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The last week of July is
Rather significant in our household
Four years ago yesterday I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia
For the past four years
I have resented people who believed cancer was a blessing
It changed my life for the better!
It completely altered my outlook on life!
I’m a better person!
Cancer did not feel like a blessing to me
For the past four years, I have often felt robbed and angry
Cancer stole my health, my singing voice, my self-confidence, my libido
It gave me early onset menopause and the pre-cursor to osteoporosis
It made my thyroid stop functioning and my fingernails fall off one by one
It made my pre-existing anxiety and depression a million times worse
It set me back in achieving my goals and dreams of becoming a professional actor
When I step away from the anger
I can see that cancer has given me extraordinary gifts
I was in the right place at the right time for a terrible thing to happen
We were surrounded by an incredible community of people
I had access to one of the best cancer centers in the world
I have met all kinds of lovely wonderful people who have supported me, inspired me, lifted me up, and given me hope
All the incredible people at Memorial Sloan Kettering, my friends at CancerCare, my Immerman’s Angel Jodi, everyone at Fred’s Team
I wrote a one woman show
I ran a marathon
Although the cocktail of chemo infused with morphine made the first few weeks of treatment hazy
I remember kindness and patience and love
Jesse massaging my feet and bringing me all kinds of beverages to see what didn’t taste like poison
Brenda and her calming presence
Jarvis and UNSW friends recording stories for me to listen to
Nina and the paper cranes
Deb and Adrienne and Emma
Dozens of hand colored mandalas from camp
Letters and cards and emails and messages and financial support from all over the world
Anita enduring uncomfortable procedures to give me her stem cells
And through it all
Aaron has stayed by my side
Sleeping in a makeshift cot beside my hospital bed
Flushing my pick line when I had chemo at home
Holding my hand and patting my head through multiple bone marrow biopsies
Constantly telling me how much he loved me and treating me like I was the most beautiful wonderful person in the world even though I was a nauseous, fingernail-less, infuriated monster
He was, and is, kindness, patience, and love
This week is also our re-meeting anniversary
In the Connecticut woods
Surrounded by fireflies and a crackling sky
We saw each other
Him: Oh you’re back…
Me: Oh you’re back! Where’s Emily?
Him: We got a divorce… Where’s Kris?
Me: We never made it down the aisle.
I insisted I was not interested in a long distance or long term relationship.
This was strictly a summer fling.
I was moving to London and independent and free…
And seven years later we’re still together.
Been married for almost five.
Survived cancer for four.
My patient, kind, loving, and wonderful husband
To celebrate our anniversary, we saw the extraordinary Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Kindness and love and regard for human dignity in a world where there is little kindness and love and regard for human dignity
The concept of Tikkun Olam
To repair, to improve the world, to bring out the goodness
We walked by the river and ate Mexican overlooking Manhattan and
We walked home
Hand in hand.
Rather significant in our household
Four years ago yesterday I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia
For the past four years
I have resented people who believed cancer was a blessing
It changed my life for the better!
It completely altered my outlook on life!
I’m a better person!
Cancer did not feel like a blessing to me
For the past four years, I have often felt robbed and angry
Cancer stole my health, my singing voice, my self-confidence, my libido
It gave me early onset menopause and the pre-cursor to osteoporosis
It made my thyroid stop functioning and my fingernails fall off one by one
It made my pre-existing anxiety and depression a million times worse
It set me back in achieving my goals and dreams of becoming a professional actor
When I step away from the anger
I can see that cancer has given me extraordinary gifts
I was in the right place at the right time for a terrible thing to happen
We were surrounded by an incredible community of people
I had access to one of the best cancer centers in the world
I have met all kinds of lovely wonderful people who have supported me, inspired me, lifted me up, and given me hope
All the incredible people at Memorial Sloan Kettering, my friends at CancerCare, my Immerman’s Angel Jodi, everyone at Fred’s Team
I wrote a one woman show
I ran a marathon
Although the cocktail of chemo infused with morphine made the first few weeks of treatment hazy
I remember kindness and patience and love
Jesse massaging my feet and bringing me all kinds of beverages to see what didn’t taste like poison
Brenda and her calming presence
Jarvis and UNSW friends recording stories for me to listen to
Nina and the paper cranes
Deb and Adrienne and Emma
Dozens of hand colored mandalas from camp
Letters and cards and emails and messages and financial support from all over the world
Anita enduring uncomfortable procedures to give me her stem cells
And through it all
Aaron has stayed by my side
Sleeping in a makeshift cot beside my hospital bed
Flushing my pick line when I had chemo at home
Holding my hand and patting my head through multiple bone marrow biopsies
Constantly telling me how much he loved me and treating me like I was the most beautiful wonderful person in the world even though I was a nauseous, fingernail-less, infuriated monster
He was, and is, kindness, patience, and love
This week is also our re-meeting anniversary
In the Connecticut woods
Surrounded by fireflies and a crackling sky
We saw each other
Him: Oh you’re back…
Me: Oh you’re back! Where’s Emily?
Him: We got a divorce… Where’s Kris?
Me: We never made it down the aisle.
I insisted I was not interested in a long distance or long term relationship.
This was strictly a summer fling.
I was moving to London and independent and free…
And seven years later we’re still together.
Been married for almost five.
Survived cancer for four.
My patient, kind, loving, and wonderful husband
To celebrate our anniversary, we saw the extraordinary Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Kindness and love and regard for human dignity in a world where there is little kindness and love and regard for human dignity
The concept of Tikkun Olam
To repair, to improve the world, to bring out the goodness
We walked by the river and ate Mexican overlooking Manhattan and
We walked home
Hand in hand.
2 Comments
Luisa, this is beautiful. I really get a picture of what you’ve been through. And how much Aaron means to you. I’m forwarding this to Sandy. And we’ll see you on the 25th!
Thank you Naomi! Looking forward to seeing you!