How to hold all these disparate parts of myself
The self that wants to be a performer
And sing on the Broadway
And go to dance class
And take singing lessons and piano and flute lessons
And heck learn to play the fiddle
But who also wants to watch all the musicals
Live, filmed, and filmed live on stage
And do all the research
And learn about all the movie musicals in chronological order
Write a book about the history of filmed live musicals
Write a novel about human existence
Write plays and short stories
And also cosplay as a faery in the woods
And also run away to the woods
And grow vegetables and write poetry
And be in tune with nature
And live by the cycles of the sun and moon
But also be social and connect with all the wonderful humans
From Sydney and London and FoCo and New Milford and NYC
And also travel and discover new places
And eat amazing food
And swim in oceans and pools
And play in the snow
And see the aurora borealis
And run marathons
And do yoga on the beach
And go on a meditation retreat and see if I can be quiet for 10 whole days
And read amazing books
And be fluent in foreign languages
Spanish, Italian, Danish, French
And hold all this against the intense desire to just crawl under the duvet and binge Grey’s Anatomy or British Bake Off
And scroll through social media