- Published on
We are such stuff
As dreams are made on
I had the weirdest dream
I had finally moved to New York
But I was in Connecticut with
Two bug bites on my legs that had
Turned into huge infections
I was diagnosed with cancer
Acute Myeloid Leukemia
Patti LuPone sent me an email
They filled my body with chemo drugs and
All my hair fell out
My legs looked like something out of an alien movie
They stood me in a large room, strapped me to a frame
And radiated my entire body
They wiped out my immune system
Took some of my sister’s cells
And injected them into me
I wasn’t allowed to go to the theatre
Wasn’t allowed to eat take out
All my energy was gone
I felt nauseous
I felt tired
I threw up
I felt depressed
I felt angry
I felt like giving up
Every week they tested my blood
They injected a needle into the back of my hip and drew out the marrow
Be a patient patient.
We never know what’s next
We could fall in love
We could meet our idols
We could get cancer
How do we exist on the precipice between joy and despair?
We live on a rock covered in water
Just so far from a flaming ball of gas
Surrounded by other rocks
That expands to infinity and…
The miracle is that after a several millennia
We still don’t really know what it’s all about
We have some theories
But we don’t really know
What is this dream?
Months passed
No more cancer
Remission
Healing slowly
And then it was a year later
I am living in New York
My hair is back, curly
My strength is returning
I don’t feel nauseous
I do often feel tired
I often feel depressed
I often feel angry
I still sometimes feel like giving up
I try to balance on the precipice between joy and despair
I am married to the most wonderful person
He is patient and kind and loving
And through him I have a wonderful, patient, kind, and loving family
Day by day I’m feeling better
I am allowed to go to the theatre again
I met Patti LuPone in person
She told me to be well
Alright, Patti. If you say so…
This past twelve months
Has been a rollercoaster
It has been hell
It has bought me closer to my American family
It has made me stronger.
It has made me weaker.
It has made me
Different.
Thursday is the anniversary of being told I had cancer.
Yesterday I wore shorts in public for the first time since diagnosis
It was just too bloody hot
I’ve become proud of my scars
Those damn things saved my life
This whole dream
Is difficult to fathom
But such is the stuff of life
And while I am here
I will endeavor to remain
Awake.
I had finally moved to New York
But I was in Connecticut with
Two bug bites on my legs that had
Turned into huge infections
I was diagnosed with cancer
Acute Myeloid Leukemia
Patti LuPone sent me an email
They filled my body with chemo drugs and
All my hair fell out
My legs looked like something out of an alien movie
They stood me in a large room, strapped me to a frame
And radiated my entire body
They wiped out my immune system
Took some of my sister’s cells
And injected them into me
I wasn’t allowed to go to the theatre
Wasn’t allowed to eat take out
All my energy was gone
I felt nauseous
I felt tired
I threw up
I felt depressed
I felt angry
I felt like giving up
Every week they tested my blood
They injected a needle into the back of my hip and drew out the marrow
Be a patient patient.
We never know what’s next
We could fall in love
We could meet our idols
We could get cancer
How do we exist on the precipice between joy and despair?
We live on a rock covered in water
Just so far from a flaming ball of gas
Surrounded by other rocks
That expands to infinity and…
The miracle is that after a several millennia
We still don’t really know what it’s all about
We have some theories
But we don’t really know
What is this dream?
Months passed
No more cancer
Remission
Healing slowly
And then it was a year later
I am living in New York
My hair is back, curly
My strength is returning
I don’t feel nauseous
I do often feel tired
I often feel depressed
I often feel angry
I still sometimes feel like giving up
I try to balance on the precipice between joy and despair
I am married to the most wonderful person
He is patient and kind and loving
And through him I have a wonderful, patient, kind, and loving family
Day by day I’m feeling better
I am allowed to go to the theatre again
I met Patti LuPone in person
She told me to be well
Alright, Patti. If you say so…
This past twelve months
Has been a rollercoaster
It has been hell
It has bought me closer to my American family
It has made me stronger.
It has made me weaker.
It has made me
Different.
Thursday is the anniversary of being told I had cancer.
Yesterday I wore shorts in public for the first time since diagnosis
It was just too bloody hot
I’ve become proud of my scars
Those damn things saved my life
This whole dream
Is difficult to fathom
But such is the stuff of life
And while I am here
I will endeavor to remain
Awake.
2 Comments
So much more than like -- it's poetry that leaves me breathless
Thank you Roberta! Looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks!!! :)