your very own Mary Poppins writes to you through your
website 
And you discover she lives in Chicago! 
You plan to meet up.
You’re nervous. Why?! 
It has been close to twenty-five years since you’ve seen each
other! 

And you see her, and she’s still your nanny
She’s still magical and lovely 
Still has the great big smile, though all her curls are gone
And she has children of her own
(The same age you were once upon a time!) 
And even though all this time has passed
Even though all these lives have been lived in the intervening
time
It’s just like being with family, with a very close aunt or big
sister 
She asks if you could stay in Chicago and become her
nanny! 
You wish you could. You really do. 
You never want to leave! 

But the wind has changed
And you’re headed off for adventures of your own
You give her a hug
And promise to return
That night, your heart is so full
You can’t even sleep. 
It’s not memories, or even topics of conversation,
It’s this sense
That you’ve rediscovered who you are
Where you came from
And who was there
Who made you who you are
And that time and space
Can never separate kindred spirits
People who are supposed to be in our lives
And make it better

The end. 
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Farewell Fort Collins! 
Blink and you almost miss it. 
The pretty grid of streets becomes farmland in less than fifteen minutes.
Hit the freeway. 
The mountains recede in the rear view mirror and, 
Welcome to Wyoming! 
The land becomes flatter 
Until there is nothing but flat green to the distant horizon.

Welcome to Nebraska! 
Mother Mary at the border. 
Endless fields punctuated by giant horizontal, triangular sprinklers
Large metal silos and water towers
Herds of cattle
The occasional horse.
Trains snake their way along tracks in the distance.
Clusters of trees denote houses. Long dusty driveways trail from the house and run parallel to the freeway.
State-sponsored rest-stops with spotless restrooms and vending machines selling candy and soda. 
Funky tasting water from the water fountains.
Outside, wind-blown picnic tables sit empty
Signs detail generic area histories. 
The Native Americans... 
The white “pioneers” and “settlers” ... 
Electricity 
“Progress”
Imagine traveling through here before asphalt and gas stations and water towers?! 
Drive past Lincoln: Capital of Nebraska. President of the USA. Memorial in Washington. Library block and blue “house” at my high school in Sydney (Sydney, Australia - not Sidney, Wyoming).

We zip down the freeway. 
Who organizes these endless fields? Switches on the sprinklers? Surveys the land? 
Who creates the timetables of those long trains that chug through the landscape?
Or can sometimes be seen sitting still in the middle of nowhere. Where is the driver? 
The network of gas stations. The people who staff them.
The road. The road. The road. 

Puffy white clouds create patterns of sun and shade over the fields 
Head towards darker clouds, and then, hard driving rain on the windshield. 
Pass through. 
More road, more fields, more clouds. 
Wire fences and tilled land as far as the eye can see
Wide open spaces.  
Road kill. Religious billboards. And gas stations. 

Signs for Kansas City (everything’s up t’ date in...!) 
The bridge with the monument and winged horses.
The bridge with the metal and corrugated iron sailing ships.
Welcome to Iowa! 
Immediately after the border, the landscape begins to undulate. 
We have been on the road for 9 hours.

We pull into Minden, Iowa. 
(Min-den? Or Mind-en?)
Outside the Country General Store, a sun-faded sign
You are stomping into Minden!
With a couple standing in a bucket of grapes. There are cut-out spaces for heads and hands. Touristy. Gimmicky. Hilarious. 
Travel down the road.
A cemetery lined with red, white, and blue flags.
It seems almost festive, all that color and movement
Flags waving in the wind. 
  
Follow the road and arrows pointing to the motel and 
“Central Business District”
Our road and two others converge on the war memorial
 A sculptured
Over-sized American eagle, bronzed and bedecked in stars
Sternly stares down Main St 
The one-storey motel, ex-legion’s club, community hall, post office, bank, and
Church 
All look on in respect. 
Further east down the road 
A meat-packing and processing facility is bordered by the drug store,
The grocery store sits opposite. 
Neat houses with trim lawns and brightly colored pin wheels stand almost regimentally down the street.
West of the memorial - 
The fire station/mayor’s office
And more houses
Beyond Main Street, the world is fields of green and metal silos. 

The motel is currently staffed by an obese older man. 
He breathes heavily. The manager is at the movies with her boyfriend. 
He takes us down to our room. 
Here you go. Leave that switch on, it’s connected to the fridge. Shower in there. We have cable. 450 channels. We have wifi, I think. Not sure how to work it. I don’t have a computer. Enjoy your stay. 
He shuffles back down the hallway. The effort is immense.

We seek out dinner. The grocery store is closed. The manager has returned. Marin. She is Egyptian. How did she end up in Minden, Iowa? 
Marin of Minden offers frozen dinners - Salisbury steak with corn and mash. 
The hippies, formerly of Fort Collins, who have cooked farmer’s market meals seven days a week for the past six months, try not to recoil rudely in fear of microwave food stuffs. 
One dollar only! I make no profit! 
We smile. Thank you, but I’m a vegetarian.
She looks at me curiously, processing this foreign term, vegetarian.
Ah! I have olives! And crackers? It’s Sunday. Everything closed! But, gas station, just down the road! 
Apologetic thank you’s, and we head back to the car. 
I love you! Marin calls out.  

I eat granola for dinner. Damn hippies! 
In the morning, it’s back on the road. 
Count the road kill. Count the religious billboards. Count the gas stations.
The big move east,
We’re on our way. 
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Fort Collins. Photo by Tim O'Hara

I arrived in a snowstorm
The thermometer reading -10C (14F) 
The trees were bare, the fields brown
I was stressed and tired and sick
From almost a year of waiting 
To be with my love
And finally, I was here. 

Once upon a time
People came to Colorado for healing
The mountain air prescribed as a curative for 
Asthma and anxiety and neuroses of the soul.
After London, I needed healing.
Fort Collins was not in The Plan.
But providence/luck/fortune/life
Bought me here
And the rocky mountains did their job
Along with the kind souls encountered

Perhaps London was a dream. And Sydney another lifetime. 
In just the past six months, 
My love and I were married 
I performed in my first Shakespeare
Priced row upon row of vintage books
Planted peas and potatoes and tiny slender leeks and
Harvested buckets full of greens
We played board games and card games and made sense of puzzles
We watched our way through seasons of HBO hits, and 
While my love lectured on ethics
I cycled for miles, in sun, in rain, in snow, in biting cold and raging wind. 
In the afternoons, I watched over a small human - my time here accounts for two-thirds of his entire life. 
I wrote the first draft of my one person show
I borrowed books from the library and made ample use of their inter-library-loan program
Reading books from Wyoming and Oklahoma and Arkansas. 
We found ourselves in a circle of friends 
Caring and generous and kind and fun
What took two years in London
Took six months in Fort Collins. 

It wasn't always easy. I couldn't work. Couldn't drive. Was restricted by extreme cold. 
I had bouts of depression and couldn't access counseling services. 
But I was with my love
And it was a wonderful adventure. 

Now, new adventures await
And we must say goodbye 
The college kids. Old Town. Cycling. The breweries. The canyon. The reservoir. The ‘A’ on the hill. Drip coffee. The eerie whoooooooo of the trains rumbling through town. Wolverine and Happy Heart. The Farmer's Market, Jodar Farms and Donoma Farms, The Cave Girl, Mt Everest and Youngs and the Chinese restaurant with the kids behind the counter. OpenStage and CSU and taichi and yoga. The library, the archives, the Poudre River, and the Spring Creek Trail. The park, the lake, running down wide streets. 
An entire town is impossible to capture in list form. 

We leave when the trees are full of green and 
At the tail end of a “wild weather” week -  
Thunder storms, and rivers ready to burst their banks, and the threat of tornados. 
The sky provides a free light show on our final night, and eventually
It rains.  
In the morning, we sweep the floors
Say goodbye to our first place together, 
And close the door, 
Giving thanks
That we have lived here. 
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This weekend in Sydney, the University of New South Wales volunteer program “Yellow Shirts” celebrated its 25th anniversary. Yellow Shirts are a group of 100+ students who give up their time to help orientate new students, geographically, academically, and socially, arriving at UNSW. Orientation Week, or O-Week, is one of the largest programs of its kind, runs for a full five days from 9am til late, and is filled with activities from campus tours, to jumping castles and giant jenga to clubs and society events and live bands. Volunteers receive extensive training, and become a part of an amazing group of people once referred to as the “sunshine army”. 

Seeing the images and stories from the anniversary pop up in my facebook feed made me nostalgic and strangely homesick. Memories of my four years as a Yellow Shirt volunteer pop up in fragmented fashion. Before living in America, before cutting off all my hair, before engagement, before world travel, there was uni, and there was Yellow Shirts. 

Squads, OT, double squads, quadruple squad outings, the importance of FAFYing and CWEFLS, and never using terms and abbreviations that outsiders/newcomers wouldn’t understand. Running around late at night at training camp and accidentally bursting into a room where two Muslim volunteers were quietly praying. Rehearsing for the band in the Huts and heading up to the Rege for $5 steaks (before I was a vegetarian...) and card games. Sitting in Coffee Republic whilst the O-Week Coordinator consoled me, above and beyond her duties, because I hadn’t been selected as a squad leader - and how that year I was placed with one of the most amazing people I have ever encountered and how he changed the entire way I looked at leadership. The year it poured with rain and we moved everything inside the Roundhouse, and how one squad provided tarp-covered escorts up the Main Walkway for arriving students. The relationships that formed, the boys I fell in love with. The couples still together, the families born. One day soon there will be second-generation shirts...

Beyond the memories of those four years, reflecting this weekend has reminded me how much that time has shaped me as a person. My time at UNSW was marked by the height of my depression. One volunteer recruiting session, which lasted well into the night, saw me escaping out into the cool night air, and sitting sobbing at the top of main walkway and contemplating if I should just end everything. Despite the pain and grief I was suffering, I look back now and think of my world at UNSW as an extremely happy and productive one.

Volunteering gave me an immense number of skills, practical not only on a CV checklist but in the real world. Talking with strangers, engaging with people across cultures, and barriers of language and age, organizational skills, team work, leadership, problem solving, and event planning. These skills have allowed me to confidently venture out into the world, and directly led to paid employment in three different countries in a variety of fields, including theatre, sustainability, retail, teaching, and running my own business.

Being a Yellow Shirt led me to the Contact Coordinator role, a part-time paid position overseeing the running of an information and referral centre at the university - often referred to as the O-Week outside of O-Week. That job covered my rent and expenses whilst I finished my undergrad, and gave me the skills of managing a team of 100 student volunteers, and overseeing the success of a crucial student service at a time when student services were being reduced, or cut altogether, at universities across Australia.

Beyond the skills, the greatest part of volunteering was the people. Like-minded souls with similar interests, people who pushed my comfort zones and broadened my horizons. They opened my eyes to the world around me, taught me about leadership and teamwork, and the bounds of friendship. My fellow volunteers are among the most wonderful, creative, talented, and lovely folk I have ever encountered. They are now dotted around the globe, and have gone on to be come scientists, doctors, lawyers, analysts, economists, historians, writers, politicians, actors, musicians, journalists, mothers and fathers. I am a lucky soul indeed to be able to count them amongst my friends.

Since becoming a Yellow Shirt, I have volunteered in theaters, bookshops, and on farms. I have learnt to put my hand up for projects, and roles, where there is little or no monetary payment, that have gifted me with friendships, books, food, and impossible-to-price experiences.

I have often joked that working a day job allows me to pay for the experience of volunteering. Those countless volunteer hours, in a variety of programs, not only gave me tangible skills, and a degree, they undeniably shaped who I am. And for that, I am eternally grateful. 
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View from the stupa (Shambala Mountain Center)

In the canyon
(It used to be “cañon”
From the Spanish
Meaning "tube") 
Camp by the river
Tents and tables and a fire 

Trees perched impossibly on the sides of cliffs
The smell of dead trees burning and the sight of white wispy
Ash. 
Bald rocks with 
Tufts of sprouting dry green hair in their crevices
Lichen covered rocks.

Water bubbles and froths 
Around water-logged stones 
Becoming more water 
Coursing down the river
The sound of it
I want to jump in
Knowing it will be freezing
Snow melt
The breeze
Human stillness in the “quiet” of nature
A small black bird bathes in the shallows.

Someone has drawn a large neat spiral into the sandbank
Though the water has eaten the bottom half
Prints of dog paw
Haphazard, excited in the
Wet sand
Evidence of the tide 
Golden flecks shimmer
Alluvial dust, fool’s gold 
The sparkle of minerals 
Restorative cold stone soup 

A tiny bug on the paper
Too narrow for a tick
Let it wander
It meanders into the fold of the book 
Once a tree
The infintessimal and the infinite 

Drive up through the mountains
Wander down to the stupa
Wind and light
Quiet reflection 
Write the names of those recently, and long ago,
Dearly departed
In the book in the temple
And hope that their names here
Will make their restless spirits peaceful. 
Deer and chipmunks and impossible birds 

Sit beneath shady trees and 
Bright blue sky
Beside the rushing river 
With friends and chatter and see 
Human consciousness 
Elevating towards love and light
Until the next big bang,
When the universe 
Returns to the size of a pin 
And the canyon
Is no more

The end. 
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Come hither Lego.

Warning: The below contains spoilers. All pictures in this post from here.

The Lego Movie is fun, clever, and visually spectacular. It’s one major flaw is its failure to adequately represent, or include, women in its story-telling.  

You Can Build It!
In a world whose premise is you can build anything if you only have the imagination, it seems we still can’t build gender equality. 

It’s just a movie! Why should we care? Because it has raked in $425 million worldwide, and in the US was the number one film at the box office for three weeks after its initial release, and third in its fourth week. Because media influences both the way we perceive ourselves, and the way in which we frame our world. It is not the be all and end all. Education, family, and a variety of other factors will also come into play. But we cannot deny that media plays an enormous role.

The Lego Movie fails the most basic test of females on screen, the Bechdel test (two or more named female characters, who talk to each other, about something other than a man). While there are more than two named female characters, they never engage with each other (unless the two sentence throw-away lines between WyldStyle and Princess UniKitty constitutes a “conversation”). 

The women in the film are representations of outdated stereotypes of women. The Rebel. The Mother. The Perky One. The Demon. The film establishes very quickly that the idea of Lego is play and imagination. In a world where absolutely anything can be built, created, or established, why are women still relegated to these few (tired) roles? Where are the space women? The inventors? Explorers? Sage women? The female heroes who actually get to save the day?  
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women: demonic robots or cat ladies

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Women in the World
The four main worlds, Bricksburg, the Wild West, Cloud Cuckoo Land, and the Octan Corporation, of The Lego Movie did portray some women, but women still fail to make up half the population. In the Bricksburg community, just one female is named, Mrs Scratchen-Post. Her defining feature is her parade of cats, because older women without husbands around are OBVIOUSLY cat ladies! At the construction site, we hear many female voices (progression!), however only one is named, Gail the Construction Worker. Her defining feature is that she is “perky”. In the Wild West, females are heard, but not entirely visible. Denzil over at Medium states in her post that women were visible as performers or barmaids, but I missed that entirely. If this is the case, women exist in this world for the benefit of men to watch, or to serve them. In Cloud Cuckoo Land, the Council of Master Builders is inhabited by a crowd of mostly men, and a grand total of three women - Wonder Woman, Princess Unikitty, and WyldStyle. One of these women is not human, but a unicorn/kitten, one is scantily clad and only around for comedic value (invisible space ship! LOLZ!). Women can become leaders, but their presence is the exception, rather than the rule, or even close to standard. Over at the Octan Corporation, the females are represented by the company computer, and Ma, BadCop/GoodCop’s suffering mother. In this evil-looking dark world, women are either subservient, or mothers. Women in leadership positions?! Forget about it. 

In the brief portrayal of the human world, women are off-screen voices, a mother and sister whose sole purpose is stop/destroy the fun of the boy’s playful and imaginative world.
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Leading ladies are SEXY!

Leading Ladies
The film boasts two central female characters. Princess UniKitty and WyldStyle. Women have two options here: fluffy sparkle rainbow girl, or punk-goth-angsty girl. The range of role models is overwhelming. We’re being generous if we throw in Wonder Woman, the busty, scantily clad, though mostly silent and absent in this film, cameo. Beyond two throwaway sentences, the women never interact. Princess Unikitty comes from the land of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. She is always positive, and when she’s not, she’s fierce and angry. Women can only have two sides: outrageously happy, or a demon.

We learn very quickly that WyldStyle is highly skilled and talented - she initially finds the Piece of Resistance, and rescues the protagonist, Emmett, in a daring and exciting high speed chase. Unfortunately, her skill and bravado ends there. Emmett’s only sees her as “beautiful” - face radiantly lit, hair swirling round her perfect yellow lego head, so beautiful that he cannot even focus on her words. The film reinforces the idea that woman can only be pretty, and it’s ok if a man doesn’t engage with her actual thoughts and words. Once in the Wild West, in order to “blend in”, WyldStyle changes into a busty costume, despite the fact that no other females are dressed in this way. Again, women can only be busty, pretty, and overtly sexualized, even when there is zero need for them to be do. 

The animators/story-tellers use these tropes so that audiences (at least adult ones) understand that this is itself a joke, set-up as tongue in cheek, but we never get to see any other side of WyldStyle. She is never given an authoritative voice. That privilege is given to Vitruvius, old man lego, (although voiced by Morgan Freeman, Vitruvius is a yellow/white lego. The presence of one or two black-skinned legos suggests the yellow “regular” legos are representative of caucasion people. Why can’t Vitruvius be black? Because in our world, ultimate status is given to old white men, reinforced in the film by the presence of Dumbledore, Shakespeare, and Gandalf. Which leads to another important question, where are the women of color in the Lego world?).

We discover that WyldStyle has undergone a series of name changes in order to “find” her current persona. The name WyldStyle in itself refers to the fact that she is not a regular female. By dressing in black, dying her hair, and being a rare female master builder, she is not a regular female, she is “wild”, and untamed. WyldStyle only becomes happy with her “real” name, Lucy, and “true self” (which apparently means no longer being an action hero) when a man tells her he likes it. In the end, despite establishing that Lucy and Batman genuinely care for each other, Lucy gives up gives up her love for the “flawed” Batman in order to be with Emmett, the “hero” of the film. Again we see the tired trope of women as objects, in this case a trophy that the male protagonist wins by saving the world. Although established as an exciting, gutsy, and capable women, WyldStyle becomes the object of Emmett’s affections (not for her skill, but her beauty), and once Batman arrives on the scene, fails to offer leadership, new ideas, or anything of substance. Girls can be independent, but once a boy arrives on the scene, their job is to look pretty. The end.  
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Gail: building progress!

Gail: Building Progress! The Lego Movie 2: Let's Try Again 
Women in the Lego world? Cat ladies, mothers, construction workers (only if you’re perky), girlfriends, perky v. demon, rainbow v. goth, and subservient. Not very imaginative. A sequel is already in the works. I only hope that the writers and story-tellers get the Bechdel Test memo and a crash course in feminism 101 before they start writing. In a world where anything is possible, I hope they can start imagining and building lands where women and men play equal roles, or at least where there are more than two female women, who speak to each other at length, about something other than a man. 

I believe you can build it, all you need is the imagination.
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In response to my request to 
Veet 
Asking them to remove their ads
Purporting that hairiness will turn a woman into a man
My friend wrote about 
“The poor girl 
With the hair on her upper lip”
Poor 
As in tragic, bad, ugly
Because she was born into a society
That deems body hair
On women
Ugly, unwanted, uncool
Unfeminine 

I read a book as a child 
The story of a baby
From the baby’s perspective 
Where 
Daddy = hairy
Mummy = smooth 
And I thought 
Well, I’ll never be a mother 
At least not the quintessential one
Because I’m not smooth
I am hairy

And I grew up in a family
Where that was a bad thing
Hair = Ugly 
And must be shaved off 
Gotten rid of
My body was a place of shame and disgust
This notion reinforced by 
Magazines, films, music videos where
Women did not have hair
And those who did
Were Unattractive 
Or Hippies or Deviants and Therefore
Socially. Unacceptable. 

And for someone who is 
Naturally hairy
That is utterly, utterly crushing
It made me nervous to go swimming
Terrified to wear a bikini
“But you’re so skinny! Show off your body!”
I could never say why I was afraid
Being hairy was less than womanly, less than feminine 
Less than human 

We live in a world
Where there exists a 
Multi-billion dollar industry
For the removal of hair
Waxes, razors, lazers
Bleaches 
Lotions, creams, gels
Epilators, tweezers
And sprays 
To serve the purpose of 
“Looking Good”

There was a magazine
In the University Women’s Room 
(A safe space for women)
That someone had defaced
By drawing hair on the models
Adding in eyebrow hairs
Underarm hairs
And sprouting pubic hairs 
And I thought it was shocking
That someone would do that 
Hair was Ugly. Inappropriate. 
Distressing. 

Let me say this
Because no one ever said it to me

In varying degrees of
Darkness, thickness, and density 
Women. Have. Hair. 
On our heads 
On our legs, on our arms
On our hands
On our knuckles 
On our feet 
On our bellies 
On our lower backs
On our nipples
On our pubic bone
In our underarms
On our upper lips 
Sometimes even from the chin
And cheeks. 
Women. Have. Hair. 
It is not ugly.
It is convention, history, and the desire to control women’s bodies
And what happens in them and on them
That states that hair on women, in particular places, is ugly. 

Hairiness does not make you less attractive
Hairiness does not make you a failure at life
Hairiness does not denote how feminine or masculine you are
It exists.
And it is a Woman’s. Personal. Choice. 
Whether she wants to get rid of it or not. 
Stubble on her legs 
Does not make her manly. 
Hair on her upper lip
Does not make her ugly, unfeminine, or unworthy

If your judgements on a human being
Go no further than the presence of hair
I ask you to please
Re-assess. 
The world is full of far more important things
Worth pulling your hair out for 

The end. 

For an amazing story about dealing with hair, go here. 
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the legal immigration system

When they say 
The immigration system
Is broken
It needs fixing 
I can tell you
First hand
It is a red hot 
Stinking mess 
Of hell

Like having the privilege 
Of being with my love
Took eleven months
A few thousand dollars 
Endless reams of paper 
That repeated the
Same information
Over and over and 
Over again 
Name. Age. D.O.B. His Name. Age. D.O.B. 
Parent’s names. Parent’s birthdays. Parent’s place of birth. 
Copies of birth certificates, police certificates, medical certificates. 
Every address I have lived at since I was sixteen 
(I am currently residing in my 24th abode in 30 years. I hate that question.) 

And once the system
Decided
In 2013
To make everything virtual 
We had to re-submit
Every single form
From scratch. 

At one point,
There were six different numbers 
Assigned to my case 
Now I am a code. 
I am never asked for my name
Only my number 
Because I am not 
Luisa Lyons, Australian/Spanish citizen 
I am a ten digit code with an 
Alphabetized prefix. 

And once I got to the USA
And arrived at the border
The immigration official
Had to go through every piece of paper
In my packet
Stamp it
And determine it was ok for me to go through

Once we were married
More paperwork
The same information
Over and over and 
Over again 
Name. Age. D.O.B. His Name. Age. D.O.B. 
Parent’s names. Parent’s birthdays. Parent’s place of birth. 
Copies of birth certificates, police certificates, medical certificates
Certified marriage certificate
Every address I have lived at since I was sixteen 
Everything must be submitted in hard copy, most forms are filled in by hand

This is to “Adjust Immigrant Status” 
And apply for “Employment Authorization” 
More exorbitant fees
That ensure
You will never be able to speak to a human
Months of waiting 
And zero communication
With the department

The system is broken 
Because between us
My husband and I 
Hold four university degrees
But my husband has to work his butt off 
To keep us afloat 
Because I’m not allowed to work
Either to contribute to the economy 
Or to our household 

I’m grateful I speak English
I’m proactive 
I volunteer at a local bookshop
Am volunteering with a local theatre company 
Writing my one-woman show 
But 
In a society whose primary currency is 
Cash 
I cannot thrive

I hate not being independent
I hate having to ask for financial help 
When we have worked so damn hard. 
I hate living in a system 
That is so crushed by bureaucracy 
And fear 
That it is not able to function 

The system is broken
And it’s breaking me down 
Every time I have to call the 
“Helpline” 
To ask 
Why haven’t we heard anything?

I’m tired of being a number 
And waiting

The end. 
Published on

image from USA Today

Idina performed
Let It Go
Along with Jimmy Fallon and
The Roots 
A completely different setting 
To the Oscars

Surrounded by musicians
Relaxed
Casual 
Playing classroom instruments
Everyone clearly
Having a total blast 

For whatever reason
The instruments they're playing?
Vocal exhaustion?
(The woman has flown across country
Twice in as many days
Performed at an intensely hyped 
Awards ceremony,
Her collaborators won a bunch of 
Said awards
And she's in tech rehearsals
For a new Broadway show
That's gotta take some sort of toll) 
The arrangement is down
A semitone from the original
And what a difference
A semitone makes! 

Without the microphones
Flying cameras or 
Hollywood elite 
Staring up at her
You can hear the full power of 
Idina's voice
The. Woman. Can. Belt. 
And oh god, it's 
Thrilling

The money note
It's just a D
Idina's got this 
Let the storm rage OOOOOOON.
YES!

Nailed it.

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