- Published on
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
This is me standing in space
This is me embracing all twenty-seven years of me
This is me rejecting everything I know and starting again
But embracing everything I know and incorporating it into the starting again
Everything is important
Nothing is important
Everything matters
Nothing matters
In the words of Alanis
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m delirious
I’m stable
I’m happy
I’m emotional
I’m floating on the energy of you
This is me kissing your face
Your hands your lips your ribs your thigh
This is me holding you
This is me crawling into bed to be tangled in you
This is us lying in bed together
This is the sound of rain on leaves on trees on the world
This is us snuggled under the doona
This is us sharing who we have become today in this moment
There is no time no space
Only what we have constructed determined to be so
There is only this moment
How can we make promises beyond the moment when
this moment this breathing this now this second this “this” is all we have all we can be
The power of memory
The power of now
Eckhart speaks to us and we smile and quote movies
Heath and Julia and Joseph and Alison Janney
And it makes us smile
It makes us laugh
Makes our energy sparkle radiate pulsate on the same frequency
You said that
We were on the same frequency
And it made me tingle with delight
This is me falling in love with you
This is me feeling light and wonderful
This is me wanting to rush to rooftops
And tell everyone about you
This is me smiling
This is me writing
This is me not being able to find the words to express what I’m feeling
This is me laughing at myself for being like this
This is me being incredulous that it is at all possible
This is me giving thanks to the universe
To the powers that be
To spirit
To the unnamable thing
To you
To all the stuff of the last year and a half that has had to be lived
To experience
To life, to life, lachaim! To Tevye saying why is it so? I don’t know. Because. It is.
Because it must be so. Because the world is completely unknowable. And yet I know it. I can fathom it. Even if just a little bit. But that’s ok. It’s my little bit that I fathom.
And here I am fathoming and living and breathing and being frustrated and being delighted and being here on this earth. And my god, it has taken me so long to be okay with the fact that I’m even here! But HERE I AM AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
And then let go of that because that’s not important either.
Soothsaying for the ego.
All of it is great. All of it is nothing.
Love. Life. Joy. Bliss. Sadness. The world.
Here we are.
Here you are.
This is me.
This is us. This is the world. This is everything and nothing.
These are signifiers for the unnamable unquantifiable unimaginable energy of life of shifting of currents of time of space of the world of everything ever happening to be existence.
Once upon a time there was a big bang
And the world began
And the light was started
And a little while later you and I were lying on the grass (that had grown in the meantime)
And the lights from that beginning were shining down
The very glow of them
And in the moment I offered my thanks to the universe the spark the divine unnamable thing that is the energy of the world
I saw my first shooting star of the summer
And in a ring around the field where we were lying
Were dark clouds, even darker than the dark of the night
And they were flashing bright with lightning
Somehow that night
We were simultaneously star gazing and storm watching
And the air smelt sweet
And you tasted like peppermint
And there was a fizzle a spark of chemistry an exchange of energy a thrill of joy rush delight
And then we agreed to say goodbye
This is me breathing
This is me standing in space
This. Is.
The end.
- Published on
Imagine you are in a forest. You are on an elevated platform. And somehow you are protected from the mosquitos. And it is quiet and still. The occasional chirping of birds. It is like a meditation tape. The setting, the sounds, it is all what you envision when you are sitting in concrete and imagining yourself somewhere calm and lovely. The forest, like something you have dreamed about, wished about, seen represented so often, suddenly now your reality. It is even more gorgeous than you could have ever imagined. The way the sunlight filters through the trees, shimmers deliciously, all that green! It must be impossible! Yet there it is. The way sun is setting into the trees. It is like gold. It is like the trees are on fire. It is all you can do to run through the forest to catch it with your bare hands. The shimmering sparkling orb of light of it. But somewhere in the logical recesses of your mind, you are aware that running into the middle of an unknown forest at sunset is not safe. Is a crazy thing to do. So you sit and you stare at the shimmer and let your heart ache at the joy beauty splendor of it.
- Published on
Christmas has passed and it’s now the season for taking stock of the year. Some of this year has been awful. But you breathe into the pain, and you just keep breathing, and suddenly you find that you are surrounded by an absolute plethora of amazing food, music, family, friends, and theatre. And you come to the end of the year with the ability to say that much of it has been utterly wonderful. In no particular order, the beautiful, inspiring, exciting, and lovely things in my life this year have been...
- The Eveleigh Farmer’s Markets with my bestie Len
- Starting dance, singing, and flute lessons again
- Starting Flusical with Flick
- Starting the Movie Musical Project
- Learning to cook pasta, ice cream, polvoron, bread, pastry, and cheese from scratch
- Quitting the security of a full-time job to pursue theatre and it being utterly wonderful
- Getting paid to watch Jersey Boys several times a week
- Moving to Ashfield with beautiful housies
- Developing my personal meditation practise, obtaining my Meditation Facilitator’s Certificate, running morning meditations in Glebe
- Performing in The Pajama Game and meeting all the beautiful wonderful people at Strathfield Musical Society
- Singing with the Bling Band
- Running my first City to Surf
- Discovering MusicalTalk, Seth Rudetsky, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, and Superforest
- Knowing that I am surrounded by the most beautiful, talented, wonderful, supportive friends
- Knowing that I have incredibly beautiful, talented, wonderful, supportive families
- Working with amazing people
- Seeing Shoshana Bean, Donna McKechnie, Stephen Schwartz, and Liz Callaway perform in Sydney and Brisbane
- Being accepted into the London Central School of Speech and Drama Masters of Music Theatre program
- Published on
Four years ago I was not in a good place. A counsellor at uni asked if I would like to be part of a study at the Black Dog Institute on the benefits of mindfulness meditation in the treatment of depression. I went along to the study and for twelve weeks struggled with mindfulness meditation. I fell asleep in just about every session. I cursed myself for not even being able to sit for five minutes and still my mind. Then in the final week, something clicked. Meditation was not something I had to achieve. I could not fail at it. But neither could I succeed. I just had to be - without judgement. Just be in the present moment.
This year I am completing a Meditation Facilitator’s Certificate. I have learnt all sorts of techniques, from mindfulness to guided meditation, inner and outer focus meditations, meditation to music, chanting, chakra meditations and breath meditations. My own practice has deepened as a result of the course, and it has most definitely strengthened me as a person. I have learnt that meditation is simply paying attention. To your breath. To your body. To the present moment. It is wonderfully easy, yet it requires skill. It requires dedication and practise.
The power of breath. The inward push down of the in-breath. The outward flow of the out-breath. The power of paying attention to the present moment. The power of being kind to yourself. The power of mindfulness.
Tonight I have been working on an assignment for my course on meditation in schools. I am inspired in my own practise. I am excited about sharing my practise and passing on these skills to other people. I am immensely grateful for all that I have learnt since that first class four years ago. Life is sometimes hard. Life is sometimes joyous. But, in the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, wherever you go, there you are. And to be here with yourself in this moment, and be ok with that, is wonderful.
This year I am completing a Meditation Facilitator’s Certificate. I have learnt all sorts of techniques, from mindfulness to guided meditation, inner and outer focus meditations, meditation to music, chanting, chakra meditations and breath meditations. My own practice has deepened as a result of the course, and it has most definitely strengthened me as a person. I have learnt that meditation is simply paying attention. To your breath. To your body. To the present moment. It is wonderfully easy, yet it requires skill. It requires dedication and practise.
The power of breath. The inward push down of the in-breath. The outward flow of the out-breath. The power of paying attention to the present moment. The power of being kind to yourself. The power of mindfulness.
Tonight I have been working on an assignment for my course on meditation in schools. I am inspired in my own practise. I am excited about sharing my practise and passing on these skills to other people. I am immensely grateful for all that I have learnt since that first class four years ago. Life is sometimes hard. Life is sometimes joyous. But, in the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, wherever you go, there you are. And to be here with yourself in this moment, and be ok with that, is wonderful.