- Published on
For over half your life
The Dream has been
To live in
New York City
Centre of the universe
Land of the Broadway musical
The most sung about
Danced in locale
On the face of the earth
Your childhood
Disney musical diet
Led you to believe that
You meet the prince
You fall in love, and,
Your dreams come true
But what if
Cinderella
Escapes her broom
Marries the prince
Moves into the castle, and
Gets cancer?
Because you have
Escaped your hometown
Fallen in love
Married your sweet prince
Moved to New York
And gotten cancer
And it changes everything.
You're finally living in the city of your dreams
Broadway is a subway ride away
But you can't ride the subway
Because your immune system is compromised
Because it was wiped out and replaced with stem cells from your sister
After you had three rounds of chemo
After you stood in a contraption,
Your arms tied in straps
Your waist cinched in a harness
Lest you collapse,
Fifty shades this ain't
Fifty shades of cancer treatment
Full body irradiation
That you can't feel, see, smell, or taste
But make you throw up your insides
And leave you feeling utterly, utterly drained and helpless
All that, after you were told
You. Have. Cancer.
Tell five years ago Me,
A year ago even,
Your dreams come true.
You live in New York
You marry a prince
(Truly, he's the most wonderful gentleman)
But you'll have to wait to
Really Enjoy It
No subways, no takeout,
No coffees in cafes in
Uptown, or downtown
Or even Brooklyn
No being in crowds
And definitely no Broadway.
We thought that
100 days post-transplant
I would have more freedom
So we waited out
Three months and a bit
A bone marrow biopsy
And two weeks more
To be told
My immune system is still weak
Crowds are dangerous
The subway is a seething cesspit of germs
All food needs to be cooked at home
Broadway will have to wait
A little longer
Life happens, as it does
And always will
Dreams do come true
Just in unexpected ways
With unexpected turns
You readjust and
Nurture the dream
Watch it on the shelf
And promise you'll take it down soon.
The Dream has been
To live in
New York City
Centre of the universe
Land of the Broadway musical
The most sung about
Danced in locale
On the face of the earth
Your childhood
Disney musical diet
Led you to believe that
You meet the prince
You fall in love, and,
Your dreams come true
But what if
Cinderella
Escapes her broom
Marries the prince
Moves into the castle, and
Gets cancer?
Because you have
Escaped your hometown
Fallen in love
Married your sweet prince
Moved to New York
And gotten cancer
And it changes everything.
You're finally living in the city of your dreams
Broadway is a subway ride away
But you can't ride the subway
Because your immune system is compromised
Because it was wiped out and replaced with stem cells from your sister
After you had three rounds of chemo
After you stood in a contraption,
Your arms tied in straps
Your waist cinched in a harness
Lest you collapse,
Fifty shades this ain't
Fifty shades of cancer treatment
Full body irradiation
That you can't feel, see, smell, or taste
But make you throw up your insides
And leave you feeling utterly, utterly drained and helpless
All that, after you were told
You. Have. Cancer.
Tell five years ago Me,
A year ago even,
Your dreams come true.
You live in New York
You marry a prince
(Truly, he's the most wonderful gentleman)
But you'll have to wait to
Really Enjoy It
No subways, no takeout,
No coffees in cafes in
Uptown, or downtown
Or even Brooklyn
No being in crowds
And definitely no Broadway.
We thought that
100 days post-transplant
I would have more freedom
So we waited out
Three months and a bit
A bone marrow biopsy
And two weeks more
To be told
My immune system is still weak
Crowds are dangerous
The subway is a seething cesspit of germs
All food needs to be cooked at home
Broadway will have to wait
A little longer
Life happens, as it does
And always will
Dreams do come true
Just in unexpected ways
With unexpected turns
You readjust and
Nurture the dream
Watch it on the shelf
And promise you'll take it down soon.
- Published on
Watching the movie musical
Of the musical
That has been in my life
Longer than five years
Memories of my interactions with the show
Flood back
Early uni days
In Sydney
When cast albums became accessible
And the internet made
Broadway
Not so far away
And I “discovered”
Jason Robert Brown and
The Last Five Years
Working on the student production
Lighting op with Len
Who became one of my dearest friends
The musty smell of Fig Tree Theatre
Watching the production at Sydney Uni
Directed by Benita, now at Columbia
Starring Blake, now in Blood Brothers
And Lexi, now an opera singer in Berlin
An early date with the boy
Who I thought would be husband
We were engaged in September 2009
And by February 2010
Five years ago
It was all over.
And then it all began.
I quit my day job
I started meditating
I saw JRB in concert
I auditioned for drama school
I moved to London
I fell in love
I walked across Spain
I moved to Colorado
I got married
We moved to New York
I got fucking cancer
I sat in my lounge room and watched
The Last Five Years movie musical
On demand. Because you can do that now.
Seeing New York flit across the screen
Your new home town
Soon you’ll join the line of girls
Belting as high as they can
And you’ve been through that break-up
You’ve felt that euphoria
Goodbye until tomorrow
And you just have to be patient
For the next ten minutes
And that score
The way it catches in your throat
Breaks your heart
And brings back all these memories of
The last five years.
Of the musical
That has been in my life
Longer than five years
Memories of my interactions with the show
Flood back
Early uni days
In Sydney
When cast albums became accessible
And the internet made
Broadway
Not so far away
And I “discovered”
Jason Robert Brown and
The Last Five Years
Working on the student production
Lighting op with Len
Who became one of my dearest friends
The musty smell of Fig Tree Theatre
Watching the production at Sydney Uni
Directed by Benita, now at Columbia
Starring Blake, now in Blood Brothers
And Lexi, now an opera singer in Berlin
An early date with the boy
Who I thought would be husband
We were engaged in September 2009
And by February 2010
Five years ago
It was all over.
And then it all began.
I quit my day job
I started meditating
I saw JRB in concert
I auditioned for drama school
I moved to London
I fell in love
I walked across Spain
I moved to Colorado
I got married
We moved to New York
I got fucking cancer
I sat in my lounge room and watched
The Last Five Years movie musical
On demand. Because you can do that now.
Seeing New York flit across the screen
Your new home town
Soon you’ll join the line of girls
Belting as high as they can
And you’ve been through that break-up
You’ve felt that euphoria
Goodbye until tomorrow
And you just have to be patient
For the next ten minutes
And that score
The way it catches in your throat
Breaks your heart
And brings back all these memories of
The last five years.