Last week I had the pleasure of performing in a budding New York institution, the Cranky Cabaret. The night featured a wonderful collection of angry, snippy, and just plain bitchy "Songs of Vexation and Discord."

I performed "N.Y.C" from Annie, re-written to be about cancer, and "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid, re-written to be about an usher who wants to be an actor.

​I hope you enjoy the clips! 

Big thanks to everyone who came out to support me, pianist Dave Koenig, and producers Jessica Morris and Kris Holz! ​

Before I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, I was a running, non-smoking, rarely drinking, meditating, vegetarian. How and why the hell did I get blood cancer?

The following is a list of reasons told, or sent, to me by a wide range of people (none of them doctors) during my illness: ​

I got cancer because of: ​

• Genetics
• My DNA
• The need to heal the pain of my ancestors
• The need to release old energy
• The need to shift my energy in moving to the United States
• Karma
• ​God's plan
  
• The fact that I “deserved it”
• Holding a deep hurt
• Holding deep-seated resentment
• Carrying hatred
• Being born premature
• Suppressed issues from my childhood
• Dealing with issues from my childhood
• There being too much yeast in my system
• Being a vegetarian
• Being too skinny
• Drinking milk/eating cheese/eating food
• Not drinking milk/eating cheese/eating food
• Eating food from the place that had the sign about carcinogens six years before
• Too much exercise
• Not enough exercise
• Chemtrails
• City air
• My school being under a power line
• Living next to a highway
• Running along a highway as a teenager
• Potential cancer clusters in my high school
• Potential cancer clusters at my university
• ​Too much plane travel
• Too much stress
• Bad luck ​

According to Sloan Kettering, 

"Risk factors" for AML include exposure to high doses of radiation or benzene, smoking, previous radiation or chemotherapy (yup, the cure that saved my life could also one day kill me. Fun!), and a family history (parent, child, or sibling. Most people who are diagnosed with AML do not have a direct relative with the disease). 

I haven't been exposed to high doses of radiation or benzene, I was never a smoker, and I don't have a direct family member who has had AML. 

Here’s the real reason I got cancer:
​

​This is why we need to fund further research into understanding, and treating, leukemia. 

I’m not magical or special. I was really lucky. I was in the right place at the right time for a shitty thing to happen to my body. I had access to one of the best cancer hospitals on the planet.

I'm incredibly fortunate to be in remission, and strong enough to be able to run a marathon. But fear of relapse is very real. According to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, only 26.8% of AML patients survive five years beyond diagnosis. 

Medicine, science, and the hard work of many dedicated doctors saved my life when I got cancer. We still don’t know why I got it in the first place. Or if I will be one of the people who survives beyond five years. 

​There’s still time to donate to Fred’s Team before I run the NYC Marathon on November 5. The funds we raise will go towards furthering leukemia research at Sloan Kettering. 

If you’ve been inspired by my runs, if you want to help kick stupid​ cancer’s butt, if you want to know why a healthy 29-year-old woman was diagnosed with a disease that usually affects men in their sixties, please make a donation today. Even small contributions can make a big difference! 

Will you help me make cancer history?

This post was supposed to go live on Friday, but a glitch meant it didn't publish. And then I got a message from my BMT doctor that my white blood cell count was a little high and I needed to have my blood work done again.

Cue epic relapse anxiety, imagining my imminent demise and wondering how long it would take to sort through all my (now) redundant stuff.

I did a bunch of cooking. I cleaned. I taught a lesson. I had the blood test. I went to work.

I was able to check the lab results online tonight, and the white blood cells are back in normal range. Phew! Imminent demise by stupid cancer is held off for another day.

Here's the original post from Friday. Thanks for the reminder, body...

I have a confession to make. For all the posts I make about being a cancer survivor, in the past few months it has been easy to “forget” that I was ever very close to death thanks to blood cancer. Almost three years post-transplant, after a long and difficult slog, I finally feel like my old healthy self.

Today I had a check-up appointment with the Sloan Kettering Survivorship Team. Chemo and radiation, along with early menopause, have put me at risk of osteoporosis so bone health will continue to be a part of my annual physical. I had blood tests and vitals checked (everything is looking good), and a bone density scan.

Unlike bone marrow biopsies, bone density scans are painless, quick and easy procedures. Despite being physically pain free, the testing brings up a lot of feelings. Oh, right. I was really sick and now it will affect me for the rest of my life.

Even “quick and easy” hospital visits take several hours. They’re draining, and bring up a lot of uncomfortable and downright distressing memories.

Unlike three years ago, Aaron doesn’t need to practically carry me home afterwards. This morning I ran a half marathon! And tonight I’m going to work! I’m doing SO. MUCH. BETTER.

I continue to be incredibly grateful to my team at Sloan Kettering. They saved my life, and continue to ensure I stay healthy. It feels so good to be giving back by running the NYC Marathon with Fred’s Team and raising money for leukemia research at Sloan Kettering.

Maybe one day the treatments for leukemia will not be so invasive and debilitating. Maybe one day the treatment will not put women into early menopause. Or put people at risk of secondary cancer. Perhaps we’ll be able to figure out what causes AML and prevent it all together.