- Published on
I'm reading
A history
Of women in power in England
Before Elizabeth I
The injustices these women faced!
Married off as political pawns at birth
Literally entering those marriages at 12
And being carted around Europe
And bearing the children
Of unfaithful
Selfish
Arrogant kings
Imagine being a 12thC princess
No thanks!
But if only
The trampling of women
Were "history"
Today I read
How the upcoming
Children's films
For 2013
Do nothing to promote
The visibility of women
On screen
Yesterday Upworthy published an article
Congratulating
Dove for using
"real women"
In its "real beauty" campaign
Yes, they
weren't anorexic
But where was their cellulite?
Or their stretch
marks?
Or body hair?
Or skin "blemishes"?
Just as photoshopped and
airbrushed as the
Derided Victoria's Secret bikini models
Visible but conformist
To the gaze
That requires
Perfect bodies
The answer?
Speak out!
Say it is wrong!
Point out where the trouble is
But
The Independent
Published an article
About how when women speak out
They are literally told to
Shut up
Today
If you are a powerful woman
You are a witch
A bitch
A liar
Criticized for not wearing makeup
For wearing too much makeup
For being visible at all
I'm sick of
People not treating
Other people
As people
Because of race gender beliefs
Whatever
I'm sick of living
In a culture
So
entrenched for
Centuries
That prizes women for
Their glorified looks
For their silence
I want to live in a world
Where people are people
The end.
In two weeks
Eve Ensler is calling
For people to
Rise
To stand up against
Inequality
And brutality
Towards women
I want to rise
To say
Whoever you are
Whether you identify as man woman or neither
Please can we just work together
To make life on this unstable planet more bearable
More fun
More beautiful
To ensure
Every person
Born to this planet
Has good food
And shelter
And access to music
And culture
And freedom of expression
And freedom to be
Themselves
Perfect
Just as they are
The end.
A history
Of women in power in England
Before Elizabeth I
The injustices these women faced!
Married off as political pawns at birth
Literally entering those marriages at 12
And being carted around Europe
And bearing the children
Of unfaithful
Selfish
Arrogant kings
Imagine being a 12thC princess
No thanks!
But if only
The trampling of women
Were "history"
Today I read
How the upcoming
Children's films
For 2013
Do nothing to promote
The visibility of women
On screen
Yesterday Upworthy published an article
Congratulating
Dove for using
"real women"
In its "real beauty" campaign
Yes, they
weren't anorexic
But where was their cellulite?
Or their stretch
marks?
Or body hair?
Or skin "blemishes"?
Just as photoshopped and
airbrushed as the
Derided Victoria's Secret bikini models
Visible but conformist
To the gaze
That requires
Perfect bodies
The answer?
Speak out!
Say it is wrong!
Point out where the trouble is
But
The Independent
Published an article
About how when women speak out
They are literally told to
Shut up
Today
If you are a powerful woman
You are a witch
A bitch
A liar
Criticized for not wearing makeup
For wearing too much makeup
For being visible at all
I'm sick of
People not treating
Other people
As people
Because of race gender beliefs
Whatever
I'm sick of living
In a culture
So
entrenched for
Centuries
That prizes women for
Their glorified looks
For their silence
I want to live in a world
Where people are people
The end.
In two weeks
Eve Ensler is calling
For people to
Rise
To stand up against
Inequality
And brutality
Towards women
I want to rise
To say
Whoever you are
Whether you identify as man woman or neither
Please can we just work together
To make life on this unstable planet more bearable
More fun
More beautiful
To ensure
Every person
Born to this planet
Has good food
And shelter
And access to music
And culture
And freedom of expression
And freedom to be
Themselves
Perfect
Just as they are
The end.
- Published on
We met.
We traveled the world together
We walked 780km across northern Spain together
He loved music and singing and played guitar and saxophone
He proposed twice in two different countries, the second time in front of my family with the ring we had designed together
Dreams of a house in the 'burbs
And a life of stability
Together.
And then one night
He called
And literally over the phone
Said it was over.
The end.
No explanation, no chance for discussion. Please collect your things,
Goodbye.
And by coincidence
Or fate or providence
Or sheer good fortune
Two days later I started a meditation course
In the introductions
I could barely even say my own name
Literally burst into tears
And sobbed out my story
Witness the breath
You are not your emotions
It is okay to cry
Every week
A new practise
A daily commitment
To just be
I went to sleep every night with the ipod he had given me under my pillow
With Sarah Edelman meditations
You are safe
And you are well
And in the year that followed
I cried more than I ever had in my life
But, every day
Meditation
And all my teachers
Jon Kabat-Zin, Louise L. Hay,
Doreen Virtue, Anodea Judith, Eckart Tolle
Lorna and Judy and all the women and men in my class
Kept me sane
Breathe in, breathe out,
Be here, now
Without judgement
I started running again
Ran my first half-marathon
I decided to become an actor
And quit my day job
And within a couple of months
Had my first paid acting gig
And had been accepted to drama school in London
I got singing and dance lessons
I traveled on my own
I saw my idols performing
I moved overseas and dared to live the life I had always wanted
I learnt to stop hating myself (that in itself, the greatest milestone. Oh to look at younger me now and laugh at how she couldn't even look herself in the mirror, how she wished so much to be more, to be better, to be different, to be so not herself!)
It was harder than
I ever could have imagined
I'm not kidding when I say I cried and hurt and raged with grief
But the meditation, the running, the eating well,
The following my path
Because it was my own
Was freeing and liberating and self-affirming
And now
Three years later
The grief is still there
Though far more manageable
Life has changed
I have a new love
New adventures to look forward to
And a completely different perspective
I just have to breathe
And be present
And
This too shall pass
And all is well.
The end
We traveled the world together
We walked 780km across northern Spain together
He loved music and singing and played guitar and saxophone
He proposed twice in two different countries, the second time in front of my family with the ring we had designed together
Dreams of a house in the 'burbs
And a life of stability
Together.
And then one night
He called
And literally over the phone
Said it was over.
The end.
No explanation, no chance for discussion. Please collect your things,
Goodbye.
And by coincidence
Or fate or providence
Or sheer good fortune
Two days later I started a meditation course
In the introductions
I could barely even say my own name
Literally burst into tears
And sobbed out my story
Witness the breath
You are not your emotions
It is okay to cry
Every week
A new practise
A daily commitment
To just be
I went to sleep every night with the ipod he had given me under my pillow
With Sarah Edelman meditations
You are safe
And you are well
And in the year that followed
I cried more than I ever had in my life
But, every day
Meditation
And all my teachers
Jon Kabat-Zin, Louise L. Hay,
Doreen Virtue, Anodea Judith, Eckart Tolle
Lorna and Judy and all the women and men in my class
Kept me sane
Breathe in, breathe out,
Be here, now
Without judgement
I started running again
Ran my first half-marathon
I decided to become an actor
And quit my day job
And within a couple of months
Had my first paid acting gig
And had been accepted to drama school in London
I got singing and dance lessons
I traveled on my own
I saw my idols performing
I moved overseas and dared to live the life I had always wanted
I learnt to stop hating myself (that in itself, the greatest milestone. Oh to look at younger me now and laugh at how she couldn't even look herself in the mirror, how she wished so much to be more, to be better, to be different, to be so not herself!)
It was harder than
I ever could have imagined
I'm not kidding when I say I cried and hurt and raged with grief
But the meditation, the running, the eating well,
The following my path
Because it was my own
Was freeing and liberating and self-affirming
And now
Three years later
The grief is still there
Though far more manageable
Life has changed
I have a new love
New adventures to look forward to
And a completely different perspective
I just have to breathe
And be present
And
This too shall pass
And all is well.
The end
- Published on
(L) Abuelo and Abuela in Manila (R) My mum, with her siblings and cousins, aboard the Iberia, bound for Australia
The notion of writing down all that I knew about my family had been in my mind since coming to Australia... I did so with a particular audience in mind: my grand-daughters...
We are all part of a broad mosaic of many Spanish families that, since the Pacific War, have left the Philippines and today are now Canadian residents, or American, or Venezuelan, Argentinian, Chilean, the list is endless...
The couple that leaned against the ships's railings that chilly, drizzly April morning in 1963 as the "Iberia" sailed into Sydney Harbour, were thinking of their offspring when they set forth on their great migratory adventure. We believed then, and are more confident of it now, that generations yet unborn, our descendants, will join our children and grandchildren in thinking kindly of us for having put an end to the global wanderings of my branch of the family and settled in this blessed land, Australia."
Excerpt from My Family by Luis R. Esteban,
my wonderful Abuelo
my wonderful Abuelo
Forty-eight years ago you sailed into Sydney and leaned against the railing of the ship
Thinking of children who weren’t even born yet
All the children with you would one day be grown-ups and married with children of their own
Could you have imagined me, your granddaughter, named after you
Who when she went to Spain for the first time felt strangely at home
Despite the language barrier
Who longed her whole life to be European, to speak Spanish, who thrilled and delighted at finally getting a Spanish passport
How would you feel knowing your nieta is not an out and proud Australian
That I cringe at our accents and our inability to speak more than one language
That I find Australian culture frustrating
That I can’t stand that our national day of pride is a day commemorating a bloody battle thousands of miles away
That I cannot connect with Australian history because it is so contested
A few months ago I sailed into Sydney myself
I got up at 5am to watch the lights of Sydney Harbour come into view
And I thought of you leaning against the railing of the Iberia
Could you have imagined as you sailed past Nielsen Park or Point Piper or Taronga Zoo that these would be the sites of my childhood?
Strange to think that the Opera House wasn’t even finished yet
Could you have imagined me singing in the Opera House?! Or having my year 10 formal at the Zoo overlooking the giraffes looking out to the Harbour?
Could you have imagined that I would grow up among the eucalyptus and the smell of the Australian bush
And yet never feel at home in it
To feel frustrated every time someone asks “but don’t you feel so lucky?”
In two months, I’m leaving this place
To go to the land where your brothers live
And then to London to seek my own life and put down my own roots
Where I will be in forty-eight years time?
And what stories will have played out between my arrival at Heathrow and sitting down to reflect on it all?
Abuelo, forty-eight years ago you sailed to Sydney
To a land that for you was entirely sight unseen
No internet to do your research
No crystal ball to let you know that it was all going to be ok, that you were making the right decision
Our wanderings are not over yet
We are still shifting in time and space
But wherever we go, there we are
And we have our stories and our ancestors to guide the way
Thinking of children who weren’t even born yet
All the children with you would one day be grown-ups and married with children of their own
Could you have imagined me, your granddaughter, named after you
Who when she went to Spain for the first time felt strangely at home
Despite the language barrier
Who longed her whole life to be European, to speak Spanish, who thrilled and delighted at finally getting a Spanish passport
How would you feel knowing your nieta is not an out and proud Australian
That I cringe at our accents and our inability to speak more than one language
That I find Australian culture frustrating
That I can’t stand that our national day of pride is a day commemorating a bloody battle thousands of miles away
That I cannot connect with Australian history because it is so contested
A few months ago I sailed into Sydney myself
I got up at 5am to watch the lights of Sydney Harbour come into view
And I thought of you leaning against the railing of the Iberia
Could you have imagined as you sailed past Nielsen Park or Point Piper or Taronga Zoo that these would be the sites of my childhood?
Strange to think that the Opera House wasn’t even finished yet
Could you have imagined me singing in the Opera House?! Or having my year 10 formal at the Zoo overlooking the giraffes looking out to the Harbour?
Could you have imagined that I would grow up among the eucalyptus and the smell of the Australian bush
And yet never feel at home in it
To feel frustrated every time someone asks “but don’t you feel so lucky?”
In two months, I’m leaving this place
To go to the land where your brothers live
And then to London to seek my own life and put down my own roots
Where I will be in forty-eight years time?
And what stories will have played out between my arrival at Heathrow and sitting down to reflect on it all?
Abuelo, forty-eight years ago you sailed to Sydney
To a land that for you was entirely sight unseen
No internet to do your research
No crystal ball to let you know that it was all going to be ok, that you were making the right decision
Our wanderings are not over yet
We are still shifting in time and space
But wherever we go, there we are
And we have our stories and our ancestors to guide the way