I'll tell you what I want (what I really, really, want)
I want to learn classical piano
I want to be able to play all the instruments
I want to know all of music theory
I want to know all the music
I want to be able to hear music as I read it
I want to learn all the songs
I want to do tap and ballet and dance freely to live music
I want to run away to the woods and build my own cob cottage and grow my own vegetables
I want to write a novel
I want to write a screenplay
I want to watch all the movie musicals
I want to watch all the filmed live musicals
I want to see every show being staged in New York
I want to be in a Broadway show
I want to write my own Broadway show
I want to live in London again
I want to live in northern Spain and run an albergue and greet peregrinos with cups of tea
I want to live in the mountains
I want to never have to leave New York ever again 
I want to live in Denmark and truly understand hygge
I want to be fluent in Spanish, French, and Danish
I want to make art
I want to make theatre
I want to host salons à la the Marquise du Deffand and Gertrude Stein
I want to run my own theatre company 
I want to host a podcast about artists with illness 
I want to host delightful tea parties and picnics in the park 
I want to hike through all the forests
I want to share amazing meals with wonderful people
I want to run
I want to learn to draw and paint and be good at visual arts
I want to sit for hours on end in meditation
I want world peace
I want people to just be nice to each other
I want everyone to be able to live their best lives and reach their full potential
I want everyone to be happy
I want people to be accountable 
I want justice 
I want every child to go to school without fear of being ridiculed or teased or shot 
I want every person to be able to love who they want to love
I want every person to have a home 
I want to stop seeing trash everywhere
I want more cycle paths and pedestrianized streets 
I want to not be afraid of swimming in the ocean
I want to do astronomy
I want to be able to name the stars
I want to be a practical person
I want to be a creative person
I want to eat healthily
I want to indulge
I want more time
I want to not be afraid
I want to be the kind of person who is good at make-up and being fashionable
I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t care about make-up and being fashionable
I want to be really good at interior design
I want an amazing collection of records and a vintage record player 
I want to be free of my worldly possessions 
I want to be recognized for my skills
I want to not be terrified when I'm complimented 
I want to be a good partner
I want to be a good person
I want to leave a legacy
I want to know all the things
I want to be all the things
I want it all, and I want it now
Actually, I want it yesterday
Yes please and thank you very much. ​

A friend recently visited form the land of Oz
“Why do you want to live here?!” he asked.
On paper, it is rather hard to comprehend.
The lack of affordable healthcare
The proliferation of guns
The insane inane infuriating never-ending red tape of bureaucracy to achieve the simplest tasks
A government that seems hell bent on destroying its own people
It is an empire in decline

And that’s all before we throw in the notion of Becoming a Professional Actor in New York City When You Are Not Wealthy and Moved Here From a Whole Other Country and Did I Mention You Had Cancer and Dealing with The Starting All Over Again at 33 Despite The Fact You Have a Masters in Theatre My God This Is Hard

And yet, and yet…
How I love to be in the greatest city in the world
In class, a casting director said her job is
“The highest of highs
The lowest of lows”

Until it is my job to be in a Broadway show
It is my job to watch Broadway shows
(Technically it is my job to watch audiences watching Broadway shows
But I’ve gotten rather good at having my eyes in two places at once
Yes we can see your goddamn cellphone
Turn. It. Off.)
Sondheim was in the other day
The actual living breathing legendary genius was sitting on the other side of the room
I scanned the ticket of one of my musical idols
The people who created the music of my childhood walk the streets I walk
Those departed once worked in the theatres I work in
The other day I was in the orchestra of the St James and I thought
Rodgers and Hammerstein stood here and watched their music and lyrics come to life
Making peace with the fact that the shows I’m working for a raking in millions
While the staff have to work two jobs to pay their rent.

I am auditioning on a weekly basis
I got a callback for a Shakespeare
They said it would be movement based and, inspired by Meryl Tankard, it would be gestural and based in the everyday
Perfect
I got to the audition and was
Surrounded
By lithe, beautiful people.
One particularly tall and stunning human
Did full-out splits in heels as part of his warm-up
(It turned out he works professionally as a drag queen)
The first part of the audition was fun
The strange delight of walking around a room “in neutral”
Drama school exercise at its finest
The Art of Act-ing.
Then we had to learn a hiphop routine
Little Ms Whitey McWhite White with precisely minus zero seconds of hiphop training
Floundered but tried her best

When it’s good - shows! auditions! doing the thing! - it’s magical and shiny and glorious
When it’s hard - no shows! no auditions! you cannot do the thing - you wonder why anyone would want to live any where near this grimy, over-populated, subways disintegrating at the seams, rat infested, island

At night, the Empire State Building glitters and twinkles
In the streets below, the homeless make their beds on discarded boxes that once held designer handbags. ​

I first encountered Eve Ensler,
Well her work,
In my first week at university
A student production of
The Vagina Monologues.
It made me anxious.

Then whilst in London
I discovered V-Day and
Was inspired by the red-lipped dancing women
Joyous and proud

I read In The Body of the World
While walking the Camino
It was B.C., Before Cancer, but
I was still moved by Eve Ensler’s powerful, visceral writing

A year later
I was diagnosed with cancer

Now, A.C.
I found myself sitting in a theatre
With Eve Ensler herself
Speaking her words aloud
Telling her heart-breaking, gut wrenching, soul shaking story
In an extraordinary one woman show

Parts of it made me gasp
Parts of it made me nod in feverish agreement
Some parts I didn’t relate to at all
(I never wanted to be a mother
I have always loved trees
I loved being bald)

But Eve is captivating
She is who I want to be
Powerful, passionate
Emotive, articulate
A true artist connecting the dots
Between the personal and the professional
The self and the world.

The ending,
A total surprise
So beautiful and breathtaking

Eve invited us in
To walk in the garden of Ensler, and
I never wanted to leave.

I knew the Met Opera was beautiful
But in real life
It’s truly gorgeous
It actually took my breath away

The performance of opera is enchanting
The grandioseness of it 
Whole arias dedicated to expressing a single emotion 
How do they sing like that?
The history and the tradition and the skill of it

It reminded me of Abuela
She would have loved it
She took me to my first opera
Carmen at the Sydney Opera House
I was twelve or thirteen

Now I’m a grown-up and I live in New York
I gave my first solo performance last week
The thrill and adrenalin rush of it
I can’t wait to do it again
The next day, back to stuffing Playbills

Today, a matinee at the Met
Thanks to the kindness of a friend
The dress rehearsal of Il Trovatore
The scale of it all, overwhelming and incredible

The audience, mostly school kids
Made me re-see the story through teenage eyes
The characters aren’t much as role models
In this day and age
The gender politics disturbing
But the performances are astonishing

How lucky I am
To be here. ​

We rang in the New Year
Watching Singin’ In the Rain in Richmond
Aaron and I finally got our honeymoon
Thanks to the generosity of the Sloan Kettering Dream Team
Several blissful days in the gorgeous glorious Guana
Our friend Molly turned 21
I nerded out at BroadwayCon
Worked at Lincoln Center
Worked at the Lyric
Registered for the Brooklyn Half
Rehearsed with the Cecilia Chorus

In February
I kept singing at Cecilia rehearsals
Ran the Al Gordon 4mile race in Prospect Park
Worked at the Lyric and David Geffen Hall
Tried to get my vocal cords checked
Tried to get my eyes checked
Started auditioning again and
Saw Sunset Boulevard with Glenn Close

In March
We saw The Moors
I saw Hello, Dolly! with Bette Midler, Anastasia with Caroline O’Connor, and The Glass Menagerie with Sally Field.
I performed in Oedipus the King with the Cecilia Chorus
Did a networking night through ActorDash
Took a film acting class with Jason Chaet
Kept auditioning and
Started voice lessons again
Worked as an extra on VEEP and
Tried to find counseling that would accept my insurance,
Finally got new reading glasses

In April
We saw Come From Away, Groundhog Day, War Paint (sans Patti, with Christine), The Price, and Natasha, Pierre, and the Comet of 1812 (with Josh Groban)
I finally started seeing a counselor
Tried to find a voice therapist
Ran the UAE Healthy Kidney 10km and the Run as One 4-miler

In May
I went to another networking night with ActorDash
Performed in A Garden Among the Flames with the Cecilia Chorus at Carnegie Hall
Volunteered at the Japan Run in Central Park and handed out hundreds of cups of water
Worked at the St. James Theatre
Saw War Paint again, this time with Patti and Christine, and my friend Danni be incredible in the The Cagebirds.
I ran the Brooklyn Half Marathon and was surprised I wasn’t dead.
Visited Rachel and Justin in Boston
And once again had visions of moving to the woods of Maine
I taught a class at Baruch and
Started working at the Stephen Sondheim
I fell madly in love with Beautiful and
Told my doctor I had signed up for the NYC Marathon

In the summer
We said goodbye to G'Pa
"Attending" his funeral via skype was surreal and painful and sad. 
I ran the NYRR Retro 5-miler, the New York Mini 10km and the New Milford 8
I watched the Ernest Shakleton Loves Me Livestream and the Tony Awards
I saw Marvin’s Room and
Did my first Broadway audition
I worked as an extra on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, wearing wool in Washington Square Park on a 90 degree day

We shaved off all my hair on Facebook Live and
Went nervously back to camp
I played in a flute quartet, sang for the first time in public since Stupid Cancer
Conducted Tommy and The Wizard of Oz and taught voice lessons galore
We went camping in the woods
I had visions of abandoning my life to become a park ranger live among the pine trees.
At home, I did the Audition Rep Matchmaker course on auditioning
I went to my first casting director workshop with Alexis Atkinson

In September
We saw Brian be delightful in Addy and Uno and
Marc be astonishing in The Climbers
I participated in a reading of Al Monaco’s The Tesseract
I performed in the Cranky Cabaret and
Ran the Bronx 10 miler
I renewed my Australian passport
And joined the MasterVoices chorus
I did a musical theatre workshop with music director Carmel Dean

In October
I ran the Staten Island Half in the pouring rain
Saw Hungry Like the Wolk, Game of Thrones the Parody Musical, and Where Angels Fear to Tread
I did three more casting director workshops — Brette Goldstein, Freya Krasnow, and Allison Kirschner.
I did an agent’s night
I flew across the country and hung out with my little little sister in La La Land
I meditated in a beautiful garden and ran beside the Pacific Ocean
Saw Bright Star again
Back on the east coast, we celebrated our friends’ wedding and
The next day were told we were not invited back to camp.

In November
I sang in Of Thee I Sing at Carnegie Hall and
Ran the NYC Marathon with Fred’s Team and raised over $7500 for leukemia research at Sloan Kettering
We celebrated Jesse’s 60th with the Museum of the Moving Image and amazing Greek food
I saw a reading of Hatef**** at the Women’s Project, Once on This Island, and the National Theatre’s live broadcast of Follies
I did a workshop with Broadway director Marc Bruni
Aaron and I celebrated four years of marriage
With a visit to the Museum of Sex and dinner at Purple Yam
I ran the Turkey Trot 5 miler in Prospect Park and
At last received my permanent resident card

In December
I was published the on Audition Rep Matchmaker blog and
Finally launched Filmed Live Musicals
I performed in The Nightmare Before Christmas Concert at the Barclay Center
And despite being sick, had the most fun performing I’ve had in a long time
I went to the Barbara Cook Tribute at Lincoln Center
I saw The Band’s Visit, Avenue Q, and Lesli Margherita in Who’s Holiday
We saw the Christmas lights in Dyker Heights and had Chinese delivered in.

This year I ran over 800km/500 miles
Coincidentally, the approximate distance of the Camino de Santiago
I ran in Prospect Park and through the streets of Brooklyn
I ran along the Atlantic and Pacific oceans
I ran through the woods of Maine and Connecticut
I ran my first goddamn marathon and it was glorious

I got my singing voice back and wrote a cabaret
Worked at Paramour, Beautiful, Present Laughter, and the New York Philharmonic
Auditioned for plays and musicals and short films and indie projects

I had debilitating depression and anxiety
There were days when I could barely get out of bed
And when I did, I would break down at the front door

I read Born to Run, Jim Henson: The Biography, and Radical Remission,
Gloria Steinem, Heather Lyn Mann, Ali Smith, A.S. Byatt and a total of
Twenty-six plays — including Starting Monday by Anne Commire
It had me so engrossed I caught the wrong train and ended up halfway to JFK.

In between all the things
We spent countless hours dealing with health insurance
I sat quietly as I could in our room while Aaron recorded his excellent podcast
Embrace the Void
We watched Bojack Horseman, Broad City, Jane the Virgin, Master of None, Mozart in the Jungle, Santa Clarita Diet, The Crown, and The Good Wife.
We shopped at the Cortelyou Road farmers’ market every Sunday morning and 
Made bread, hummus, chilli, and dumplings

I wondered why I was doing what I’m doing
Working for low pay and pursuing a career 
Thousands upon thousands want
But only a few get

In the last moments of the year,
A patron at the theatre asked me
“How do you stay so happy doing this every day?”
And without thinking I said
“Because I love it.”

Sometimes it is hard and depressing and crushing
But when you get to do the thing,
The singing and telling stories and being around people, 
It’s all worth it

I am so fortunate to be here
I’m healthy
I have the most astonishing, clever, wonderful person by my side
We have a roof over our heads, and a lovely one at that
In the mornings, the sun streams into our nook
And the light,
It is lovely

The end
(until next year). ​

​I recall a younger me
On her first overseas trip
Almost ten years ago
Flying into LA for the first time 
Seeing the Hollywood sign on the hill
The sprawling lots  
It occurred to me that despite the fact I grew up in Australia 
America was the land of my childhood
Singin’ in the Rain, The Pajama Game, The King and I 
Were all made in that sprawling concrete jungle below 
It was strange to discover it was a real place

And then coming back three years later 
Single, stronger, determined

And now 
Six years later
I’ve been to drama school 
I’m married 
I’m a cancer survivor 
And I’m figuring myself out all over again

Santa Monica is a surprise 
It’s like the Sydney suburbs of Chatswood and Bondi
Got together with Los Angeles and 
Had a baby 
The perfect blend of hipster, beach, and commercial cultures 
Grannies rollerblade along the beach 
A 6ft surfer meditates on the bus 
An opera singer busks in between Victoria’s Secret and J Crew
At dusk, every other bench along the beachfront 
Becomes a bed

The Gardens of the Self-Realization Fellowship.
The temple is closed 
But the garden itself is place enough for worship
A natural amphitheater with a spring-fed lake 
Eucalypts and pines and roses and an earthy smell
Palms trees, aloe vera, bougainvillea, hibiscus
Even a paperbark tree growing right above the water’s edge 
Darting red dragonflies that look like bi-planes 
Ducks and swans and smaller birds whose name I’m not sure of
Black-orange butterflies 
A Buddha among the trees 

Catching up with friends 
From different parts of my life 
Katie and Will from London
Josh and Liz from Sydney 
Kasey from camp
The joy of conversation with good people 

Of course, a week away from New York 
Means I must see a Broadway show 
On tour 
Bright Star, a delightful American fairytale 
With two of my favorites,
Carmen Cusack and Jeff Blumenkrantz. 
The show is a little lost in the cavernous 
Ahmanson Theatre
But the music still makes my heart sing. 

​The best part of it all was 
Getting to spend time with my 
Not-so-baby sister
Now taller than me
And beginning her own adventures. 
I'm so very proud of the person she is, and
The person she is still becoming 

The ultimate Phoebe-Lulu Day
A whole day at Universal Studios
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, 
Every bit as magical as we’d hoped 
The deliciousness of butterbeer 
Like Australian creaming soda, minus the pink and with extra creaminess 
The inventiveness of the Harry Potter ride
The delightful fun of the wand choosing ceremony 
Simpsons, Minions, Studio Backlot Tour (The Good Place!), 
Jurassic Park (twice) — 
We got soaked, but on a 35C day, it didn’t matter.
The cheesy but spectacular WaterWorld show
In desperate need of a gender re-write
But its themes of a vanishing world
Scarily prescient

On our last afternoon together 
We go in search of Fluff
The quintessential American “food”
Re-seeing American supermarkets with Australian eyes 
Have I been here so long that Americanah is becoming 
My normal?! 

The heartbreak of saying goodbye 
I wish apparition was real
I wish there weren’t oceans between us
I wish Phoebe-Lulu days could be a weekly event
And not once every six years

​In Palisades Park 
I sit beneath a gum tree 
In awe that I am here​

​​Then, onto the bus! 
I don’t know how many buses are driving into Staten Island
But it must be hundreds
The logistics are mind-boggling 
The number of runners
And volunteers 
And paper cups
And liters of water and gatorade 
And gels and bananas 
And green ponchos 
And blue ponchos 
And trucks to pick up clothing 
And medics 
And port-a-loos 
And pots of vaseline 
And the list just keeps going 

It is unnerving to pass an army tank
A soldier stands with rifle at the ready
We pass through security 

At the Start Village
We wait in the Fred’s Team tent 
I meet a girl who is running because her mom passed away ten years ago from cancer 
Another worked in admin at Sloan and is now re-training as a nurse 
We sit on a tarp and chat 
Nibbling bagels and drinking water 
Four friends dressed as Dorothy, Lion, Tinman, and Scarecrow, delight

An announcer calls for the Wave 1 runners
Everybody cheers
A little while later, the start gun booms 
A wave of nerves sweeps through the tent 
Wave 2. 
Wave 3. 

11am, several hours after we arrived
Wave 4 is finally called
In the excitement, I don’t get to wish my new friends luck
Thousands of people stream over to the start line corrals 
Divided not only by wave, but by number and color
Wave 4, Corral A, Green 

As I walk into my corral
Someone says we’ll be on the bottom half of the bridge 
Phew, won’t need to conquer my fear of heights today! 

A woman sings the American national anthem 
She belts it out, sings even higher when we aren’t expecting it
Before jumping in to run the marathon herself
The runners cheer 

A male voice: “On your marks…” 
I don’t hear the gun
But everyone starts running
So I run too

Straight onto the lower level of the Verazzano
The low hanging clouds mean
There isn’t much of a view 
Just thousands of men and women
Shuffling on down the road

The first mile goes by in a blink
As soon as we are off the bridge
Men peel off to the sides of the road to pee
Women call out, “Not fair!”
One brave woman yells “Penis envy!”
And the other women laugh

In Fort Hamilton 
Small groups of people 
Stand on the overpasses above the road 
Cheering despite the cold and wet 

We run past Dyker Heights, Bay Ridge, and into Sunset Park
The different flavors of the neighborhoods 
Polish, Chinese, Latin
Evangelical churches with giant billboards 
And tiendas buenas 

I get a kick out of running past Green Wood Cemetery 
This is my neighborhood 
(The area, not the cemetery)
I live in Brooklyn!
I’m running the NYC Marathon!

In Park Slope the crowd is wild
Thousands of people line the streets 
I am so glad Paula sewed my name to my shirt
Perfect strangers yell out 
“Go LuLu!” “You got this LuLu!”
While others chant, “LuLu! LuLu!”
​Aaron texts and tells me to slow down
Not to go too fast too soon
It is hard not to get swept up in the excitement 

At mile 7
Paula happens to be the first person I see that I know 
I pull over and give her a hug 
Within the same block
I see Gabriel and Deborah
Miles and Matt and
Alana 
It is so encouraging to see my people in the crowd
Faces beaming

The course takes us past the Barclays Center
Giant screens and an announcer calling out names
We run past the Brooklyn Academy of Music
I worked there briefly, before I was really ready to work again
It was hard
Now I’m running the marathon. 

The Hasidic section of Williamsburg is quiet
Except for gaggles of bemused looking schoolgirls
Who are trying to figure out how to safely cross the running river

The party resumes in upper Williamsburg with
DJs leading enthusiastic crowds
In ecstatic beat-driven dances 
The air reeks of beer 
The ground is littered with paper cups 
I didn’t expect to hurt from smiling

​Over the Pulaski Bridge into Queens
Rounding the corner I see
My name in rainbow letters on a card
Being held high in the air by Katherine,
Next to her, grinning like Cheshire Cats,
Aaron, Jesse, Brenda, Paul, Naomi, and David
I run to them, smooch Aaron, and keep running
I see Annie, Marc, and Laura
Well, I hear them before I see them --
An excited “Lu Lyons!” yelled across the street 

Walk/running across Queensboro Bridge 
I start getting emotional
The red and white stacks of Big Allis 
Familiar sights from my first hospital room at Sloan

Everyone had said coming into Manhattan
We would be met with a wall of sound
It isn’t as loud as Park Slope 
But the crowd is enthusiastic 

Up First Avenue 
I keep wanting to cry 
We have driven up and down this road 
Countless times for hospital appointments 
When my immune system was too weak for mass transit 
And my life was pick lines and ports and needles and counts 

Don’t waste energy, stay focused
Mile 17
Memorial Sloan Kettering 
The glorious Fred’s Team supporters 
Orange and white pompoms waving in the wet 

Up through East Harlem 
Thinning crowds 
The water stations are treacherous 
Thousands of discarded cups 
Disintegrate into a pulpy mess in the rain 

Across the Willis Avenue Bridge
Into da Bronx and mile 20
Body flagging, legs cramping
Feet hurting
Lower back aching and
Brain no longer computing
Is a marathon 23 miles or 26?
How many kilometers are in a mile? 
I have no idea how far I have to go
It is raining and 
Everything Hurts

Aaron and the Rabinowii clan appear 
I tell them I’m dying
I want to stop and fall into their arms 
But they all look so excited 
I have to keep going 

Further down the road 
I see my name on another giant card 
Beneath it is Bob from the Lyric 
His smile and cheers give a much needed boost 
Even though I’ve been walk/running 
By chance, I am always running, when I spot my friends in the crowd ​

​Across the Madison Ave Bridge and
Down Fifth Avenue 
I have been running forever and 
I’m never going to finish 
Whose insane idea was this???

Into Central Park
My legs and feet ache 
I am walk/hobbling 
A policewoman calls out with a loudspeaker 
“Come on LuLu, you’re so close! Keep going, you got this! 
I start running again
“Atta girl. Keep going!”

Mile 25
Oh my god. When does this thing end? 
It is dark, it is raining
Where is the finish line? 

Turn right onto West 59th
The crowd is ecstatic
I am shuffling/running/crying 
I realize they’re going to take us through Columbus Circle
Faaark. It’s so far away. 

Across the longest block in the world
Make a right
Back into the park 

I can hear the finish line
I want to see it 
I want to scream and cry
I want the pain in my legs to go away 

Keep moving keep running
You got this, you got this
You’re nearly there 

The finish line is brightly lit 
The crowd is cheering 
The announcer says 
“Lulu from Fred’s Team sees that finish line!” 
Yes she does!!! 

I try to remember to keep my head up as I cross the line 
You want a good photo
You want a good rest 
You want to never run anywhere ever again 

I walk/cry toward my medal
I walk/cry down the road 
Someone hands me a recovery bag
I spot the Fred’s Team volunteers
One of them comes over, takes my bag, guides me to the tent 
I am a blubbering mess
I am so proud of myself 
I can’t believe I just ran a marathon 
Everything hurts
I just ran a marathon
I am so happy
Everything hurts. 

The Fred’s Team folk are warm and wonderful 
People who I only met in person 24 hours ago
But have tracked my journey
Since I signed up in May, and
Have become my lifelines 
The sit me down and ply me with gatorade and chips

I have to walk to meet my family 
Up and over the pedestrian bridge 
(Who puts stairs at the end of a marathon?! 
Cruelty!!!)
Out to 72nd Street to meet the Rabinowii clan 
Katherine places a laurel wreath on my head 
Danni appears, he had seen me at the end but 
I was in the zone 
And missed him 

​Downtown to David and Katherine’s
Naomi massages my feet 
We marvel that I don’t have a single blister
I shower and discover awful chafing beneath my sports bra 
The water stings but it’s also
A huge relief

I eat a mountain of salad 
Fresh crusty bread 
And two helpings of homemade lasagne

Paul and Naomi drive us home 
Where I collapse into bed
The next morning I am still on a runners high

To my own amazement
I head back out to Sloan Kettering
I have been invited with Fred’s Team to visit the pediatric ward 
It is strange to smell the antibacterial foam
See patients with their rolling dancing partners 
Just a few floors down from where I was a few years ago 

We meet a sixteen-year-old boy
Who is undergoing treatment for leukemia
I tell him I was going through the same thing three years ago
His eyes widen
You’ve got this, I tell him
You’ve got this

The end. ​

Last week I had the pleasure of performing in a budding New York institution, the Cranky Cabaret. The night featured a wonderful collection of angry, snippy, and just plain bitchy "Songs of Vexation and Discord."

I performed "N.Y.C" from Annie, re-written to be about cancer, and "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid, re-written to be about an usher who wants to be an actor.

​I hope you enjoy the clips! 

Big thanks to everyone who came out to support me, pianist Dave Koenig, and producers Jessica Morris and Kris Holz! ​