The joy of time and space to cook
Roast chicken nestled in sweet potatoes
Red peppers, purple onion
Whole garlic gloves and beets

​A beautiful picnic
Overlooking the harbour
On a gorgeous Sydney summer day

A gorgeous dinner at Totti’s
A newer Sydney institution
On a drizzly Saturday night
Wood fired bread to go with with
Juicy red cherry tomatoes dressed with olive oil and basil
'Nduja (which, according to Martha Stewart dot com, is pronounced in-DOOJ-ya)
A spreadable smoky pork sausage
Prosciutto
Caramelized peppers
Barata and
Olives
The pasta and chicken and fish and crispy potatoes were also delicious
But I could’ve snacked on the antipasti
Per sempre!

The absolute luxury of an early shift 
Coming home via the store for essentials 
Yogurt, onions, garlic, ice cream 
And then having the time and space
To make chicken broth
That golden delicious balm for the soul
Whipping up a batch of basil pesto hummus
With homegrown basil leaves 
Having noodles for dinner 
And ice cream with tappy sauce for dessert 

Snow flurries danced outside
But inside was warm and cozy
With the oven at 350º
Roasting a chicken
And a pan of veg
Drizzled in olive oil
And dusted with flakes of
Rosemary and cilantro and
Salt and pepper
A balm for the soul. 

You had walked past the Korean tea shop
On Eighth Avenue
That sells all kinds of hot dogs
And an assortment of
Deep fried food on sticks
The potato and mozzarella
Particularly piqued your interest
Your friend thought it sounded revolting
So you hesitated, thought
Save it for another day

But tonight, it was freezing cold
And you were feeling
Frustrated by not being able to
Have all the things you wanted
So when you walked by
The Korean tea shop
That sells all of kinds of hot dogs
And an assortment of
Deep fried food on sticks
You thought
I will have the deep fried potato and mozarella
And because you are a grown up
And because you can’t always have the things you want
And because this was something easy and attainable
You bought that deep fried potato and mozarella on a stick
And it was absolutely
Fucking delicious

A festive mood at work
Being fed dinner
A delicious buffet of herb-encrusted vegetables and three different kinds of meat followed by flourless brownies and rich chocolate chip cookies
A rare treat
Singing to Shayla and wishing her a happy birthday
So much to celebrate

The luxury of time to write
The loveliness of chili on a chilly afternoon
The joy of laughing with friends
Ending the day with a giant bowl of popcorn
And a mug of hot chocolate

Abuela used to get this look on her face
When we devoured her infamous flan
Creamy soft caramel-ly goodness that you could never have just one helping of even though it was rich and you’d already consumed an entire meal beforehand
It was pride and joy
And almost smug
Literally no one else in the world can make Abuela’s flan like she did
And I’ve tried flan all over the world. None compare. How could they?

I begged her to teach me
And one day while I was at uni
We spent a day
Writing down her recipes
How much? I would ask
You know, enough
She would say
Decades of experience and practice
Her recipes from memory
Even the utensils were older than me

And now it has been eight years since she died
And I’m still nervous when I make the flan
It has to live up to hers
There is a lot of pressure
It has to be right

And this year
I didn’t have a proper flan tin
Or Abuela’s ancient pressure cooker
(We did briefly consider the insta-pot, next year!)
But we did have a heart-shaped cake tin
And I made the caramel
The magic of sugar becoming liquid gold
And stirred the condensed milk and the sugar and the eggs
And baked it in the oven
And slid a knife around the edge
And turned it out of the tin without a single crack
And it tasted like heaven
Creamy soft caramel-ly goodness that you can’t have just one helping of even though it is rich and you’d already consumed an entire meal beforehand

I took the left-overs to work
And watched my friends have a taste
And I understood that look
That pride and joy
Almost smug
And felt Abuela
Standing beside me.

Opening presents together
The warmth from sharing heart-made gifts
A fairy-filled wander, discovering
Velvet green moss and bright red berries and wood-textured mushrooms
Making Abuela’s flan in a heart shaped tin
The alchemy of sugar into caramel
Following Abuela’s recipe to the letter and hoping she’s watching over me so it turns out right
(Don’t over-stir the eggs, you don’t want them scrambled)
The feeling when you turn the flan out of the tin and it’s perfection
And memories of over two decades of Christmases
And Sunday lunches
And her smell
Come flooding back
The joy of sharing the taste of home
Teaching Vi how to make fairy bread
And then indulging in my favoite tradition
Chinese take out for dinner
The hand-written sign on the door
Christmas is open!!! Monday is open!!!
The restaurant where we picked up the food filled with white-haired Jews
Who also, in a way, feel like family
I miss the Rabinowii
Watching two movie musicals in one day!
(Spirited and Across the Universe)
And even though everything is different this year
Feeling embraced
Feeling warm
Feeling at home with another chosen family