- Published on
Anyone who knows me
Knows I love theatre
I love going to it
I love being in it
I love making it
I love the romance
Of sitting in a darkened theatre
The audience in a reverent hush
Taking in the magic occurring on the stage
It’s easy for me to sit still for a couple of hours
Actually, I don’t like sitting still for a couple of hours
I need an intermission
I like hour long acts
I like it when the whole show is one in 90 minutes or less, no intermission needed
But sometimes I question it
Is it ok for me to go to theatre
When people are sleeping on the streets
When children are in cages
When people of color are being beaten
When basic human rights are unfulfilled and
Purposefully denied
On Friday I saw
Into the Woods Sr
A pilot program to bring theatre to senior citizens
The cast were all over 70 something
And their joy of being of stage
Of singing Sondheim’s delicious music
Was infectious
How often do you see the Baker’s Wife in a wheelchair?
Or the narrator’s words spoken in Mandarin?
How often do you see older bodies on stage?
On Sunday afternoon
We had a “relaxed performance” of Frozen
Hosted by TDF for an audience comprised of
People diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder
Or other sensitivity issues
The house lights were left up a little
The sound levels were lowered
There were Comfort Zones with play mats, and toys
And a purple army of volunteers
Handing out squishy toys and squishy stars
And providing extra assistance where needed
Guests who needed to talk or vocalize or clap loudly
Could
We had been told that Frozen is
A particularly special show for the autism community
They relate to Elsa
The lyrics take on new meaning
What do I know about love?
Am I a monster?
Let it go.
The cast could see the audience and
Even at the end of an 8 show week
The performances were extra special
On the back this month’s Playbill is an ad for HIV research
"Dear HIV, We didn't give up."
At the end of the show a young man came up to me
He pointed at the advert
“Never give up!” he said
With a big cheesy grin
He shook my hand
And gave me a big hug
Regular audiences don’t do that
We’re carefully taught to not display our emotions
Our joy
What do I know about love?
On Sunday night
I saw What the Constitution Means to Me
Written and performed by Heidi Schreck
And joined by Mike Iveson and Rosedely Ciprian
Gut wrenching, powerful, and compelling story-telling
Prescient and adaptive to current events
I didn’t know the American constitution could be so exciting
So infuriating
The rights of people
Who are The People?
Who is given access to the words?
Who is given access to theatrical world I love so much?
“Accessible theatre” is not just cheaper tickets
Who is speaking on the stage?
Whose voices do we hear?
Whose bodies do we see?
Is every seat in the house available to every person?
Is there an alternative to the steps?
Does the armrest move out of the way?
Is the seat wide enough?
Is it supportive?
Is there enough leg room?
Is the toilet cubicle wide enough if someone needs assistance?
How long is the wait for the toilet?
Will a guest miss some of the show because they're waiting for the toilet?
Can you make noise?
Can you express your emotions?
Can you check in with the person next to you?
Can you clap or cheer or dance?
Can you yell at the stage?
Can you rage at what is going on?
Knows I love theatre
I love going to it
I love being in it
I love making it
I love the romance
Of sitting in a darkened theatre
The audience in a reverent hush
Taking in the magic occurring on the stage
It’s easy for me to sit still for a couple of hours
Actually, I don’t like sitting still for a couple of hours
I need an intermission
I like hour long acts
I like it when the whole show is one in 90 minutes or less, no intermission needed
But sometimes I question it
Is it ok for me to go to theatre
When people are sleeping on the streets
When children are in cages
When people of color are being beaten
When basic human rights are unfulfilled and
Purposefully denied
On Friday I saw
Into the Woods Sr
A pilot program to bring theatre to senior citizens
The cast were all over 70 something
And their joy of being of stage
Of singing Sondheim’s delicious music
Was infectious
How often do you see the Baker’s Wife in a wheelchair?
Or the narrator’s words spoken in Mandarin?
How often do you see older bodies on stage?
On Sunday afternoon
We had a “relaxed performance” of Frozen
Hosted by TDF for an audience comprised of
People diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder
Or other sensitivity issues
The house lights were left up a little
The sound levels were lowered
There were Comfort Zones with play mats, and toys
And a purple army of volunteers
Handing out squishy toys and squishy stars
And providing extra assistance where needed
Guests who needed to talk or vocalize or clap loudly
Could
We had been told that Frozen is
A particularly special show for the autism community
They relate to Elsa
The lyrics take on new meaning
What do I know about love?
Am I a monster?
Let it go.
The cast could see the audience and
Even at the end of an 8 show week
The performances were extra special
On the back this month’s Playbill is an ad for HIV research
"Dear HIV, We didn't give up."
At the end of the show a young man came up to me
He pointed at the advert
“Never give up!” he said
With a big cheesy grin
He shook my hand
And gave me a big hug
Regular audiences don’t do that
We’re carefully taught to not display our emotions
Our joy
What do I know about love?
On Sunday night
I saw What the Constitution Means to Me
Written and performed by Heidi Schreck
And joined by Mike Iveson and Rosedely Ciprian
Gut wrenching, powerful, and compelling story-telling
Prescient and adaptive to current events
I didn’t know the American constitution could be so exciting
So infuriating
The rights of people
Who are The People?
Who is given access to the words?
Who is given access to theatrical world I love so much?
“Accessible theatre” is not just cheaper tickets
Who is speaking on the stage?
Whose voices do we hear?
Whose bodies do we see?
Is every seat in the house available to every person?
Is there an alternative to the steps?
Does the armrest move out of the way?
Is the seat wide enough?
Is it supportive?
Is there enough leg room?
Is the toilet cubicle wide enough if someone needs assistance?
How long is the wait for the toilet?
Will a guest miss some of the show because they're waiting for the toilet?
Can you make noise?
Can you express your emotions?
Can you check in with the person next to you?
Can you clap or cheer or dance?
Can you yell at the stage?
Can you rage at what is going on?
- Published on
Dear Me on the Eve of the 2008 Tony Awards,
Tomorrow night you are going to watch the 2008 Tony Awards, in person, live at Radio City Hall! You are going to sit in the very back row in the highest rafter of that immense theatre and have this intense realization that Broadway is not a magical mystical place on the other side of the planet. It’s real. And it’s filled with the most extraordinary people.
You should go see In the Heights. I know you think it’s not your thing, but you will regret not seeing it. You’re going to use one of the songs to audition for drama school. But that’s later.
Forget about the boy sitting next to you. He’s going to smash your heart into a million thousand pieces.
A few days later you will see Tony Award winner Patti LuPone in Gypsy. You will write in your journal “PATTI LUPONE!” Underline, underline…! You won’t understand that reference yet. How could you? It hasn’t been written. Another life changing Broadway show. But again, that’s later.
In a few weeks you are going to go to summer camp. You will hate it at first. And then you’ll spend another eight summers there. You’re going to meet your future husband there. It’s going to take a couple of years for it all to fall in to place. When it does, it’s lightening fast and you won’t know what hit you.
In a couple of months you will walk the Camino for the first time. During the walk, you’ll realize that you want to do the acting thing professionally. You want to go to drama school. You want to sing and act and dance and trip the light fantastic.
You will. But it will take a bit of time. And some detours. And the aforementioned heart break.
I want to tell you that eleven years from now, you will be married to your very own New York Jew (well, technically he grew up in Virginia, but his family is from New York, so, close enough). You will be amazed, literally daily, by how patient, loving, and wonderful he is.
You get to meet Patti LuPone! She emails you and wishes you well when you have cancer. Yeh, sorry, you get cancer. It’s fucking awful. But you get better. So much better. You’re running your 5th marathon this year! YOU RUN MARATHONS NOW!
You also work in the theatre where Gypsy played. Can you believe it?! You will be working as an usher. I know, you want to be *on* the stage. Please try and be patient, we’re working on it. In the meantime you get to watch Caissie Levy belt her face off 8 times a week. You’ll first fall in love with her voice when you see Ghost in London. By the way, before you move to New York, you move to London to go to drama school for musical theatre. Oh, and before New York, you live in Fort Collins. Google it. You’re gonna love it.
So, Me 11 years ago. Tonight is your first night in New York City. That feeling you have that you are home is right. Eleven years from now, you’re actually not going to watch the Tonys for the first time in over a decade. You’re going to be rehearsing for a reading of a new musical. You’re singing! And playing your flute! The people are lovely.
You are tripping the light fantastic. It is hard and wonderful and everything and nothing like you thought it would be.
Something is stirring…
Breathe it in.
Sincerely,
Me.
Tomorrow night you are going to watch the 2008 Tony Awards, in person, live at Radio City Hall! You are going to sit in the very back row in the highest rafter of that immense theatre and have this intense realization that Broadway is not a magical mystical place on the other side of the planet. It’s real. And it’s filled with the most extraordinary people.
You should go see In the Heights. I know you think it’s not your thing, but you will regret not seeing it. You’re going to use one of the songs to audition for drama school. But that’s later.
Forget about the boy sitting next to you. He’s going to smash your heart into a million thousand pieces.
A few days later you will see Tony Award winner Patti LuPone in Gypsy. You will write in your journal “PATTI LUPONE!” Underline, underline…! You won’t understand that reference yet. How could you? It hasn’t been written. Another life changing Broadway show. But again, that’s later.
In a few weeks you are going to go to summer camp. You will hate it at first. And then you’ll spend another eight summers there. You’re going to meet your future husband there. It’s going to take a couple of years for it all to fall in to place. When it does, it’s lightening fast and you won’t know what hit you.
In a couple of months you will walk the Camino for the first time. During the walk, you’ll realize that you want to do the acting thing professionally. You want to go to drama school. You want to sing and act and dance and trip the light fantastic.
You will. But it will take a bit of time. And some detours. And the aforementioned heart break.
I want to tell you that eleven years from now, you will be married to your very own New York Jew (well, technically he grew up in Virginia, but his family is from New York, so, close enough). You will be amazed, literally daily, by how patient, loving, and wonderful he is.
You get to meet Patti LuPone! She emails you and wishes you well when you have cancer. Yeh, sorry, you get cancer. It’s fucking awful. But you get better. So much better. You’re running your 5th marathon this year! YOU RUN MARATHONS NOW!
You also work in the theatre where Gypsy played. Can you believe it?! You will be working as an usher. I know, you want to be *on* the stage. Please try and be patient, we’re working on it. In the meantime you get to watch Caissie Levy belt her face off 8 times a week. You’ll first fall in love with her voice when you see Ghost in London. By the way, before you move to New York, you move to London to go to drama school for musical theatre. Oh, and before New York, you live in Fort Collins. Google it. You’re gonna love it.
So, Me 11 years ago. Tonight is your first night in New York City. That feeling you have that you are home is right. Eleven years from now, you’re actually not going to watch the Tonys for the first time in over a decade. You’re going to be rehearsing for a reading of a new musical. You’re singing! And playing your flute! The people are lovely.
You are tripping the light fantastic. It is hard and wonderful and everything and nothing like you thought it would be.
Something is stirring…
Breathe it in.
Sincerely,
Me.
- Published on
I left Australia
8 years ago this week
To live on the other side of the world
If you flip an 8 on it’s side
It becomes the infinity symbol: ∞
Can it only have been 8 years?
It feels more like ∞
Or at least like a whole life time has passed
In the past 8 years
I got my Masters degree
I got married
I got cancer
I got better
I’ve run 3 marathons and 3 halfs
Worked at 4 different Broadway houses
Performed in different cities
Wrote and performed a one woman show
By coincidence I’ve lived in 8 different houses in that time
In 2 different countries
In 3 different American states
Around this time of year
I think of Abuelo
Standing on the deck of the P&O Iberia
Sailing into Sydney
And wondering what life would be like for his future nietos yet unborn
I think of Vivian
Who died tragically
When we were 15
I think of getting into the Olympics recording choir
And how it changed everything
I think about who I was when I left Australia
I thought it would be temporary
I wasn’t really sure what was next
My line went something like
“Live in London for 5 years. Live in New York for 5 years.
See what happens…”
Our knowledge of what is,
What could be,
Is infinitesimal
And now that we have reached ∞
What is beyond?
8 years ago this week
To live on the other side of the world
If you flip an 8 on it’s side
It becomes the infinity symbol: ∞
Can it only have been 8 years?
It feels more like ∞
Or at least like a whole life time has passed
In the past 8 years
I got my Masters degree
I got married
I got cancer
I got better
I’ve run 3 marathons and 3 halfs
Worked at 4 different Broadway houses
Performed in different cities
Wrote and performed a one woman show
By coincidence I’ve lived in 8 different houses in that time
In 2 different countries
In 3 different American states
Around this time of year
I think of Abuelo
Standing on the deck of the P&O Iberia
Sailing into Sydney
And wondering what life would be like for his future nietos yet unborn
I think of Vivian
Who died tragically
When we were 15
I think of getting into the Olympics recording choir
And how it changed everything
I think about who I was when I left Australia
I thought it would be temporary
I wasn’t really sure what was next
My line went something like
“Live in London for 5 years. Live in New York for 5 years.
See what happens…”
Our knowledge of what is,
What could be,
Is infinitesimal
And now that we have reached ∞
What is beyond?
- Published on
Imagine your whole life
You wanted to be in a musical in New York City
And one day
It is announced
That your chorus
Will be performing
Lady in the Dark
at City Center
You audition to be in the semi-chorus
Which is later called the chamber chorus
You get to go to extra rehearsals
And be moved around by Doug Varone
You watch his extraordinary dancers
In action
And remember how much you used to love to dance
Before fear and self-consciousness and demons took over
You sit in rehearsal
And marvel that
Tony Award winner Victoria Clark
Is right there in front of you
She sings “My Ship”
Not three feet away
And you want to melt in the loveliness that is her voice
You watch director Ted Sperling
And feel amazed
That after all those years of listening to
Titanic and Light in the Piazza and Floyd Collins and Anastasia
On repeat
You get to work with and
Learn from this extraordinary person
It's not just the big names you learn from
Julie Morgan, associate conductor, and her eye (ear?) for detail
Your fellow cast members
Especially the high school students
Remembering what it's like to go through this process for the first time
The joy of sharing rehearsals
The hours spent together
Rehearsals fly by all too quickly
One week will it ever be right
Then out of the hat it’s that big first night
The—
Actually, no overture in this musical
Straight into a scene
Your make-up is on
Your tiara is perched on your head and
You sit backstage in the dim blue gel light
A lady in the dark
Watching the hustle of all the people
Running costume pieces across to stage right
Placing prop popcorn boxes stage left
Stage hands and costume assistants and musicians and security guards
The actors are the last part
Or perhaps the audience is
There is a line in Michael Gow’s Away
“Fancy doing it night after night like in America. Plays go on for years there. London too."
Our play only ran for 3 days
A limited engagement
I wished it could’ve been longer
But in the moment
To stand on a stage and be
A part of creating gorgeous glorious music and
Tell stories
A dream.
You wanted to be in a musical in New York City
And one day
It is announced
That your chorus
Will be performing
Lady in the Dark
at City Center
You audition to be in the semi-chorus
Which is later called the chamber chorus
You get to go to extra rehearsals
And be moved around by Doug Varone
You watch his extraordinary dancers
In action
And remember how much you used to love to dance
Before fear and self-consciousness and demons took over
You sit in rehearsal
And marvel that
Tony Award winner Victoria Clark
Is right there in front of you
She sings “My Ship”
Not three feet away
And you want to melt in the loveliness that is her voice
You watch director Ted Sperling
And feel amazed
That after all those years of listening to
Titanic and Light in the Piazza and Floyd Collins and Anastasia
On repeat
You get to work with and
Learn from this extraordinary person
It's not just the big names you learn from
Julie Morgan, associate conductor, and her eye (ear?) for detail
Your fellow cast members
Especially the high school students
Remembering what it's like to go through this process for the first time
The joy of sharing rehearsals
The hours spent together
Rehearsals fly by all too quickly
One week will it ever be right
Then out of the hat it’s that big first night
The—
Actually, no overture in this musical
Straight into a scene
Your make-up is on
Your tiara is perched on your head and
You sit backstage in the dim blue gel light
A lady in the dark
Watching the hustle of all the people
Running costume pieces across to stage right
Placing prop popcorn boxes stage left
Stage hands and costume assistants and musicians and security guards
The actors are the last part
Or perhaps the audience is
There is a line in Michael Gow’s Away
“Fancy doing it night after night like in America. Plays go on for years there. London too."
Our play only ran for 3 days
A limited engagement
I wished it could’ve been longer
But in the moment
To stand on a stage and be
A part of creating gorgeous glorious music and
Tell stories
A dream.
- Published on
At 29, I was a health-conscious organic eating vegetarian who exercised regularly and meditated. I was newly married, newly graduated from drama school, and excited to live and work in the city of my dreams, New York City.
Six weeks before my 30th birthday, I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, a disease that normally affects men in their sixties and has a survival rate beyond 5 years of around 25%.
I underwent 3 rounds of chemo and 11 doses of full body radiation, endured over a dozen bone marrow biopsies, and had a stem cell transplant with cells donated by my sister, Anita.
While life-saving, the treatment was painful and debilitating. I lost weight and gained weight. I went into early menopause. My fingernails fell off one by one. I spent long periods unable to walk due to fatigue and sores on my feet. I couldn’t eat take out, ride the subway, or go to the theatre. Depression, fatigue, and anxiety were a constant.
Whilst at Memorial Sloan Kettering for my stem cell transplant, I watched the 2014 NYC Marathon from my room in the isolation ward. I wondered if I would ever feel well, or even be up to running again. I could barely shuffle a lap of the transplant ward!
It took almost two years before I could run again. Then, in 2017, on the 3rd anniversary of my transplant, I ran the NYC Marathon, my first marathon. I ran it again in 2018.
This year I’ve set myself a big goal. I’m running 3 marathons — Queens, Rochester, and NYC. The NYC Marathon will be my 5th marathon, and it takes place on the 5th anniversary of my transplant. I’m running 5 for 5 baby!
I’m thrilled to be running with Fred’s Team and raising vital funds for leukemia research at Memorial Sloan Kettering. Will you join me in making cancer history? You can make a donation here.
I’ll be sharing my training and runs on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Make sure to follow along!
Please feel free to share this post, and use the hashtag #LuisaRuns5for5.
Thank you for your support!
Six weeks before my 30th birthday, I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, a disease that normally affects men in their sixties and has a survival rate beyond 5 years of around 25%.
I underwent 3 rounds of chemo and 11 doses of full body radiation, endured over a dozen bone marrow biopsies, and had a stem cell transplant with cells donated by my sister, Anita.
While life-saving, the treatment was painful and debilitating. I lost weight and gained weight. I went into early menopause. My fingernails fell off one by one. I spent long periods unable to walk due to fatigue and sores on my feet. I couldn’t eat take out, ride the subway, or go to the theatre. Depression, fatigue, and anxiety were a constant.
Whilst at Memorial Sloan Kettering for my stem cell transplant, I watched the 2014 NYC Marathon from my room in the isolation ward. I wondered if I would ever feel well, or even be up to running again. I could barely shuffle a lap of the transplant ward!
It took almost two years before I could run again. Then, in 2017, on the 3rd anniversary of my transplant, I ran the NYC Marathon, my first marathon. I ran it again in 2018.
This year I’ve set myself a big goal. I’m running 3 marathons — Queens, Rochester, and NYC. The NYC Marathon will be my 5th marathon, and it takes place on the 5th anniversary of my transplant. I’m running 5 for 5 baby!
I’m thrilled to be running with Fred’s Team and raising vital funds for leukemia research at Memorial Sloan Kettering. Will you join me in making cancer history? You can make a donation here.
I’ll be sharing my training and runs on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Make sure to follow along!
Please feel free to share this post, and use the hashtag #LuisaRuns5for5.
Thank you for your support!
- Published on
The delicious joy of seeing a well-crafted play
A world where language and literature
Rain and reign
Humans form new worlds
Out of rubble
Nothing more than bodies
Strips of fabric and wooden boxes
Splashes of light
Everyday objects are lobsters and caterpillars and creatures of the dark
Silky white rose petals fall from the sky
Are painted red by light
The musicians wet their lips and
Play
How art can rescue us in times of trouble
See us through
See through us
Worlds of make believe
Inside a concrete jungle
Full of trash and tourists
The glittering towers radiate supreme wealth
While fellow humans
Make beds of cardboard on the sidewalk
A world where language and literature
Rain and reign
Humans form new worlds
Out of rubble
Nothing more than bodies
Strips of fabric and wooden boxes
Splashes of light
Everyday objects are lobsters and caterpillars and creatures of the dark
Silky white rose petals fall from the sky
Are painted red by light
The musicians wet their lips and
Play
How art can rescue us in times of trouble
See us through
See through us
Worlds of make believe
Inside a concrete jungle
Full of trash and tourists
The glittering towers radiate supreme wealth
While fellow humans
Make beds of cardboard on the sidewalk
- Published on
We have learned to cheat the time
And find the hours
That the clocks cannot define
As I looked up from that stage
I felt the thing that had been made
And how it raged
And how it raged
How to explain?
Felix Riebl
On Monday
I spent the morning figuring out of I could step in last minute to a new play opening on Thursday
I desperately wanted to do it
But there was an overwhelming amount of text
Which was completely unfamiliar to me
Perhaps if I’d been sitting in on rehearsals beforehand
Or vaguely knew the show
I hated to turn it down
In the afternoon I had a delightful singing lesson
In the evening, I went to chorus rehearsal
On Tuesday
I recorded a song at The Growing Studio
Spent a glorious hour and a half in rehearsal for The Big C Cabaret
Collaborating, coming up with ideas
In the evening I ushered at Frozen, it was
Kids Night on Broadway
It’s so special to be a tiny part of people’s first theatre experience
Seeing their eyes light up when they walk into the house
Their joy at the end of the show
On Wednesday
I was a patient for the morning
Well, a pretend one
After years of actually being a patient
I’m now getting paid to be one
In a program training student doctors
I help to evaluate their communication skills
Develop their empathy
Give them practice in connecting
In the evening, another chorus rehearsal
The delight of realizing Mairi Dorman, cellist extraordinaire, was a part of the concert
The thrill of sitting in a room of professional musicians
Watching them work
They make it look so easy
But you know the thousands of unseen hours that have led to this
“Effortlessness”
On Thursday
Another day of being a patient
In the evening
The Cat Empire in concert at Brooklyn Steel
I haven’t seen them for 8 years
They were glorious
As they walked on stage I was overwhelmed with nostalgia
I’ve seen them live around 20 times
It bought back memories of first year uni
Of Flea, and Flick, and Anita, and Kensington
Of Vicky, and Len, and Richie, and Kris
Of London and Brick Lane and how
The music of this band now spans almost half my life
On Friday
We had dress rehearsal for the chorus concert
MasterVoices Presents Night Songs and Love Waltzes
It’s exciting to have it all come together
To be a part of Ted Sperling’s theatrical vision
To sing in a venue like Alice Tully Hall
In the evening we sang
Schubert and Schumann (Robert and Clara) and
Brahms and Sondheim and Mendelssohn and Gordon
It was thrilling to watch Anderson and Roe up close
Chemistry and musical mastery
It was lovely to go home with my love
On Saturday
I ushered at Frozen
Made my way to Williamsburg for Iron City
Spent the evening improvising for tourists
And running delightful games
On Sunday
Back to Iron City
For more improvisation
In the evening
Home to my love
To paraphrase The Cat Empire
An Aussie-Spaniard screams for more…
I spent the morning figuring out of I could step in last minute to a new play opening on Thursday
I desperately wanted to do it
But there was an overwhelming amount of text
Which was completely unfamiliar to me
Perhaps if I’d been sitting in on rehearsals beforehand
Or vaguely knew the show
I hated to turn it down
In the afternoon I had a delightful singing lesson
In the evening, I went to chorus rehearsal
On Tuesday
I recorded a song at The Growing Studio
Spent a glorious hour and a half in rehearsal for The Big C Cabaret
Collaborating, coming up with ideas
In the evening I ushered at Frozen, it was
Kids Night on Broadway
It’s so special to be a tiny part of people’s first theatre experience
Seeing their eyes light up when they walk into the house
Their joy at the end of the show
On Wednesday
I was a patient for the morning
Well, a pretend one
After years of actually being a patient
I’m now getting paid to be one
In a program training student doctors
I help to evaluate their communication skills
Develop their empathy
Give them practice in connecting
In the evening, another chorus rehearsal
The delight of realizing Mairi Dorman, cellist extraordinaire, was a part of the concert
The thrill of sitting in a room of professional musicians
Watching them work
They make it look so easy
But you know the thousands of unseen hours that have led to this
“Effortlessness”
On Thursday
Another day of being a patient
In the evening
The Cat Empire in concert at Brooklyn Steel
I haven’t seen them for 8 years
They were glorious
As they walked on stage I was overwhelmed with nostalgia
I’ve seen them live around 20 times
It bought back memories of first year uni
Of Flea, and Flick, and Anita, and Kensington
Of Vicky, and Len, and Richie, and Kris
Of London and Brick Lane and how
The music of this band now spans almost half my life
On Friday
We had dress rehearsal for the chorus concert
MasterVoices Presents Night Songs and Love Waltzes
It’s exciting to have it all come together
To be a part of Ted Sperling’s theatrical vision
To sing in a venue like Alice Tully Hall
In the evening we sang
Schubert and Schumann (Robert and Clara) and
Brahms and Sondheim and Mendelssohn and Gordon
It was thrilling to watch Anderson and Roe up close
Chemistry and musical mastery
It was lovely to go home with my love
On Saturday
I ushered at Frozen
Made my way to Williamsburg for Iron City
Spent the evening improvising for tourists
And running delightful games
On Sunday
Back to Iron City
For more improvisation
In the evening
Home to my love
To paraphrase The Cat Empire
An Aussie-Spaniard screams for more…
- Published on
It was a year of trying and a trying year.
In January
I performed The Big C Cabaret with Neil
Met with an agent
Got acting coaching
Went to BroadwayCon
Went running even when it was -6ºC
Spoke on Aaron’s podcast Embrace the Void
Saw Amy and the Orphans and Il Trovatore at the Met Opera and
Ran a total of 22.59km.
In February
I sang in a small ensemble for MasterVoices and
Took sight singing lessons
We delighted at Spongebob Squarepants the Musical and Farinelli and the King
I was astonished by Eve Ensler’s In the Body of the World
I was plagued by self doubt, anxiety, and depression
I was terrified I had breast cancer
I ran 35.71km,
In March
I performed in the MasterVoices “Our America” concert
Started rehearsals for a new show
Created a patreon account for Filmed Live Musicals
Saw Hello, Dolly! with Bernadette Peters, Children of a Lesser God, and the gorgeous
My Fair Lady at Lincoln Center
I was told by my primary care provider to take an iron tablet when I scared I was relapsing
Ran 51.60km.
In April
I worked my first Broadway opening, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and got to go to the best after party I’ve ever been to
I read for an MFA directing class
Rehearsed for the new show and MasterVoices’ "Orphic Moments"
I visited the Paley Center
Did a few shifts at Frozen
Saw Romeo et Juliette at The Met
Attended two casting director workshops
Started doing scheduled tweets for Filmed Live Musicals
Ran 60.94km
Had anxiety.
In May
I did 2 casting director workshops
We went house hunting in New Jersey
I taught voice lessons and
Performed in "Orphic Moments" with MasterVoices at Alice Tully Hall
Survived a difficult theatre experience which was also my first paid acting job in New York
Saw Salty directed by Benita DeWitt
Ran the Brooklyn Half Marathon
Launched the Patreon for Filmed Live Musicals
Briefly attended the Central School of Speech and Drama New York reunion before running off to chorus rehearsal
Brunched with Fernando
Submitted self-tapes
Ran 44.71km.
In June
We moved to West New York, New Jersey
We had fun building IKEA furniture
Performed in "Naamah’s Ark" with MasterVoices
I spoke and sang at the MSK Survivorship event and
Looked after Aaron after he had surgery
Ran the Achilles 4 miler
Felt tired and overwhelmed
Felt inspired and excited
Went to 2 casting director workshops
Saw Bandstand at the cinema
Ran 31.42km.
In July
Went to 2 casting director/management workshops
Got a callback for a new musical, but didn’t get cast
Played piano
Moved to the St James
Saw Billy Joel at Madison Square Gardens, and
Bette Midler in Hello, Dolly! (again)
Went to my friend’s book launch and
Celebrated my 4th cancerversary
We had picnics by the river and
I ran 43.53km.
In August
I reveled in long runs
I started singing with Garfield
Performed The Big C Cabaret again
Saw the phenomenal Mairi Dorman-Phaneuf at Birdland with Erica
Got the worst tummy virus I’ve ever had
Saw Getting the Band Back Together and On a Clear Day You Can See Forever and
“In the Name of the Earth” at the Cathedral of St John the Divine
We played tourist in New York and did our best to escape the heat
We went to the Natural History Museum with Tamara and finally saw the whale
I saw Fiddler on the Roof in Yiddish and bawled my eyes out
I ran 66.63km.
In September
Aaron took my to my first Ren Faire and I discovered a not-so-hidden desire to be a fairy in the woods
I dealt with depression
Sang
Went to auditions
Performed at The Stonewall Inn
Auditioned for something I’d waited almost a year to audition for, and was told I was not at all what they wanted
Saw Head Over Heels and Straight White Men
Celebrated my birthday at the Call it Love concert reading with Chilina Kennedy Jen Colella
Went to Be More Chill with Aaron and Emma and felt old
Saw 12 Angry Men with Women on Broadway with my new running/theatre friend Jenni
Ran 123.4km.
In October
I went to a casting director workshop
Filmed a scene for an NYU film study class
Became a standardized patient for medical student training
Began work on The Camino Project
Went to auditions
Performed The Big C Cabaret as a fundraiser for Fred’s Team
Taught voice lessons
Began learning how to sing Handel
Saw The Hysteria of Dr Faustus
Listen…Can You Hear Me Now?
Plot Points in Our Sexual Development
King Kong, and
School Girls or the African Mean Girls Play and promised to support/read anything ever written by Jocelyn Bioh.
I dressed up as Day of the Dead Mary Poppins for the work Halloween party
I ran 54.09km
In November
I ran the NYC Marathon with Fred’s Team and raised $4770 for leukemia research at Memorial Sloan Kettering
I attended a manager workshop
I auditioned, finally got cast in something and had to turn it down
I worked on The Camino Project
I saw Everybody’s Talking About Jamie and The King and I at the cinema
I saw Bernhardt/Hamlet
Fireflies
James and the Giant Peach
Performed "Israel in Egypt" at Carnegie Hall with MasterVoices
Made the most delicious Thanksgiving fondue in a bread bowl with my love
And celebrated 5 years of marriage.
In December
I stopped by Tonya’s baby shower
Spent 3 glorious days immersed in a workshop for The Camino Project
Began training for the Queen’s Marathon
Saw Best Life starring Tamar Broadbent,
Yule Your Kingdom with Lesli Margherita
Ragtag Theatre’s Snow White
To Kill a Mockingbird and
Mary Poppins Returns
Went to auditions
I ran 39.57km
Spent Christmas in Richmond and
Finished the year watching Beetlejuice and A League of Their Own.
In between there were morning pages and thankfulness and meditation. Singing practice. Wanting to play piano and flute. Wanting more lessons. Submissions and auditions and callbacks. There was cooking in the Instant Pot and homemade ice cream and learning to make cashew milk. There were many hours spent in various branches of the New York Public Library, and Bryant Park.
We watched The Wire, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, Last Week Tonight, The Good Place, Bojack Horseman, Big Mouth, Jane the Virgin, and Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
I read Mary Poppins, Saplings, James and the Giant Peach, Dirt Witch, Specimen Days, Wolves and Honey, White Teeth, Time out, Maya, Outliers, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and The Solitaire Mystery.
I ran a total of 626.32km/381.1miles, give or take. I ran through Brooklyn and Prospect Park. I ran along the Hudson. I ran under bright blue skies, in pouring rain, and in the snow.
There was anxiety about doing enough, being enough
about looking after myself and
dealing with the US healthcare system
about the state of the world and Syria and and plastics
and not being social enough
about family
about how to spend my time
about purpose
about who I am
about being good and doing the right thing
There was resentment about having to work when there are a million things I’d rather be doing.
There was working on The Camino Project
and Filmed Live Musicals
and wanting to write about musicals and movie musicals and live theatre.
I finish 2018 with
the desire to read all the books
to create new work
respond to the world
take all the classes
explore
eat well
look after myself
be a good wife
run marathons
fundraise
grow my own food
be a good person in my community
keep trying.
The end. Until next year.
In January
I performed The Big C Cabaret with Neil
Met with an agent
Got acting coaching
Went to BroadwayCon
Went running even when it was -6ºC
Spoke on Aaron’s podcast Embrace the Void
Saw Amy and the Orphans and Il Trovatore at the Met Opera and
Ran a total of 22.59km.
In February
I sang in a small ensemble for MasterVoices and
Took sight singing lessons
We delighted at Spongebob Squarepants the Musical and Farinelli and the King
I was astonished by Eve Ensler’s In the Body of the World
I was plagued by self doubt, anxiety, and depression
I was terrified I had breast cancer
I ran 35.71km,
In March
I performed in the MasterVoices “Our America” concert
Started rehearsals for a new show
Created a patreon account for Filmed Live Musicals
Saw Hello, Dolly! with Bernadette Peters, Children of a Lesser God, and the gorgeous
My Fair Lady at Lincoln Center
I was told by my primary care provider to take an iron tablet when I scared I was relapsing
Ran 51.60km.
In April
I worked my first Broadway opening, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and got to go to the best after party I’ve ever been to
I read for an MFA directing class
Rehearsed for the new show and MasterVoices’ "Orphic Moments"
I visited the Paley Center
Did a few shifts at Frozen
Saw Romeo et Juliette at The Met
Attended two casting director workshops
Started doing scheduled tweets for Filmed Live Musicals
Ran 60.94km
Had anxiety.
In May
I did 2 casting director workshops
We went house hunting in New Jersey
I taught voice lessons and
Performed in "Orphic Moments" with MasterVoices at Alice Tully Hall
Survived a difficult theatre experience which was also my first paid acting job in New York
Saw Salty directed by Benita DeWitt
Ran the Brooklyn Half Marathon
Launched the Patreon for Filmed Live Musicals
Briefly attended the Central School of Speech and Drama New York reunion before running off to chorus rehearsal
Brunched with Fernando
Submitted self-tapes
Ran 44.71km.
In June
We moved to West New York, New Jersey
We had fun building IKEA furniture
Performed in "Naamah’s Ark" with MasterVoices
I spoke and sang at the MSK Survivorship event and
Looked after Aaron after he had surgery
Ran the Achilles 4 miler
Felt tired and overwhelmed
Felt inspired and excited
Went to 2 casting director workshops
Saw Bandstand at the cinema
Ran 31.42km.
In July
Went to 2 casting director/management workshops
Got a callback for a new musical, but didn’t get cast
Played piano
Moved to the St James
Saw Billy Joel at Madison Square Gardens, and
Bette Midler in Hello, Dolly! (again)
Went to my friend’s book launch and
Celebrated my 4th cancerversary
We had picnics by the river and
I ran 43.53km.
In August
I reveled in long runs
I started singing with Garfield
Performed The Big C Cabaret again
Saw the phenomenal Mairi Dorman-Phaneuf at Birdland with Erica
Got the worst tummy virus I’ve ever had
Saw Getting the Band Back Together and On a Clear Day You Can See Forever and
“In the Name of the Earth” at the Cathedral of St John the Divine
We played tourist in New York and did our best to escape the heat
We went to the Natural History Museum with Tamara and finally saw the whale
I saw Fiddler on the Roof in Yiddish and bawled my eyes out
I ran 66.63km.
In September
Aaron took my to my first Ren Faire and I discovered a not-so-hidden desire to be a fairy in the woods
I dealt with depression
Sang
Went to auditions
Performed at The Stonewall Inn
Auditioned for something I’d waited almost a year to audition for, and was told I was not at all what they wanted
Saw Head Over Heels and Straight White Men
Celebrated my birthday at the Call it Love concert reading with Chilina Kennedy Jen Colella
Went to Be More Chill with Aaron and Emma and felt old
Saw 12 Angry Men with Women on Broadway with my new running/theatre friend Jenni
Ran 123.4km.
In October
I went to a casting director workshop
Filmed a scene for an NYU film study class
Became a standardized patient for medical student training
Began work on The Camino Project
Went to auditions
Performed The Big C Cabaret as a fundraiser for Fred’s Team
Taught voice lessons
Began learning how to sing Handel
Saw The Hysteria of Dr Faustus
Listen…Can You Hear Me Now?
Plot Points in Our Sexual Development
King Kong, and
School Girls or the African Mean Girls Play and promised to support/read anything ever written by Jocelyn Bioh.
I dressed up as Day of the Dead Mary Poppins for the work Halloween party
I ran 54.09km
In November
I ran the NYC Marathon with Fred’s Team and raised $4770 for leukemia research at Memorial Sloan Kettering
I attended a manager workshop
I auditioned, finally got cast in something and had to turn it down
I worked on The Camino Project
I saw Everybody’s Talking About Jamie and The King and I at the cinema
I saw Bernhardt/Hamlet
Fireflies
James and the Giant Peach
Performed "Israel in Egypt" at Carnegie Hall with MasterVoices
Made the most delicious Thanksgiving fondue in a bread bowl with my love
And celebrated 5 years of marriage.
In December
I stopped by Tonya’s baby shower
Spent 3 glorious days immersed in a workshop for The Camino Project
Began training for the Queen’s Marathon
Saw Best Life starring Tamar Broadbent,
Yule Your Kingdom with Lesli Margherita
Ragtag Theatre’s Snow White
To Kill a Mockingbird and
Mary Poppins Returns
Went to auditions
I ran 39.57km
Spent Christmas in Richmond and
Finished the year watching Beetlejuice and A League of Their Own.
In between there were morning pages and thankfulness and meditation. Singing practice. Wanting to play piano and flute. Wanting more lessons. Submissions and auditions and callbacks. There was cooking in the Instant Pot and homemade ice cream and learning to make cashew milk. There were many hours spent in various branches of the New York Public Library, and Bryant Park.
We watched The Wire, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, Last Week Tonight, The Good Place, Bojack Horseman, Big Mouth, Jane the Virgin, and Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
I read Mary Poppins, Saplings, James and the Giant Peach, Dirt Witch, Specimen Days, Wolves and Honey, White Teeth, Time out, Maya, Outliers, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and The Solitaire Mystery.
I ran a total of 626.32km/381.1miles, give or take. I ran through Brooklyn and Prospect Park. I ran along the Hudson. I ran under bright blue skies, in pouring rain, and in the snow.
There was anxiety about doing enough, being enough
about looking after myself and
dealing with the US healthcare system
about the state of the world and Syria and and plastics
and not being social enough
about family
about how to spend my time
about purpose
about who I am
about being good and doing the right thing
There was resentment about having to work when there are a million things I’d rather be doing.
There was working on The Camino Project
and Filmed Live Musicals
and wanting to write about musicals and movie musicals and live theatre.
I finish 2018 with
the desire to read all the books
to create new work
respond to the world
take all the classes
explore
eat well
look after myself
be a good wife
run marathons
fundraise
grow my own food
be a good person in my community
keep trying.
The end. Until next year.
- Published on
I just saw The King and I at the cinema
The London production, filmed live
I bawled my eyes out for the last 20 minutes or so
What is it that moves me so much?
Is it Rodgers and Hammerstein’s glorious score?
The beautiful production values and the delight of watching a stunning ensemble move together with grace and power creating a world so far beyond your own?
Or is it the sublime Kelli O’Hara who it seems can do anything?
Or is it knowing that Ken Watanabe is also a leukemia survivor?
Is it knowing the unimaginable grief Ruthie Ann Miles has endured in the past year and that she can be there on that stage delivering a performance of such strength and emotional nuance
Is it the memory of watching the Lincoln Center production knowing abuela was dying?
The memories of sitting in her living room and watching it on VHS
She would have loved this production
Or is it that I’m at a crossroads
Choosing between passions
Research on the one hand
Acting on the other
I’ve tried this year to do both
And I’m burnt out
Feeling like I haven’t done either properly
And it feels like it is time to choose
Which direction to go in
That will make my heart and soul happy?
Etc etc etc
The London production, filmed live
I bawled my eyes out for the last 20 minutes or so
What is it that moves me so much?
Is it Rodgers and Hammerstein’s glorious score?
The beautiful production values and the delight of watching a stunning ensemble move together with grace and power creating a world so far beyond your own?
Or is it the sublime Kelli O’Hara who it seems can do anything?
Or is it knowing that Ken Watanabe is also a leukemia survivor?
Is it knowing the unimaginable grief Ruthie Ann Miles has endured in the past year and that she can be there on that stage delivering a performance of such strength and emotional nuance
Is it the memory of watching the Lincoln Center production knowing abuela was dying?
The memories of sitting in her living room and watching it on VHS
She would have loved this production
Or is it that I’m at a crossroads
Choosing between passions
Research on the one hand
Acting on the other
I’ve tried this year to do both
And I’m burnt out
Feeling like I haven’t done either properly
And it feels like it is time to choose
Which direction to go in
That will make my heart and soul happy?
Etc etc etc
- Published on
The last week of July is
Rather significant in our household
Four years ago yesterday I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia
For the past four years
I have resented people who believed cancer was a blessing
It changed my life for the better!
It completely altered my outlook on life!
I’m a better person!
Cancer did not feel like a blessing to me
For the past four years, I have often felt robbed and angry
Cancer stole my health, my singing voice, my self-confidence, my libido
It gave me early onset menopause and the pre-cursor to osteoporosis
It made my thyroid stop functioning and my fingernails fall off one by one
It made my pre-existing anxiety and depression a million times worse
It set me back in achieving my goals and dreams of becoming a professional actor
When I step away from the anger
I can see that cancer has given me extraordinary gifts
I was in the right place at the right time for a terrible thing to happen
We were surrounded by an incredible community of people
I had access to one of the best cancer centers in the world
I have met all kinds of lovely wonderful people who have supported me, inspired me, lifted me up, and given me hope
All the incredible people at Memorial Sloan Kettering, my friends at CancerCare, my Immerman’s Angel Jodi, everyone at Fred’s Team
I wrote a one woman show
I ran a marathon
Although the cocktail of chemo infused with morphine made the first few weeks of treatment hazy
I remember kindness and patience and love
Jesse massaging my feet and bringing me all kinds of beverages to see what didn’t taste like poison
Brenda and her calming presence
Jarvis and UNSW friends recording stories for me to listen to
Nina and the paper cranes
Deb and Adrienne and Emma
Dozens of hand colored mandalas from camp
Letters and cards and emails and messages and financial support from all over the world
Anita enduring uncomfortable procedures to give me her stem cells
And through it all
Aaron has stayed by my side
Sleeping in a makeshift cot beside my hospital bed
Flushing my pick line when I had chemo at home
Holding my hand and patting my head through multiple bone marrow biopsies
Constantly telling me how much he loved me and treating me like I was the most beautiful wonderful person in the world even though I was a nauseous, fingernail-less, infuriated monster
He was, and is, kindness, patience, and love
This week is also our re-meeting anniversary
In the Connecticut woods
Surrounded by fireflies and a crackling sky
We saw each other
Him: Oh you’re back…
Me: Oh you’re back! Where’s Emily?
Him: We got a divorce… Where’s Kris?
Me: We never made it down the aisle.
I insisted I was not interested in a long distance or long term relationship.
This was strictly a summer fling.
I was moving to London and independent and free…
And seven years later we’re still together.
Been married for almost five.
Survived cancer for four.
My patient, kind, loving, and wonderful husband
To celebrate our anniversary, we saw the extraordinary Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Kindness and love and regard for human dignity in a world where there is little kindness and love and regard for human dignity
The concept of Tikkun Olam
To repair, to improve the world, to bring out the goodness
We walked by the river and ate Mexican overlooking Manhattan and
We walked home
Hand in hand.
Rather significant in our household
Four years ago yesterday I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia
For the past four years
I have resented people who believed cancer was a blessing
It changed my life for the better!
It completely altered my outlook on life!
I’m a better person!
Cancer did not feel like a blessing to me
For the past four years, I have often felt robbed and angry
Cancer stole my health, my singing voice, my self-confidence, my libido
It gave me early onset menopause and the pre-cursor to osteoporosis
It made my thyroid stop functioning and my fingernails fall off one by one
It made my pre-existing anxiety and depression a million times worse
It set me back in achieving my goals and dreams of becoming a professional actor
When I step away from the anger
I can see that cancer has given me extraordinary gifts
I was in the right place at the right time for a terrible thing to happen
We were surrounded by an incredible community of people
I had access to one of the best cancer centers in the world
I have met all kinds of lovely wonderful people who have supported me, inspired me, lifted me up, and given me hope
All the incredible people at Memorial Sloan Kettering, my friends at CancerCare, my Immerman’s Angel Jodi, everyone at Fred’s Team
I wrote a one woman show
I ran a marathon
Although the cocktail of chemo infused with morphine made the first few weeks of treatment hazy
I remember kindness and patience and love
Jesse massaging my feet and bringing me all kinds of beverages to see what didn’t taste like poison
Brenda and her calming presence
Jarvis and UNSW friends recording stories for me to listen to
Nina and the paper cranes
Deb and Adrienne and Emma
Dozens of hand colored mandalas from camp
Letters and cards and emails and messages and financial support from all over the world
Anita enduring uncomfortable procedures to give me her stem cells
And through it all
Aaron has stayed by my side
Sleeping in a makeshift cot beside my hospital bed
Flushing my pick line when I had chemo at home
Holding my hand and patting my head through multiple bone marrow biopsies
Constantly telling me how much he loved me and treating me like I was the most beautiful wonderful person in the world even though I was a nauseous, fingernail-less, infuriated monster
He was, and is, kindness, patience, and love
This week is also our re-meeting anniversary
In the Connecticut woods
Surrounded by fireflies and a crackling sky
We saw each other
Him: Oh you’re back…
Me: Oh you’re back! Where’s Emily?
Him: We got a divorce… Where’s Kris?
Me: We never made it down the aisle.
I insisted I was not interested in a long distance or long term relationship.
This was strictly a summer fling.
I was moving to London and independent and free…
And seven years later we’re still together.
Been married for almost five.
Survived cancer for four.
My patient, kind, loving, and wonderful husband
To celebrate our anniversary, we saw the extraordinary Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Kindness and love and regard for human dignity in a world where there is little kindness and love and regard for human dignity
The concept of Tikkun Olam
To repair, to improve the world, to bring out the goodness
We walked by the river and ate Mexican overlooking Manhattan and
We walked home
Hand in hand.