Staying up late to watch Waitress
Realizing the clock has ticked over past midnight
And you have inadvertently watched a musical about making pie
On Pi Day 

Driving out to Asbury Park 
Burgers and chips on an empty beach
On a warm late-winter day 
Seeing Sunday in the Park with George 
The color and light 
The way they used the dancers
Floating across the stage on pointe (on pointe! haha!) 
The way the colored dots gently rained down on the stage
And parasols 

The way the score has seeped into my bones 
And makes me weep every time 
Stop worrying it your vision
Is new
Let others make that decision -
They usually do
You keep moving on

Dinner and scrabble in Brooklyn 
Watching Fences by August Wilson 
Being in awe of the lead who stepped in at the last minute
​And who is almost completely off book 

A day full of theatre 
Sitting in darkened rooms and watching stories 
Of laughing and crying and being transported 

The delight of the unexpected.

To see a light
To feel comfort
To trust
To just let go
To breathe

Singing in the Choir! 
Singing glorious music 
In harmony with a hundred voices 
Should be prescribed as an anti-depressant 

I've been struggling of late
The chronic lack of sleep 
Thanks to the constant clanging pipes in my apartment 
Along with other Life Stressors 
Money, Relationships
The Ongoing Perilous State of the World
Even with morning pages and meditation 
And going running
And daily documentation of the luminessences and glimmers 
Has not prevented the sinking 

Before rehearsal 
A quick stroll through Riverside Park
A pocket of crocuses 
A magical ring of mossy mushrooms 
A herd of hippos in the playground 

And then singing Handel 
All those sixteenth notes 
Scaling up and down 
Mixed with unusual leaps  
And accidentals 
The joy of watching Ted 
The awe of watching our accompanist Paul 
(What can't he play?!) 
The demand of repetition
Each time, do it better 
Make it lighter 
Make it sing 

Happiness truly is... 

Today I am 39½-years-old 
Some of my cohort are anxious about 
The Big Four-Oh 
But I almost didn't see 30 
Every year post-cancer
Is a victory lap 
And today I ran 5km 
And got a couple of vaccine boosters
And went to work 
Hung out with some friends and
Came home and made pizza 

I'm not exactly where I hoped I'd be 
At this point 
On the Path of Life 
There is a lot of pain
In my heart
(and right now in my body, courtesy of the aforementioned vaccines) 
I didn't expect or want to be divorced 
My sweet puppy lives on the other side of the country 
My career is... frustrating 
I haven't slept properly in 2 months because of the goddamn pipes 
There are many complicated factors that are 
Making Things Hard 

But I'm thankful I get to be here at all 
When it's really hard 
And I'm crying from the hurt 
I try to return to the breathing 
The in, the pause, the out, the pause 
Repeat, repeat, repeat until... 
The absolute privilege of 
Being Here. 

To sit by the window
On a dreary wet day
With a hot chocolate
And your thoughts 
And a tea light candle 
​Glowing on the table

To hold a glimmer
In your hand
In your heart 
In your mind's eye 

I had an hour until I was meeting
My dear friend
So I walked down Sixth Avenue
From 48th to 3rd
Down past Bryant Park 
Through Herald Square where the bells were heralding the hour 
Past Michaels 
Past the turrets of the Jefferson Market Library 
Into the West Village 
How amazing that the city now
Holds so many memories
Remember being here
Sixteen years ago
And wishing it was where I was lived
How lovely to not need a map
To have Vietnamese in the Village after work
And a drink in an underground bar
To ride the uptown A
And smile at the elderly couple  
Sitting with their legs crossed toward each other 
Her glamorous hat
(Does anybody still wear a hat?!
She does, and well)
The matching gold rings that they've been wearing for fifty odd years
The way they were talking about Hamlet 
They got off the subway at 59th Street 
They probably bought their apartment for a song
Way back when in the Olden Days 
How amazing it is to call NYC home
​I hope I get to be old here, too. 

The uptown C
Wasn't running from 50th
And the entrance for the 1 
Was closed for maintenance 
And it was cold 
And windy 
And spitting rain 
But the forced change in direction
The altered commute 
Meant that I spotted a row of trees
Seemingly suspended in mid-air
Decked out in fairy lights
A magical slice of fairy forest
​In the middle of the urban jungle 

It’s a chilly, grey and dismal
Day in New York City
But you’re walking uptown in Harlem
With your dear friend
And you're singing 
The opening refrains of RENT
Together
Like no one is listening
And your heart feels big and bursting
And you don’t even feel the cold
And your 16-year-old self
Can’t quite believe
This is her life